I will be thirty five this Sunday. Big Bday that's mid thirties and it is the time when I am supposed to be wise enough, stable enough and energetic enough to seriously embark on whatever my life work will be. In the past year, a lot in my life has changed. I put myself and a lot of other people through some major turmoil, and I was a real asshole for a while. I am sure that some people thought I was a complete lost cause, and it looked like I had thrown my entire life away. In a way, I had, but now I have started to become the man that I had portrayed to so many people and really had just pretended to be. I didn't have the courage to really be that person, I was just faking it. I was insecure, and did a great job of fronting. I was, an asshole in a lot of ways and I wish that I had done a lot of things differently. I cheated on my girlfriend, got high way too much, forced jobs to fire me, bullshitted about my education, neglected my son and generally just fucked arond for about ten years. I destroyed relationships with people who really loved me and used and abused a lot of people. I can't tell you how blessed I am to have had friends who've really understood me and this struggle and to have had the love of a woman who stuck with me through a tremendous amount of BS.
Anyway, now I am coming out of the sh*tstorm I put myself through and I am focussing on really being the person I had pretended to be.
Anyway, end of diatribe for the day.
Love Peace and Hairgrease
Im out!
-M
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