Philly

Goals

Im here, in my other hometown Philadelphia. It is my sons Bday/Easter/Parents Anniversary. My son is 11 today, its Easter Sunday and my dad and stepmom celebrate 27 years of marriage today. Hurray. There are several reasons for me to rejoice but I am fighting feeling like shit. I am not in the place where I want to be and I keep stumbling. I have to find a way to make the things I want happen. I have to get into graduate school and simultaneously increase my income this year by at least $15,000. I have to get another car, I have to find an apartment and I have to at least start to get out of debt.

That's the personal stuff.
My son is a good kid. I brought his buddy Marcelo, out here with me and they are having a really good time. I can tell that my son has been getting really spoiled by his mom because he acts really differently around me-she babies him. He acts like a baby around her, but I guess that's what moms do. I wouldn't know. My parenting situation has been less than ideal, both as a child and as a parent, but I do know what I have to do to continue to improve.I will not dwell on the negative. I recognize that I have some very significant challenges but that is all they are is challenges. Nothing can defer me from my purpose. Nothing.

Philly is a good place to be when you need a reality check. The environment here does not allow people to bullshit or be caught up in fantasy. This city is all about keeping it real. My family has been talking to me about some very real stuff, encouraging me, but also letting me know what is real and what is fantasy. I have always been an impressionable person and the things that I hear from people I really internalize. That is one the reasons my teachers would say "He doesn't listen". I may have not been able to articulate that about myself, but when you are unsure as to who has what intentions about you, it is best to listen to your own inner guidance rather than be influenced in the wrong direction. Positive reinforcement is something that I thrive from. It doesn't have to be praise, but just an acknowledgement of my direction is enough. I was really touched, a few weeks ago when one of the elders in my community, Baba Omowalle Satterwhite told me that I was doing a good job with my work in the community.

At the same time, I am self directed. As much as I listen to the opinions of others, I do not let others make decisions for me. I have always marched to tbe beat of my own oddly tuned drum. I am not a good follower, because I tend to see things differently than most people and my vision of the way things should be tends to be idealistic and non conformist. I make people uncomfortable because I will call things out and say what is on folks hearts, but they don't have the words to say. These, I know are positive traits that I am using to push myself forward. I don't worry as much about accolades, its a great affirmation that I am doing what I should, but when it gets hard and there is no one there to push me forward, it is my faith in God and the purpose which I was put here for that moves me forward.

I met Steve Jobs!

I met Steve Jobs yesterday, and I was a little dissapointed. I am absolutely sure that he has people coming up to him all the time totally gushing about how thankful they are for his contributions, but I have to tell you-It's rare for me. I gave him the kind of adulation I reserve for people like Grandmaster Flash. Okay when I met GMF, I was a little bit high and I actually cried-but he still didn't look at me crazy. Steve Jobs has changed the world. He wrote one of the 1st video games-Pong. He is responsible along with Wozniak for making computing more accessible. They actually wanted normal people to be able to use technology to better their lives, not just the geeks.
Steve Jobs, along with his crew at Pixar, revolutionized the way that we look at film and animation. He was the guy behind the Mac and that was another quantum leap for computing. He brought Apple back from the brink of obscurity and made it strong again. The guy has done a bunch of stuff that has directly impacted me as an individual, creatively and professionally and I really am grateful to him for purusing his vision in the world because it has made my life better. I wanted to tell him that, but I think I came off a little too strong and Stan like. It also doesn't help matters that I work for a competing company, but hey what can I say? If Apple was setting up learning labs for low income kids, I'd be the first person to sign up. But they haven't (yet) so I get in where I fit in and work with PCs. But in my heart, I will always be a Mac dude.
In any case, he was not in any hurry to get to know me any better.
No Worries, it's not that often you get to meet Living Legends.

Support Young Black Authors

A longtime associate of mine, Adisa Banjoko "The Bishop of Hip Hop" wrote a book "Lyrical Swords". I just ordered it and I expect it to be an excellent read. Adisa is one of the best young writers in any genre and unlike too many so called hip hop writers today, he is a lifelong bboy, someone who can say that they have actually taken part in and added to hip hop. Too many hip hop journalists today are just hacks. They suck. Here is the link to Adisas' blog.
http://www.lyricalswords.blogspot.com/

This is personal/Why?

I just re read some of my Blog posts and realized how personal some of this information is. Well what can I say? I have my struggles just like anyone else and I don't know what good it is to hide them. I am a human being, I've made mistakes, but I won't repeat them. I hope that people don't read this and think that I am trying to sound like someone that I am not. I am in a kind of recovery, in that I am rediscovering myself and spending time on intentional self development.
In a lot of ways I have been a bastard, and that is not the person that I want to be remembered for. I honestly don't think that I have done my lifes work yet. I have definitely begun it, I am on task now, but if I die today, my work will not be done.

Why?
A lot of times I look at the kids around me and I get angry because I don't understand what the hell happened. I do understand that the present condition of the black community is the result of generations of deterioration. I understand that drug addiction, economic sabotage, Jim Crow, slavery, etc. All these are reasons why our children are walking around celebrating their/our destruction. I know. But it hurts so bad. I don't understand why more people don't feel the way I do.
I am not mad at 50 Cent, Jadakiss, whatever gangster rapper people are listening to. I am not mad, I like to release just as much as anyone else. I like Jadakiss-a lot. What I don't like is that there is no balance, there are not enough people talking about other things to offer variety in the music and the culture. Too much of anything is a bad thing. One of the reasons that "conscious rap" became such a cliche is that everyone was doing it and many of the peopple rapping didn't even believe what they were saying, they were just doing it because that's what was hot. Gangster rap is the same way today.
All these brothers talking about this stuff, you know most of them are lying. You have to be a really cold, soulless human being to do half of the stuff they talk about, but it's cool these days. It has become cool to dance, make songs and films, create art that not only chronicles but celebrates our own destruction as a people.
What is going on people? Please lets wake up and stop this.


Peace
Malcolm "First Citizen of Nairobi, California" Hoover

I made it

I made it, I made it. God bless me, I made it. It was a tough weekend, I really felt like crap. I thought about all the mistakes that I've made, opportunities I screwed up, bridges I've burned and lies I've told. Then I started to think about my family and how blessed I am to have such wonderful people in my life. How lucky I am to have known what love is, how blessed I am to be able to wake up every day and push forward to do new things, to continue to challenge myself and grow as a person.

Life is good y'all and I will never let that slip away from me. I have been on a ten year hiatus from the "real me" but now I'm back and making it happen again.
Thanks to everyone who has supported me, lifted me up on their shoulders and kept me in their positive thoughts and prayers.
I will not dissapoint you.

35 this Sunday

I'll be 35 this Sunday. That's a big deal, Jesus didn't live to 35. I already have a head of grey hair. Not much to say other than I am really looking forward to the next 12 months. I have to say that I have made some incredibly stupid mistakes this year, but I am pulling it together. I am doing a lot better than I ever have.
Peace and Blessings
Malcolm X El Hajj Malik Shabazz Hoover

Me at the Christo in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Jan 2005 

Aaron Hoover and his Dad, Malcolm 

posted at my cousins house. 

Optimism and wisdom

I will be thirty five this Sunday. Big Bday that's mid thirties and it is the time when I am supposed to be wise enough, stable enough and energetic enough to seriously embark on whatever my life work will be. In the past year, a lot in my life has changed. I put myself and a lot of other people through some major turmoil, and I was a real asshole for a while. I am sure that some people thought I was a complete lost cause, and it looked like I had thrown my entire life away. In a way, I had, but now I have started to become the man that I had portrayed to so many people and really had just pretended to be. I didn't have the courage to really be that person, I was just faking it. I was insecure, and did a great job of fronting. I was, an asshole in a lot of ways and I wish that I had done a lot of things differently. I cheated on my girlfriend, got high way too much, forced jobs to fire me, bullshitted about my education, neglected my son and generally just fucked arond for about ten years. I destroyed relationships with people who really loved me and used and abused a lot of people. I can't tell you how blessed I am to have had friends who've really understood me and this struggle and to have had the love of a woman who stuck with me through a tremendous amount of BS.
Anyway, now I am coming out of the sh*tstorm I put myself through and I am focussing on really being the person I had pretended to be.
Anyway, end of diatribe for the day.
Love Peace and Hairgrease
Im out!
-M