I think I have always known that my life is meant for some specific purposes. I have always been told as much anyway. My parents, grandparens, mentors, all told me that I was special. So I knew, but I wasn't sure exactly what I had to do, so I wouldn't do anything for long. I would do something for a little while and then I would quit. Now that has changed. I have 2 kids, so the major purpose of my life is to ensure their success any way I can. Mostly that involves me making sure that I am stable and dependable. That's been hard for me, to be stable and dependable. I know I am a little bit crazy, I've been in plenty of therapy. Trust me, I know I have issues, but I'm much better than I was. Somehow, I didn't figure this out after the birth of my son. I tried, I went into the Navy in search of stability, but that was a bad decision for me. I hated it, and when I came out, for a while I was better, but it didn't stick. Now, what's different? I've made a bunch more decisions that impacted my life. I have another child, a daughter and I am 11 years richer in experience than I was the first time around. I have a bunch of dreams that I am working hard to materialize. I finally realized that I am the only one ('sept God) in charge of making my life what it should be.
Nobody is about to come over to my house and pay all my bills, write my stories, poems and essays and get out and promote me. No one is going to say "hey you are an amazing guy-here's a house for you and your kids to live in" nope, not going to happen.
My dad is a really wise dude and he passed on some great information to me.
The speech went something like this:
"Boy, when you graduate you got three choices. You can go get a job and get the hell out of my house. You can go to the military and get the hell out of my house, or you can go to college and get the hell out of my house. Either way, when you graduate, you are getting the hell out of my house." I graduated Central High School June 10th, 1988. On June 15th, 1988 I was at UC Santa Cruz. My dad was gracious enough to let me come back home when I needed to, but I did get the hell out of his house. Another thing he taught me is that "There is no such thing as 'fair'" so it's useless to complain about things not being fair.
The third bit of wisdom from my father that I have been thinking about is "Life is hard, get over it. Nobody owes you shit." That's a big one. Life is hard, and if we are we are waiting around for others to do things for us, we are hurting ourselves by denying our own ability to take care of ourselves. We set bad examples for people looking up to us, and we learn to walk around with our hands held out. We must be more like the Honorable Marcus Mosiah Garvey, and learn to do for ourselves.
Okay having said that, I will tell you that I do believe in Reparations. The Western built much of its' wealth on the backs of slave labor and Africans worldwide are still paying for that. No amount of money can pay back the damage thats' been done in the name of profit, but we Africans can purposefully use our money to build up a strong infrastructure in the African community. We need education, healthcare, mental health and addiction counseling, financial counseling and real wealth building enterprises. We have to decide what are the aspects of our communities are positive and what has to go. It is entirely up to us to reclaim our children and make sure that we have a future as a people. If we go looking to the government or anyone else to do these things, we will meet failure every single time. If we take a long view as to what success could look like, we stand a better chance of success.
Our communities did not arrive here in this sad state. All of this has happened over time, and it is only over time that we can become healthy. It is a process that is going to take several generations to remedy this situation , but if we start NOW, we will get a lot done.
To make all of this more personal, I have dedicated myself to getting out of debt, being honest in my life and truly working hard to stay motivated and to realize my dreams.
Peace and Love
M
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