If there is one thing that I learned from my father it's that there is no such thing as "fair". I know that we reap what we sow. I've done a lot of not to cool things to women in life, so I guess it's my turn to be on the receiving end of some sorrow.
I'm not going into too deeply, but my heart hurts. I'm trying to figure it out, but I don't have any answers.
I'm not really in any position to do anything for anyone, I know. I'm not even keeping my head above water, but having these feelings is hard. I don't think I've experienced anything like this since I was a teen. I am completely distracted and I want to be around her all the time.
That would be great if the feelings were mutual. Shit. I don't know.
Monday, May 22, 2006
Friday, May 12, 2006
Gunsmoke and other things
I'm listening to Project Groundations' "Nothing to Prove" right now and it is simply the best thing that I have heard in a very long time. It's all Roots music from the Virgin Islands. Pure Love from the Beginning to the End. Gunsmoke is the name of the track I was listening to when I started writing this. Go online and get it. www.ProjectGroundation.com
What else? I sent off my manuscript to be edited. I know that I am going to have to do a lot of work on it, so I'm waiting for it to come back.
Oh yeah, I love my daughters mother. She's amazing.
Power to the Peaceful
-M
What else? I sent off my manuscript to be edited. I know that I am going to have to do a lot of work on it, so I'm waiting for it to come back.
Oh yeah, I love my daughters mother. She's amazing.
Power to the Peaceful
-M
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Depth Perception
Maybe it's me or maybe it's really happening. It seems to me that the level of discussion around meaty topics, real things is deepening. It seems that for the last ten years or so, our (Americans) intellectual interrogation of the media, the government, authority in general has been very low. We get information and accept that information as fact with little or no questions, or if we do ask questions, they are superficial and meaningless.
We watch reality tv to find out what real life is like. Real life is what we experience, each of us as individuals have our own experiences that make up our lives. What is disturbing to me is that the television is in too many cases, the main socializer ouf the youth. I have this expression; "They learned to be Black from TV" I am, more and more meeting people who feel alienated from their own communities feeling like they don't fit in, because they are not like the people on television. Even worse than that would be the alienation of another because that person does not fit into what someone else thinks should be.
I have lived most of my life in Black communities. I have lived on both coasts and spent a lot of time in the South. I come from parents who were both born in and lived for significant amounts of time in the segregated South. My parents were activists. I was named after Malcolm X. I've been to Africa, and I am usually the darkest person in any room that I enter, no matter who else is there. I am about as Black as you can get, culturally and complexion wise, and I have had my identity questioned more times than I can count. I learned how to be Black from my family and our friends, not from TV or books or any second or third source.
What I know is that Black folks are the same whereever we are. We are the same not because we all watched the same thing on BET, but because we really do have a deep culture that permeates our social lives. We all know that the mother is the spiritual head of the Black family, that our God is at the center of that, we all have skin color issues, we trip off the grade of our hair, we cut consonants out of words, we love music, dancing, and storytelling. We do indeed have a common culture, but fewer and fewer people know what it is, because, I believe we adults are letting television raise our kids and not spending enough time on cultural transmission.
We are letting corporate America teach our own kids what their culture should be. We are truly in a battle for the minds and hearts of our kids and we are losing.
No doubt there is a lot of hard work to be done. It took a long time for us to get into the situation we find ourselves in now, but if more of us start doing the work that needs to be done, we will succeed. Success means that our children will not go hungry, we will eradicate that 70% high school dropout rate, we will have healthier families, incarceration rates will go down, domestic violence and drug addiction will go down.
okay, I have some more work to do....
Si se puede.
-M
We watch reality tv to find out what real life is like. Real life is what we experience, each of us as individuals have our own experiences that make up our lives. What is disturbing to me is that the television is in too many cases, the main socializer ouf the youth. I have this expression; "They learned to be Black from TV" I am, more and more meeting people who feel alienated from their own communities feeling like they don't fit in, because they are not like the people on television. Even worse than that would be the alienation of another because that person does not fit into what someone else thinks should be.
I have lived most of my life in Black communities. I have lived on both coasts and spent a lot of time in the South. I come from parents who were both born in and lived for significant amounts of time in the segregated South. My parents were activists. I was named after Malcolm X. I've been to Africa, and I am usually the darkest person in any room that I enter, no matter who else is there. I am about as Black as you can get, culturally and complexion wise, and I have had my identity questioned more times than I can count. I learned how to be Black from my family and our friends, not from TV or books or any second or third source.
What I know is that Black folks are the same whereever we are. We are the same not because we all watched the same thing on BET, but because we really do have a deep culture that permeates our social lives. We all know that the mother is the spiritual head of the Black family, that our God is at the center of that, we all have skin color issues, we trip off the grade of our hair, we cut consonants out of words, we love music, dancing, and storytelling. We do indeed have a common culture, but fewer and fewer people know what it is, because, I believe we adults are letting television raise our kids and not spending enough time on cultural transmission.
We are letting corporate America teach our own kids what their culture should be. We are truly in a battle for the minds and hearts of our kids and we are losing.
No doubt there is a lot of hard work to be done. It took a long time for us to get into the situation we find ourselves in now, but if more of us start doing the work that needs to be done, we will succeed. Success means that our children will not go hungry, we will eradicate that 70% high school dropout rate, we will have healthier families, incarceration rates will go down, domestic violence and drug addiction will go down.
okay, I have some more work to do....
Si se puede.
-M
Thursday, May 04, 2006
The DeBow Men
L-R Malcolm, Rahsaan, Paris, Jason
My moms family name is DeBow. These are all my male first cousins on her side. I'm the oldest of 8 grandchildren. Between the 8 of us, I think we have something like 12 kids. Funny thing, My mom and her sisters each had one son and the one son had 5 girls. Crazy huh?
Anyway.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
My Enemies, thoughts on May 1st and other things.
I am pretty sure that I have posted this before, but Ima repost it here today, because I watched a great documentary this afternoon. It's called "Loose Change" and it very intelligently and systematically examines the events of September 11th, 2001. You can watch it on Google video.
No one has to work very hard to convince me that there are people in the US who are conducting a war on the rest of us. As an African American and a student of history I know that there have been many times in US history when the government has done some terribly heinous things to the citizens to further it's own purposes.
I truly believe that 911 was an event orchestrated to make the American people accept a campaign of war against made up enemies, justify unprecedented defense spending and usher in a new era of American nationalism based on fear and prejudice. That is what has happened. The emphasis is being shifted now though from Arabs to Mexicans and other immigrants. We cannot allow this to happen.
Monday I was in San Jose, California for the "Day without Immigrants" and I saw tens of thousands of people unified to demand that the US treat them as human beings, not "illegals". The arguments are complex, they demand a lot of thought and consideration. The issues and the people wrapped up in the issues demand that we listen and consider more than we have, more than we have in our own little heads and sets of experiences. If we want a just solution to this problem, then we as a nation have to engage in intelligent dialogue and actively listen to one another, not throw sound bites at one another, yell and scream or rely on our often racist knee jerk reactions. Immigrants are human beings. We are treating them like plague carriers or drones. Their children will grow up and be Americans, just as we have. Who cares if they speak only one language? English is in no danger of dying out. If they have enough infrastructure in their communities that they never have to learn English and deal with English speakers, yet still lead productive happy lives, I say more power to them. It is not hurting me or mine. Nobody is going to suffer because some Mexicans don't want to learn English. Nobody is suffering because they may have had to learn some Spanish. Get over yourselves already.
Immigrants are not my enemy, my enemies are the ones who are making the decisions that are making this world unliveable for the future generations.
My Enemy
My enemy
My enemy does not pray to Allah
Or Jesus
Does not recognize the Holy Authority of the Prophet Moses
Or the Buddha
My enemy does not wear elekes for the Orishas,
Does not fear, love or respect Shiva.
My enemy prays to the small temporary gods
Money and Power
He marches into my home
Brandishing a rifle in one hand
And a bible in the other
(my God does not need to rely on scare tactics)
His forked tongue caresses my ear
With a hot sweet poison
That kills slowly but surely
My enemy is not the guise of fair skin
But those with greedy hearts who would trade my life for cash
Who ruthlessly murder our unborn possibilities
Who lustily slaughter potential
My enemy teaches you and yours
that you were born better
and forever
will be better than me and mine
For no real reason at all, no real reason at all
My enemy drops airplanes on America
With people like congressmen and senators
In them
and then calls it an accident
all in the name of power, patriotism
My enemies renamed greed
"compassionate conservatism"
And imperialism "democracy"
My enemies tell lies as truth
And truth as lies
Spin world crazy world spin
These lies they tell inject themselves into the bloodstream
Slow but sure poison
Hot, yet sweet in my ear
My enemy is preparing the world for
slaughter
Like the fatted calf,
And calling it pre emption
In the names of Safety and Democracy
My enemies are the enemies of
God
Truth
Righteousness
Justice
Love
Life
My enemy does not read poems like this.
It looks like I will have all the money I need to get my car out by this Friday. This whole thing has been a tremendous lesson. I knew I could get by without my car, but what I did not know is how much God smiles on me and allows me to learn these hard ass lessons. What did I learn? Take care of tickets and bills upfront. Paying on the backside is way too damn expensive.
Another unrelated comment. B-I love you alot. I really do. I hope that you have patience with me and that you see me for who I truly am. I love you unconditionally. You have given me some gifts that no one else could have, and I am grateful. You and the kids are my inspiration for being a better man. Thank you for your honesty and your friendship.
I know you read this from time to time and I hope that you will see this and know that I am talking about you.
Power to the Peaceful and those who would make this world a better place no matter what the cost.
M
Friday, April 28, 2006
Never Forget
just thinking about the state of African people in the world today....
We didn't leave Africa as willing immigrants, most of us.
There have been billions of words written about it, I'm not going to say anything new.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
100th Post
This is my 100th post, and I'd like to celebrate it by....well whatever. It's my 100th post.
I feel much better than I did the other day after my car got towed because I wasn't taking care of all my business when I needed to. Thanks God, for giving me some direction.
I will say that I have learned this lesson. It really is better to take care of stuff upfront and get it done than to have it come back later and bite you in the ass like these tickets did with my car.
Now I have to just find a new place to live.
Send me your good thoughts.
Power to the Peaceful.
-M
I feel much better than I did the other day after my car got towed because I wasn't taking care of all my business when I needed to. Thanks God, for giving me some direction.
I will say that I have learned this lesson. It really is better to take care of stuff upfront and get it done than to have it come back later and bite you in the ass like these tickets did with my car.
Now I have to just find a new place to live.
Send me your good thoughts.
Power to the Peaceful.
-M
Monday, April 24, 2006
It really is about me
I know that. Okay, I am bad with paperwork. I admit that it is a weakness of mine. I do my taxes late, I turn in timesheets at the last minute, and I forget to pay tickets. Those first two symptoms are inconvenient, but there are workarounds. That last one got my car towed in SF today.
Damn.
I need my car, but even more than that, I have to get my life to the point where I am not in crisis from minute to minute. I do not want to be anyones' "cause." Like "oh let's go save Malcolm" because I have been that before, saved and other peoples' causes. I don't think that it was all that good for me, to get saved so much.
Not that I don't need help, we all do at various times. I just don't want to feel like this anymore, I want to stand completely on my own two feet, not on someone else's shoulders. I have people who rely on me to be strong and I have to be able to help them to be strong. I can't keep creating these situations by my inattention.
God Help Me, because I don't know what to do.
-M
Damn.
I need my car, but even more than that, I have to get my life to the point where I am not in crisis from minute to minute. I do not want to be anyones' "cause." Like "oh let's go save Malcolm" because I have been that before, saved and other peoples' causes. I don't think that it was all that good for me, to get saved so much.
Not that I don't need help, we all do at various times. I just don't want to feel like this anymore, I want to stand completely on my own two feet, not on someone else's shoulders. I have people who rely on me to be strong and I have to be able to help them to be strong. I can't keep creating these situations by my inattention.
God Help Me, because I don't know what to do.
-M
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Poems for you
Black Body
He flung his black body
out in space
on the hope that someone
who had a vested interest
in his health
would catch him
The Pledge
I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands.
One nation under God with Liberty and Justice for All.
Bullshit.
I pledge non allegiance to the rag, the flag of the Unlimited Bullshit that is Amerikkka.
I promise never to forget the genocide of it's native people.
Leading them from Gods plains to Mans' steeples.
I shall always remember the theft of the Afrikan millions that made White trillions.
I promise never to forget the American non concern with the Japanese intern.
I promise to always remember who turned their back on the fleeing Jew, you.
I promise not to forgive the inhumanity perpetrated on the citizens and denizens of this land that are labeled Amerikan.
Many nations without a God with Liberty and Justice for the Rich.
girl, interrupted
young lady, you are the promise of sweet womanhood converted into something ugly. Your young body betrays itself
you look like something that you are not yet. A woman.
Your mind twisted and convinced that you are grown, coz you got ass and titties bigger than your mamas
coz men want to get close to you and get in between your thighs
coz you look like something you are not.
your short fifteen years have certainly been brutal, but sweetheart, they have not prepared you to adequately nurture yourself, much less any other
a woman loves herself
she knows her magic
you do not yet know yours
but back to you little mama
your mind is too precious to waste
on bullshit
but these “men”, these super predators who call themselves men
who rush to wait for you just outside the school zone
who only want to press their sweaty dead flesh against yours
only want to steal away your beauty, your youth
they only want to wear you for a little while
they will wear you out
Their time has passed and the little trinkets they give you
the little pieces of gold nothing that they trade you for your time
and pussy
cannot replace what they steal from you
They will tear you apart
“I been fucking niggas like you”
she said to me
“who the fuck is you to tell me? Nigga you ain’t shit”
and I said
“sweetheart. yes, you been fucked. By a lot of niggas. but you don’t know nobody like me. All I want from you is for you to love yourself enough to be okay without them niggas.”
They will destroy you
And I ain’t shit
I must not be because I do not have enough power to save you. I cannot be in enough places at once to keep you safe from those nasty motherfuckers. I do not have enough power, my arms are not long and wide enough to hold you close. To love you through your precious childhood
I ain’t shit
but I wish I was.
the cold part is you ain’t gon’ be shit either when they finished with you.
He flung his black body
out in space
on the hope that someone
who had a vested interest
in his health
would catch him
The Pledge
I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands.
One nation under God with Liberty and Justice for All.
Bullshit.
I pledge non allegiance to the rag, the flag of the Unlimited Bullshit that is Amerikkka.
I promise never to forget the genocide of it's native people.
Leading them from Gods plains to Mans' steeples.
I shall always remember the theft of the Afrikan millions that made White trillions.
I promise never to forget the American non concern with the Japanese intern.
I promise to always remember who turned their back on the fleeing Jew, you.
I promise not to forgive the inhumanity perpetrated on the citizens and denizens of this land that are labeled Amerikan.
Many nations without a God with Liberty and Justice for the Rich.
girl, interrupted
young lady, you are the promise of sweet womanhood converted into something ugly. Your young body betrays itself
you look like something that you are not yet. A woman.
Your mind twisted and convinced that you are grown, coz you got ass and titties bigger than your mamas
coz men want to get close to you and get in between your thighs
coz you look like something you are not.
your short fifteen years have certainly been brutal, but sweetheart, they have not prepared you to adequately nurture yourself, much less any other
a woman loves herself
she knows her magic
you do not yet know yours
but back to you little mama
your mind is too precious to waste
on bullshit
but these “men”, these super predators who call themselves men
who rush to wait for you just outside the school zone
who only want to press their sweaty dead flesh against yours
only want to steal away your beauty, your youth
they only want to wear you for a little while
they will wear you out
Their time has passed and the little trinkets they give you
the little pieces of gold nothing that they trade you for your time
and pussy
cannot replace what they steal from you
They will tear you apart
“I been fucking niggas like you”
she said to me
“who the fuck is you to tell me? Nigga you ain’t shit”
and I said
“sweetheart. yes, you been fucked. By a lot of niggas. but you don’t know nobody like me. All I want from you is for you to love yourself enough to be okay without them niggas.”
They will destroy you
And I ain’t shit
I must not be because I do not have enough power to save you. I cannot be in enough places at once to keep you safe from those nasty motherfuckers. I do not have enough power, my arms are not long and wide enough to hold you close. To love you through your precious childhood
I ain’t shit
but I wish I was.
the cold part is you ain’t gon’ be shit either when they finished with you.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
My students are off the hook!
I'm in my office, hiding right now. These kids are really on one today. I know, it's sunny, the weather is beautiful, they're beautiful, sap is rising, birds are singing, whatever! These kids are really acting like Babays kids....smoking, cursing, shooting dice....all the things they know that they're not supposed to do here.
I'm not on one for no reason, I tell my kids that people have the wrong impression of them, and that they have to be in charge of managing what they do. They can't, we can't hope to control what people think of us, but we can decide to not do things that will make people think ill of us.
Maybe a lot of it is the way I was raised and the way I was as a young person. The last thing I wanted people to think of me is that I was up to no good, or a criminal or anything like that. For a little while, I was up to no good, and that kind of attention was really unwelcome. So part of me is saying to them "You're stupid. Why are you calling all this attention to yourself?" Another part of me is thinking "Damn kids! When I was younger, we would have never (fill in the blanks)" and then another part of the dialogue is "people are going to look at you and think that you are less than amazing, beautiful, intelligent and wonderful and they are going to not treat you well."
So what am I to do?
I'm not on one for no reason, I tell my kids that people have the wrong impression of them, and that they have to be in charge of managing what they do. They can't, we can't hope to control what people think of us, but we can decide to not do things that will make people think ill of us.
Maybe a lot of it is the way I was raised and the way I was as a young person. The last thing I wanted people to think of me is that I was up to no good, or a criminal or anything like that. For a little while, I was up to no good, and that kind of attention was really unwelcome. So part of me is saying to them "You're stupid. Why are you calling all this attention to yourself?" Another part of me is thinking "Damn kids! When I was younger, we would have never (fill in the blanks)" and then another part of the dialogue is "people are going to look at you and think that you are less than amazing, beautiful, intelligent and wonderful and they are going to not treat you well."
So what am I to do?
Rape
So some people got arrested in the Duke University rape scandal. I have to say that I don't know what happened, but clearly something messed up happened. In all the years that I have been watching the news and taking interest in things like this, I don't think I've seen this much energy dedicated to defending alleged rapists in the press. The coach resigned. The University canceled the season. Clearly something was terribly wrong.
I have to ask the obvious question: If it was a black basketball team and a white stripper said that she got raped, what would the response look like?
My experience tells me that America would be in an uproar. I know that the value of Black Life in the United States and the world is low. We don't as a people, seem to even value ourselves very much, so how can we expect anyone else to? What will it take for us to see ourselves and one another as the precious, irreplaceable beings that we are?
I have to ask the obvious question: If it was a black basketball team and a white stripper said that she got raped, what would the response look like?
My experience tells me that America would be in an uproar. I know that the value of Black Life in the United States and the world is low. We don't as a people, seem to even value ourselves very much, so how can we expect anyone else to? What will it take for us to see ourselves and one another as the precious, irreplaceable beings that we are?
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Today
It's warm outside and the air here in EPA smells so good. There's all kinds of craziness in the air. It's spring. Yesterday I saw two young brothers get arrested. It went like this: I was driving around EPA about to go to Oakland and I saw two of my students, one in the car, one sitting in the window. I asked them if they needed a jump or some help, left my car to go check it out and the police rolled up 4 deep. Turns out the car was stolen. Damn.
What the hell? I don't know what happened, if they stole the car or what, but somewhere along the line yesterday, those boys made a series of bad choices.
It kills me to see our kids in these situations these dumb ass circumstances that they don't have to endure. So much of it, so much failure is built into our consciousness, we don't know we just do shit, just to do it.
Seems like that anyway.
You want to see something beautiful? Look at this rose that was growing in front of my house.
Friday, April 14, 2006
Home Again
I went out after work last night and played drums with my good friend Eric Arnold. Eric is a writer. In any case he lives in Oakland, and I was in need of some deep spiritual soothing so we took the drums out to Lake Merritt and played for a while.
I'll tell you how beautiful Oakland is. We were playing and this older white lady in a housecoat comes out and walks over to us. It's late, like 11 pm and we are two brothers in the dark, playing African drums. No white person in their right mind should approach Black people playing drums at night, it's just not safe. You don't know what could be happening-we could be calling all kinds of stuff into being, and some of us are kinda pissed. jokes, all jokes....not really.
Anyway having said that, she walks over and in the nicest way explains that although she enjoys the music, it's late and there are no apartments 200 yards down the shore of the lake.
Honestly, I just had to smile and comply. She wasn't scared, she was not at all disrespectful. I love Oakland.
The world tells us that we should all be afraid and not be real with other, hide in our houses and not talk to one another. I don't know who that lady was, but I hope she's out there showing people how to be a real human being.
The other thing is this. I don't drum to entertain other people. I drum to get in touch, to talk to my ancestors, to get in touch with the Creator. It's cool if people listen, but sometimes it throws me off. I was thinking about it this morning, because sometimes I get irritated and I stop when people listen. I like to perform, I'll always read some poetry, or talk to some folks. It's because I am not as confident about my drumming and I get thrown off, that's the real reason I don't like people to listen.
Peace to the Peaceful
your brother in the struggle,
M
I'll tell you how beautiful Oakland is. We were playing and this older white lady in a housecoat comes out and walks over to us. It's late, like 11 pm and we are two brothers in the dark, playing African drums. No white person in their right mind should approach Black people playing drums at night, it's just not safe. You don't know what could be happening-we could be calling all kinds of stuff into being, and some of us are kinda pissed. jokes, all jokes....not really.
Anyway having said that, she walks over and in the nicest way explains that although she enjoys the music, it's late and there are no apartments 200 yards down the shore of the lake.
Honestly, I just had to smile and comply. She wasn't scared, she was not at all disrespectful. I love Oakland.
The world tells us that we should all be afraid and not be real with other, hide in our houses and not talk to one another. I don't know who that lady was, but I hope she's out there showing people how to be a real human being.
The other thing is this. I don't drum to entertain other people. I drum to get in touch, to talk to my ancestors, to get in touch with the Creator. It's cool if people listen, but sometimes it throws me off. I was thinking about it this morning, because sometimes I get irritated and I stop when people listen. I like to perform, I'll always read some poetry, or talk to some folks. It's because I am not as confident about my drumming and I get thrown off, that's the real reason I don't like people to listen.
Peace to the Peaceful
your brother in the struggle,
M
Sunday, April 09, 2006
More to love
I went to my (Queen Mother) Aunt Marys' memorial service. She was an amazing woman. I am thankful for her effect on my life.
I will write more about the ceremony tommorrow or the next day. But I will say that without her I would not know how to love my people as much as I do. She taught me to love my people, no matter what.
And I am going to be honest here folks, loving my people is not an option, but we are in crisis and it is tough to always be there for anyone who is in crisis all the damn time! That's what it is though.
In any case, her celebration was lovely, my daughter met three of her cousins that she had not ever seen, Lexis, Lyric and Lena. My daughters name is Laila. I swear we did not plan that, it's just L names are in with the Hoover clan these days. Lena and Lyric are fraternal twins but they all have that big ass Hoover head, so all of the girls look somewhat alike.
Big Blue Frog-my First Poem
I am a big blue frog
I am a big blue frog
I can fly though I don’t know why
I am a big blue frog.
Bleed
We Bad
Ruffle feathers like bad weather
We young stormclouds
Dark on the horizon
Bad news
Niggas want to rumble real bad
Our blood be boiling
Be wanting to
Lock hands
Put it on somebody
We really want to fuck some stuff up
But what is that gon’ do?
How we gon’ handle this?
Blood gon’ be shed
Somebody going to jail
And Somebody else going to the hospital
Stab wounds, gunshots, take a long time to heal
But not as long as our spirits will take
Spirits will long remember
What these feet and fists feel like
Balled up made hard for contact against soft flesh
We will long remember what it feels like to have stomach folded over feet
Head buzzing
Blood in our mouths
Ears and face hot
So damn hot
Our spirits will not forget
This violence, this basic betrayal
Of what is best about us
Why we forgot how to come back from the place
Where our words don’t work
So we ride back to the words on one anothers’ pain
And so it goes:
“Bleed nigga bleed! Bleed nigga, nigga bleed! Nigga Bleed till you and I die. Nigga bleed till we die. Nigga bleed”
Nigga, I want you to bleed for me,
Your blood sacrifice is going to be my penance,
You on the cross me for me and everybody like me.
I need to forget so I am going to make you bleedI am going to take it out on your flesh
Until I cant shoot no more
Until I can’t beat you no more
Until you can’t breathe no more
I will write more about the ceremony tommorrow or the next day. But I will say that without her I would not know how to love my people as much as I do. She taught me to love my people, no matter what.
And I am going to be honest here folks, loving my people is not an option, but we are in crisis and it is tough to always be there for anyone who is in crisis all the damn time! That's what it is though.
In any case, her celebration was lovely, my daughter met three of her cousins that she had not ever seen, Lexis, Lyric and Lena. My daughters name is Laila. I swear we did not plan that, it's just L names are in with the Hoover clan these days. Lena and Lyric are fraternal twins but they all have that big ass Hoover head, so all of the girls look somewhat alike.
Big Blue Frog-my First Poem
I am a big blue frog
I am a big blue frog
I can fly though I don’t know why
I am a big blue frog.
Bleed
We Bad
Ruffle feathers like bad weather
We young stormclouds
Dark on the horizon
Bad news
Niggas want to rumble real bad
Our blood be boiling
Be wanting to
Lock hands
Put it on somebody
We really want to fuck some stuff up
But what is that gon’ do?
How we gon’ handle this?
Blood gon’ be shed
Somebody going to jail
And Somebody else going to the hospital
Stab wounds, gunshots, take a long time to heal
But not as long as our spirits will take
Spirits will long remember
What these feet and fists feel like
Balled up made hard for contact against soft flesh
We will long remember what it feels like to have stomach folded over feet
Head buzzing
Blood in our mouths
Ears and face hot
So damn hot
Our spirits will not forget
This violence, this basic betrayal
Of what is best about us
Why we forgot how to come back from the place
Where our words don’t work
So we ride back to the words on one anothers’ pain
And so it goes:
“Bleed nigga bleed! Bleed nigga, nigga bleed! Nigga Bleed till you and I die. Nigga bleed till we die. Nigga bleed”
Nigga, I want you to bleed for me,
Your blood sacrifice is going to be my penance,
You on the cross me for me and everybody like me.
I need to forget so I am going to make you bleedI am going to take it out on your flesh
Until I cant shoot no more
Until I can’t beat you no more
Until you can’t breathe no more
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Monday, April 03, 2006
Congresswoman McKinney is being assaulted again
The media is a trip. Maybe it's just me and my paranoid self, seeing as I am a Black Man living in America at a time when the media has gone from being semi independent to the propagandist arm of the US government. One of the things I teach in my class is media literacy, the ability to look at and analyze the media.
Well today I turn my eye on the Associated Press and the article today on Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney, a Democrat from Georgia. Apparently, she was trying to enter the building and a Capitol Police Officer didn't recognize her, and attempted to detain her, somehow he got punched. First of all, how he didn't know who she was is beyond me. There are not a lot of Black women in Congress, so it's not like she blended into the crowd. I don't know, maybe it was a new cop. According to what I read, she wasn't wearing her pin, but she showed her Congressional ID. After that, the cop still tried to search her, and she refused. In any case, the sister did a Pac and unloaded on the cop when he tried to detain her. That's what I'm talking about! Sister Cynthia obviously is not a punk! I do not advocate socking up cops, but I also don't believe in us letting the POLICE intimidate us. She stood up for herself and now the media is trying to make her look crazy.
I am sure this is not the first time that a legislator has had a problem with the Capitol police, the issue is why isn't the cop being questioned? Why is so much attention being paid to Cynthia McKinney when we have all these Republican Congressional criminals? Why is it news that she wears an Afro and that she used to have cornrows? What about where she stands on the issues of the day? What do her constituents think?
In any case,
Power to the Peaceful
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060403/ap_on_go_co/mckinney_scuffle
Well today I turn my eye on the Associated Press and the article today on Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney, a Democrat from Georgia. Apparently, she was trying to enter the building and a Capitol Police Officer didn't recognize her, and attempted to detain her, somehow he got punched. First of all, how he didn't know who she was is beyond me. There are not a lot of Black women in Congress, so it's not like she blended into the crowd. I don't know, maybe it was a new cop. According to what I read, she wasn't wearing her pin, but she showed her Congressional ID. After that, the cop still tried to search her, and she refused. In any case, the sister did a Pac and unloaded on the cop when he tried to detain her. That's what I'm talking about! Sister Cynthia obviously is not a punk! I do not advocate socking up cops, but I also don't believe in us letting the POLICE intimidate us. She stood up for herself and now the media is trying to make her look crazy.
I am sure this is not the first time that a legislator has had a problem with the Capitol police, the issue is why isn't the cop being questioned? Why is so much attention being paid to Cynthia McKinney when we have all these Republican Congressional criminals? Why is it news that she wears an Afro and that she used to have cornrows? What about where she stands on the issues of the day? What do her constituents think?
In any case,
Power to the Peaceful
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060403/ap_on_go_co/mckinney_scuffle
Friday, March 31, 2006
Tupac Amaru Shakur vs 2Pac
I woke up this morning thinking about Pac. I really miss 'Pac. I felt a kinship with him that continues to this day. He articulated so well my feelings about many things. He was the only person who could reach directly in our hearts and show us what is most beautiful about us and also what is most ugly. It wasn't only that, but it was this feeling that I have of being born 30 years too late. I feel like an anachronism. I look around at my people, at poor people in general and I want to do so much more than I am doing to help folks lift themselves up from where they are. But I wasn't born in 1940, 50 or 60. I was born in 1970 and I know what I know for a reason. It's frustrating to look around and it seems the masses have forgotten so much, that all of us, or most of us are just paper chasing and not paying attention to our brothers and sisters struggling. People are trying so hard to forget New Orleans and the Gulf Coast and what Katrina did, but how can we? That was the problem in the first place, those of us who made it through the traps of poverty, we forgot to bring the rest of our people along with us. How would Pac have reacted? I am quite sure that he would have blown up at President Bush way worse than Kanye did (see Letter to the President) and I am also certain that he would have been among the first people on the ground, putting his body and whatever resources he had available to bear on the situation. Pac would have been there helping people, not just talking about how fucked up it was that no one was helping. That spirit is the Panther Baby in him. I am ashamed that I haven't been doing more, but it is also true that no matter how much any one of us does, we can always give more. Angela Davis told me one time that the challenge was not to die for the revolution, but to live for the revolution.
Pac was such a complex person. I never knew him personally, but he was much more to me than a celebrity. To me, Pac was a spokesman for all the little Black boys who grew up in revolutionary households and found Hip Hop as a way to express our passions and live our lives. I miss that cat, and I hate the fact that noone has been brave enough to tell the truth, whatever that is about why he was murdered. Why did he have to die? I am fairly sure that Suge Knight and the Mafia had everything to do with it. I am no one famous, so Ima say what I feel. Suge profited from Pacs death, and the whole rest of the world lost a leader. He wasn't just a rapper or actor, he was a leader.
He wasn't perfect or all clean and tidy. He was messy as hell, he made stupid mistakes, he made people angry, he said and did hurtful things, but I think in retrospect we can all see that he was a young man trying to grow and deal with the contradiction of what he knew to be right and the attraction of what my friend Malachi calls "the Shiny Things."
When you grow up poor, when you get older and able to not live day to day, a lot of us want the shiny things. We know that money doesn't equal happiness, but we don't want to live like that ever again. It must be hard to find the balance. I think a lot of rappers just swing all the way far out. I don't know, I'm still broke and struggling. I want to know what it is like not to have to struggle, and I am determined to get there. They say that money changes people, and I tell myself that I am strong enough to resist the temptation, but damn.
The other thing is that dealing with Black people, Americans in general, is that wealth is a validator. If you have money, you have more personal authority than you do if you're broke. If I had walked up in front of those kids @ Mission High with hella bling on, a fur coat and a grill then they would have been sitting up in their seats to see what the hell I was talking about. Instead, I had on some dusty Timberlands, a dashiki and last years LRG jeans. But what I had to say and how I said it grabbed them. If I ever get it like that, I won't be Slick Rick with mine. I'm thinking more De La Soul 88....
In any case, Pac must've known that. He knew the people he wanted attention from the most listened better when he was profiling and high siding. I have heard so many rappers say that you have to hide the lesson in the music, or put the sugar in with the salt if you want people to listen. I think differently though, I think people want the truth, but they want to be able to forget about how painful their lives can be and shake their ass. There is nothing wrong with that, everybody like to shake their ass. We can't just walk around brain numb and forget that we need to take some responsibility and be about the business of making this a better world for those living and those to come.
I'm out folks. I'm taking some kids to Yuerba Buena gardens tomorrow to see the Black Panther exhibit.
Peace and Love,
M
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Mission High School
I was at Mission High yesterday. I got to be the prerequisite "adult voice of reason" at a youth talent show. It really was great. My job, along with WWS magazine and Emaculent entertainment put on a High School Talent show, along with HoodStarz and Mistah FAB. I know that when I walked up to the podium, the youth (along with some of the judges, parents and teachers) were like "who is this nigga in a dashiki and suit jacket?" But once I got started, I went some other place, I really felt as if I was standing outside my body and listening to someone else. I was being used, I had notes that I followed, but I had prayed before that He give me something to touch these youth, to really get to their hearts, and I think I did.
It felt great. I opened with a poem "History" and I closed with "Freedom Fighter"
I want to do as much of that kind of stuff as I can. I met some people there, I think good things will come out of it.
I can never get past how indredibly beautiful it is to see young people happy and dancing. There was a few times when the kids just mobbed the stage, going dumb, getting hyphy, and generally just dancing their asses off. These kids mean mug so much always walking around looking unhappy, any time we can get them to smile and just be kids is like gold.
Power to those who bring Peace to the kids
It felt great. I opened with a poem "History" and I closed with "Freedom Fighter"
I want to do as much of that kind of stuff as I can. I met some people there, I think good things will come out of it.
I can never get past how indredibly beautiful it is to see young people happy and dancing. There was a few times when the kids just mobbed the stage, going dumb, getting hyphy, and generally just dancing their asses off. These kids mean mug so much always walking around looking unhappy, any time we can get them to smile and just be kids is like gold.
Power to those who bring Peace to the kids
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
My Rant
Black America is still under attack and Racism is still very much alive. Strong statements to make, but absolutely true. The recent threats of lawsuits against institutions of higher education and the dismal trend of black male incarceration and low achievement should be red flags to anyone seeking to gauge the health of the Black community.
Access to higher education has always been viewed as the way to true independence in not only the African American community, but to the whole nation. Our greatest leaders have stressed that education is the one thing, that once gained, cannot be taken away from us. Now that access is being limited once again by distributing funds once earmarked for aspiring African American Scholars, to the general student body. Why? Because the perception is that too much preference is being given to African Americans in awarding scholarship funds and that the historical effects of racism have been overcome.
The African American community has been under a consistent attack since we arrived here on these shores. Slavery, Jim Crow, a bungled attempt at integration, The Crack and HIV/AIDS epidemics, The 3 strikes laws, all these factors have had a devastating effect on our community. Our students locally have a dropout rate that has been estimated as high as 70%.
I know from my work with young people that the perception is that their opportunities are limited. The reality may be different, but somewhere along the way, the fact that they can be anything they want to be, achieve any goal that they can visualize has been lost on them. Our young people go to schools where they are met with low expectations by the school administrations and reactions ranging from amusement to hostility from the student bodies. Our young people are our most precious resource, yet we send them to places to be educated that have a dismal track record at successfully preparing our youth.
Now, the ones that do manage to make it through are being faced with the fewer resources to finance their educations. The commitment to equity and parity in this nation has been reneged on. The myriad problems of African Americans cannot be solved by any government program or initiative, but only by our own selves as African Americans. The American public must recognize though, that many of the problems that face our community were not internally generated, but created by our original status as slaves and then second class citizens. In truth, we have only been full citizens for 41 years, since the 1965 Voting Rights Act. We can not as a nation, realistically expect the effects of 346 years of institutional racism, economic deprivation and mental warfare against our community to be ameliorated in 41 years. That would be ridiculous. The problems of African Americans are the problems that America as a Nation created for us. We as African Americans are responsible for healing ourselves and our community but no one should be fooled into thinking that we are in this sad condition on our own accord.
Affirmative Action, targeted scholarships, increased academic support, specialized schools, alternative sentencing, early intervention, and mental health supports, economic incentives, parenting classes, all these things and more are desperately needed to repair the damage done to the African American community. As citizens our first impulse has been to look to the government for assistance, but we cannot expect the government to serve our needs particularly at a time when America is being referred to as “The Homeland” and we as African Americans are being pitted against our immigrant brown brothers and sisters who are being used as cheap labor just as we were. If America were my homeland then my children would be treated well. America is still treating African Americans as unwelcome immigrants. Other immigrant groups have come to this Nation and used their own internal resources to build strong communities; we have started, stalled and stopped at this endeavor several times. We hold the solutions to our own problems. We must look first to ourselves and create our own solutions. If we want our children to be successful students then we should create environments where they can learn.
We have created these structures in the past and many of them still exist today. I attended two such schools as a young student. The first was Nairobi Day School, a community run school in East Palo Alto, California. The classes were small, the students were all given indivualized attention and expectations were high. The other was Ivy Leaf School in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The approach was a little different, Ivy Leaf was a private school and Nairobi Day School was a community school, but the emphasis on learning and the expectations of excellence were not. What made those schools different was not only their Afro Centric curriculum, what made those schools different is that the teachers genuinely knew all of the students in the school, and that they treated us with love and respect. They took the time to engage us as people, to respect each and every one of us as learners.
I work with young people who have very marginal grades, as an instructor at an after school program in Menlo Park, California. I am always surprised that these brilliant young minds are not performing any where near their potential in their schools. Sure, they know that they have to get good grades, but they often tell me that what makes the environment that I create for them different from their schools is that their teachers do not care about them. They do not take the time to learn them as people. I tell my students that it’s unfair, but unfortunately, that is the way life is. Very few people will take the time to get to know them as people. When educators take the time to authentically engage these young people and take the time to create positive learning environments for the youth, great things happen. All of a sudden, it’s not so important that they’re cool. It
We should learn from our Asian and Latino brethren and create economic and educational institutions that work to our benefit and we must do the internal work that is necessary to defeat the plague of self hatred caused by the 389 years of warfare that this country has waged against us. My namesake, Malcolm X put it best when he said “Just because you sit at the table does not make you a diner.”
Access to higher education has always been viewed as the way to true independence in not only the African American community, but to the whole nation. Our greatest leaders have stressed that education is the one thing, that once gained, cannot be taken away from us. Now that access is being limited once again by distributing funds once earmarked for aspiring African American Scholars, to the general student body. Why? Because the perception is that too much preference is being given to African Americans in awarding scholarship funds and that the historical effects of racism have been overcome.
The African American community has been under a consistent attack since we arrived here on these shores. Slavery, Jim Crow, a bungled attempt at integration, The Crack and HIV/AIDS epidemics, The 3 strikes laws, all these factors have had a devastating effect on our community. Our students locally have a dropout rate that has been estimated as high as 70%.
I know from my work with young people that the perception is that their opportunities are limited. The reality may be different, but somewhere along the way, the fact that they can be anything they want to be, achieve any goal that they can visualize has been lost on them. Our young people go to schools where they are met with low expectations by the school administrations and reactions ranging from amusement to hostility from the student bodies. Our young people are our most precious resource, yet we send them to places to be educated that have a dismal track record at successfully preparing our youth.
Now, the ones that do manage to make it through are being faced with the fewer resources to finance their educations. The commitment to equity and parity in this nation has been reneged on. The myriad problems of African Americans cannot be solved by any government program or initiative, but only by our own selves as African Americans. The American public must recognize though, that many of the problems that face our community were not internally generated, but created by our original status as slaves and then second class citizens. In truth, we have only been full citizens for 41 years, since the 1965 Voting Rights Act. We can not as a nation, realistically expect the effects of 346 years of institutional racism, economic deprivation and mental warfare against our community to be ameliorated in 41 years. That would be ridiculous. The problems of African Americans are the problems that America as a Nation created for us. We as African Americans are responsible for healing ourselves and our community but no one should be fooled into thinking that we are in this sad condition on our own accord.
Affirmative Action, targeted scholarships, increased academic support, specialized schools, alternative sentencing, early intervention, and mental health supports, economic incentives, parenting classes, all these things and more are desperately needed to repair the damage done to the African American community. As citizens our first impulse has been to look to the government for assistance, but we cannot expect the government to serve our needs particularly at a time when America is being referred to as “The Homeland” and we as African Americans are being pitted against our immigrant brown brothers and sisters who are being used as cheap labor just as we were. If America were my homeland then my children would be treated well. America is still treating African Americans as unwelcome immigrants. Other immigrant groups have come to this Nation and used their own internal resources to build strong communities; we have started, stalled and stopped at this endeavor several times. We hold the solutions to our own problems. We must look first to ourselves and create our own solutions. If we want our children to be successful students then we should create environments where they can learn.
We have created these structures in the past and many of them still exist today. I attended two such schools as a young student. The first was Nairobi Day School, a community run school in East Palo Alto, California. The classes were small, the students were all given indivualized attention and expectations were high. The other was Ivy Leaf School in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The approach was a little different, Ivy Leaf was a private school and Nairobi Day School was a community school, but the emphasis on learning and the expectations of excellence were not. What made those schools different was not only their Afro Centric curriculum, what made those schools different is that the teachers genuinely knew all of the students in the school, and that they treated us with love and respect. They took the time to engage us as people, to respect each and every one of us as learners.
I work with young people who have very marginal grades, as an instructor at an after school program in Menlo Park, California. I am always surprised that these brilliant young minds are not performing any where near their potential in their schools. Sure, they know that they have to get good grades, but they often tell me that what makes the environment that I create for them different from their schools is that their teachers do not care about them. They do not take the time to learn them as people. I tell my students that it’s unfair, but unfortunately, that is the way life is. Very few people will take the time to get to know them as people. When educators take the time to authentically engage these young people and take the time to create positive learning environments for the youth, great things happen. All of a sudden, it’s not so important that they’re cool. It
We should learn from our Asian and Latino brethren and create economic and educational institutions that work to our benefit and we must do the internal work that is necessary to defeat the plague of self hatred caused by the 389 years of warfare that this country has waged against us. My namesake, Malcolm X put it best when he said “Just because you sit at the table does not make you a diner.”
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