better

I just heard, via email that a friend of mine lost his older brother. damn. I'm an older brother and I don't like to think about what that would be like, to lose one of my siblings. I was thinking too, about how important relationships are. My friend that lost his brother, we've had some troubled waters, and the love is deep, but we really haven't spent any quality time in years. It's mostly my fault, a result of my refusal to be responsible. I think that he's forgiven me, but it's never been the same. I miss you Stefan. See you soon.

The general state of my life these days has made me less care free, more serious about the important things in my life, like my primary relationships (family and friends), finances, and my career. I don't know what God has planned for me, but all of a sudden I am looking at life very differently. I may not have all the time I thought I had to get this thing done.

I haven't been the best son, brother or friend that I could be. I have done some people really wrong in my life, but I am in no way an evil person. I want to do right, but I've made some bad decisions. I am not going to make any big pronouncements about huge life changes, because I've already made some important changes in the ways I live my life.

I pray for the time, resources and opportunities to make right what I have made wrong in the past.

I'm not a complete trainwreck, I don't hate myself, I'm not depressed or think that I am a bad person. I am a good person who made some very bad decisions. I have to live with the consequences of those decisions, the best way I can. I continue to be a frontline soldier for the health and success of our young people. I believe in them because people believed in my crazy little ass. I know that they are all we have and it is worth far more than we invest to make sure that they have what they need to succeed.

To the many people that have been hurt by my actions, irresponsibility, deceit, dishonesty, inaction, or just in general crazy ass behavior, I am truly sorry. I've driven a lot of people away by the way I've acted. I understand.

Peace to the Peaceful,
keep me in your prayers.