Where it all begins and ends

my two

Is with these two.These are my kids. My son is 11 and my daughter's 15 months. Notice the "Hoover head", that amazing forehead that all of us Hoovers have. It's extra brains....

Just a picture I took on my camera phone and messed with in Flash.
me

I must be

Doing the right things.
You know the popular wisdom; "When we are on our paths, the Universe will open up to us and give us things to help us along." I live the truth of that. I had a conversation with a brother the other day, he reminded me that we are our own worst enemies. I have lived that in my life as well. I have to remind myself that following my impulses are not always conducive to my long term goals, to stay away from useless drama, and to remain patient and faithful with God and myself.
I also have to push myself, because I am the only person responsible for me. Ultimately my life is going to be what I make of it. I know those are all cliches, but I am just coming to the truth of those things myself. I've changed a lot in these past two years and I am still changing. It's accelerated growth time. Soon, I'll be moving again, out of my Uncles' house and on my own again. It's strange, to be 35 and living with family, but I love it. I really enjoy my uncle. This is the most time that I have spent with him since I was a little kid. We talk and I learn a lot from him. In a way, he's been like a second father to me, and it his influence in my life, that balanced out my dads' craziness. My dad and my uncle are so much alike, it's wierd. They eat all the same foods, they have very similar personal habits and they even laugh and talk in the same ways. My dad was always the wild one, while my uncle was the steady and stable one. With my brother, Marcus and myself it's been the opposite, he much more like Bob and me like our dad, Jackie.

The core is the same though, we are all centered around our families and our communities. Much of our work is working with youth. My uncle, the tireless organizer, my brother the football coach, my dad mentors a lot of young people in and out of his work and me, the youth development and community dude.

Anyways, I have to get some work done.
Peace to the Peaceful,
Your brother in the Struggle
M

A bunch of BS

Who needs it? Not me.
Peace to the Peaceful
-M

Why I love East Palo Alto pt.1

I am putting this on Craigslist today in the Rants and Raves section.

I am a native of East Palo Alto, born right on Veterans’ Boulevard at Kaiser. My family has been based here in the Peninsula for over 60 years. My moms’ family came from Tennessee in 1940 and my dad’s side came from North Carolina in 1955. In other words, “we been living ‘ere!” I am now in my mid thirties, and after being gone from my hometown for over 10 years, I returned to work here. That was over 7 years ago, since I came back to teach at a small school on Runnymede street. I taught a class of 2nd, 3rd and 4th graders in the same classroom that I had when I myself was a kindergartner and 3rd grader.
I had, in my classroom, a young lady whose grandmother was my school principal when I’d been a student there. I had others who were the nieces and nephews, cousins of old schoolmates and kids that I’d grown up with. I was a member of a very small staff, with a principal and vice principal who dealt with me, an inexperienced but sincere teacher, like their very own son. The foundation of the school was family, centered around the students. I have been blessed to work with the youth of this community now for almost 8 years and it’s been the best 8 years of my career.

Now I work as a counselor and instructor at an adult school, still here in the community. I also live in EPA. The past few days, I’ve been out in the streets more particularly in the mornings and early evening. I am experiencing some very deep level memories. The other day I stood outside the yard of a house that I had played in as a child. The family that had lived there was close to my family. The two kids Mwosi and Kai were good friends of mine. I have a picture of me pulling Mwosi to her feet, she has an afro, a red dress, white sweater and a “Free Angela” button.

My family was then and remains now very involved in community organizing, education and politics. I miss that part of EPA, it may not have been true, but it seemed like the emphasis was on creating a great place for all of us to raise our families, to have a community that was controlled from within, and that was a place where we could enjoy ourselves. East Palo Alto at that time was a very bohemian place to live. We attracted a lot of characters, very creative people came to make their homes here. We had world class drummers, such as Baba Milonga Casquelord and Sakisa Thompson as well as world class intellects and organizers such as Dr. Mary Hoover and Dr. Faye McNair Knox, Ed Becks, Kwame Toure, Dr. James Garrett, the list goes on and on. East Palo Alto has a lot of history worth uncovering, documenting and sharing. (I have been working on that for a few years….)

In any case, this morning I remembered more about the great times that I had here as a kid. Swimming at the pool, drumming in the park, gardening with my grandmom and her neighbors and shooting bb guns in my neighbors backyard. East Palo Alto was then, a place that held so much joy and wonder for me. My childhood here was very happy.

I grew up in an East Palo Alto that had crime, but even the criminals had some kind of honor and code that they respected. Even they watched out for the kids and other people that were trying to do something positive. Today, that code still exists but not everyone honors it. I am deeply sorry that Officer May fell in the line of duty. But what makes me even more sad is the dozens of youth that fell in the streets before him. Too many of them didn’t even get a fair start in life, in this the same town that made me who I am, too many youth are not getting a fair chance.

I love the fact that my neighbors speak Spanish and play horrible ranchero music on the weekend. Directly across the street from me is an Indian family that celebrates so big, when they do it, the whole block is filled with their cars. I love the fact that there are enough Fijians, Tongans and Samoans in my community that it is actually possible to go a local restaurant and get real authentic Tongan food.

I could go on, but this is enough to tell anyone why I love my town, East Palo Alto.

Wow

I was in a car accident last night. My vehicle is hurt. The Bloo Meany sustained injuries last night at approximately 8pm in a 5 car pile up on the San Mateo Bridge. Apparently, one car stalled on the bridge, but he had very dim hazards. The second car came to an abrupt stop behind that first car, a truck hit that second car, a Benz hit the truck and then I couldn't avoid the Benz, who had swerved into the second lane to avoid the truck.

I am so happy to be alive. The guy in the truck, Mike went to the hospital. My cousin came and got me, and I went home, grateful and really happy to be alive. You know, it's funny. Yesterday I asked for a humbling experience, and something that would reconnect me to my purpose, clarify my path. Then last night, I got into a car accident. It's funny how you get what you pray for.

So, I am blessed to be alive. I walked to work today across my expensive ass hometown, and it was great. At the end of my block, there is an entrance to a wetlands trail that extends the length of my end of East Palo Alto. This morning, I walked and thought about how nice it was to be in the sunshine, breathing, using both of my legs and experiencing everything associated with being alive. I just feel good.

I picked a delicious orange from one of my neighbors' trees, just like I used to when I was a kid. I saw these dudes on the sidewalk talkin', and in EPA 99% of the time, it's cool. But I don't know everybody and saw the potential for somethign to go bad is always there. In any case, I walked past these dudes, "wahssup? ing" them as I passed through their circle. After I got a few feet away one of the cats says "You cut off all your dreads huh?" "Yeah, a while ago" "We know who you are, brother. We recognize you." I was pretty moved. I always tell people, I feel like I have a pass in EPA not because of who or what I know. It is who knows me that allows me to walk with the grace that I feel. I think that people know and respect that I am really here working for the youth, and that I love "The Town."

I had some other really good discussions too. I am trying to stay here in East Palo, but rents here are outrageous. On the one hand, I really want some distance betwen my job and the place where I live, but on the other hand I love being here, because it is my home and I love it. I know it and I feel like this town knows me. It has seen me grow up and I owe a lot to this community. I don't want to move away. I'd love to buy a house here, but I can't afford it. Anyone reading this know about a house for sale in EPA? Let me know. I'd be very good to it.
All Power to the People
Live and Grow
-M

I don't want to be a source of anything bad or negative in anyones' life and I know that I have been, that I may be right now. There's not much I can say, that I haven't already said, but there is a whole I absolutley will do. Thank you very much for your patience with me up to this point.

What I learned today

Everyday I teach, I hold a "check in" session with my students. This is the time when we transition from the world outside of class to the practices of thinking and working on improving our skills. One of the questions we answer as a class is "what did you learn today?" the expectation is that everyday, my students will have gained something valuable from school or life. Anyway, today I have my first class and I finally learned something that my friends have been telling me for years. I learned that you don't always have to show your feelings. I wear my feelings on my sleeve, meaning that usually if I don't vocalize it, you can look on my face and tell how I'm feeling. Recently, I've been going through some really emotionally rigorous times. The way I used to cope with stuff like this would be to act out, talk to all my friends, cry, do a bunch of talking and stuff. All of the coping mechanisms I learned from my mom, when I would see her deal with her problems.
But none of that behavior has changed my circumstances. What I have learned to do is to think about what is going on and then act to solve the issue. It's a simple shift, nothing big outwardly. I just decided that being active about whatever my problems are ultimately is going to make me more successful and happy. It's a more inward looking, self based solution. I look to myself first whereas before I didn't. I am more self sufficient, and I guess independent. I don't like hearing from anyone that I am co dependent, or unstable, or anything like that.
I learned that even if something really hurts, sometimes it's best just to go through it, just feel the pain, instead of avoiding it. I have been the root cause of a lot of other peoples' pain, if I feel some of the pain that I have put others through, it is only right. Maybe then, I will learn some other valuable lessons.
It's easy to get to me, to make me feel bad about somethings, I make it easy because I put my vulnerabilities out there. I've learned that I have to be very selective about who I allow to be close.
All Power to The People and Peace to the Peaceful

What the Fuck is Happening with our Government?

I'm just asking questions. I need to do some research, but if I am mistaken, someone please correct me. I thought that the "intelligence" showed that there actually was no connection between Bin Laden and the Iraqis, that Al Qaeda was not operating in any significant way in Iraq. Every time someone blows up something it's Al Qaeda. So we are to believe that they had no significant presence in Iraq before the war, but that now they are primarily responsible for the insurrection in Iraq? gedthefuckouttahere....
Now, a tape has supposedly come out with Bin Ladens' voice on it offering a conditional truce with the US government. Does anyone else think that someone is making this shit up as they go along? So they caught Saddam and no one is talking about what he has been saying, about no weapons of mass destruction, no Bin Laden connection, blah blah, blah. Still no one can seem to find Osama. They can read a newspaper from outer space, we have technology that can read the heat signature of a weed plant in a field of corn, we can listen in on international cell phone conversations, we have a 30 million dollar bounty on his head and no world government is able to find this man?! Are you kidding me? No one is that smart. Either Bin Laden is still working for the United States or, well I think that he is still working for our government. I cannot accept any other possibility.
It is HIGH TIME that we, the regular people of the United States, take the power back. We are just being lazy, letting the rich run our country. Obviously, the government is not acting in the best interests of the citizens. I really feel like "They" just want to keep us all running scared, so we have this bogus "threat indicator", secret international prison camps, a war on terror that is really a war on ideology(?) and the sum total is the American people running around scared of the monsters that our government and corporate interests partnered to create.
Please think about things and don't just react to the Boogie man. Osama is the Boogie man, Al Zaqarwi is the Boogie man. I have heard it said that Al Zaqarwi doesn't even exist. The war is being explained to the American people in the simplest possible terms, like we are a bunch of stupid babies. Maybe some of us are, but you can't fight ideas with bullets. This is not a war we will win.
This is probably seditious speech according to the "Patriot Act" but I think the most Patriotic thing I could ever do is to demand that my government not only represent me, but that my government is actually accountable to me and my fellow Americans.
Whatever-Fuck Bush and all he stands for. He is not my leader.

fiction off the top of my head

It's late, later than I like to be awake but for some reason, I can't sleep. I close my eyes, concentrate on just the sound of my breath, the rise and fall of my chest and the beat of my heart. My eyes are closed, and my mind is quiet, but sleep will not come. My body is restless.

I'm out of bed now, on the floor doing pushups. 1, 30, 50, rest. Sit ups, 5, 35, 60. Rest. More pushups. 10, 30, 45, 52. More situps. 10, 20, 40 more, rest. 50 Triceps pushups. My body is more tired. What time is it now? 11:35.
In the hallway, I can hear my daughter stirring around in her bed. She sleeps wild, just like I used to, and like her brother does. This new apartment is the first time that I have been able to give her her own space. At two and a half, she still manages to sneak into my room most mornings.

The kitchen is warm, the beautiful O'Keefe and Merritt stove that I bought in Oakland keeps it that way. I still haven't painted this room, even though I bought the paint six weeks ago. Moving around in this place, it just now has started to feel like my home. In a few more months, my son will be here and for the first time, both of my children will live with me. I am a single dad, making it, just barely, but still making it.

11:45 my cell phone is ringing. The hardwood floors feel good under my feet. I grab the phone by the fourth ring. "Hey..is it too late?" I didn't check the caller ID but I knew who it was, even before I picked up the phone.
"No, never for you. What's up?"
"How is she? Asleep?"
"Knocked out. What's up with you?"
"I'm at the airport, United. Come and get me."
Dial tone

I'd moved to the Northwest in pursuit of a better standard of living. The Bay Area was just too expensive. I'd found a job here that I liked and been able to buy a house. It was nice, right in the city, not too far from work and school. My daughter was in an onsite Daycare, and I checked in on her several times a day. I had left behind in California, a lot of history, friends and a woman I loved. Now she was here, to see me, unexpected, uninvited but totally welcome.

On television

So I was on "Wife Swap" last night. Let me tell you what happened. The shows' producers called my job OICW a couple of months ago. They explained that they had a family who needed some college counseling for their son. My boss asked me if I would do it, I reluctantly said "yes". I have no problem being on television. I like being on TV, I just didn't know how I felt about being on a show as dumb as "Wife Swap" I think the whole idea of trading your wife is sexist and ridiculous. Funnier even, because mostly women watch it. In any case they came and the crew was great. My boss, Alan sat in his office and gave our Executive Director a blow by blow account via email. The lady who was "swapped" Angel, was hell on wheels. She was a conservative black lady from Texas. The family she got swapped into was a working class white family from Boulder Creek, Ca. Not a good mesh. I mean, I am sure it made for good TV, but on a human level, it was disastrous. The kid JP, was a great kid. He makes good grades and he had a strong personality. The mom Angel, tried to make the kid feel like he was some kind of loser. I really didn't like that. My only role, I thought was to support the kid and let him know that his interests were valid and that he could have a future doing what he liked.

Here are some links about the episode:

http://www.celebrityspider.com/news/january06/article010306.html
http://www.santacruzsentinel.com/archive/2006/January/08/style/stories/01style.htm
http://abclocal.go.com/ktrk/story?section=local&id=3796522
http://www.brenhambanner.com/articles/2005/12/24/news/news01.txt

Whatever. I think society would be better if we made more conscious decisions to invest in our youth, if we put the priority on our children, their health and well being, their futures, instead of our own selfish desires as adults. Who am I to talk? I went to Brazil last year and didn't even buy my kids Christmas presents. I am as guilty of having fucked up priorities as any policy maker.
Over and out

Who speaks for the youth?

I can not claim to speak in their voices, or with their passion for the causes which they adopt as their own. I can say that they are not being listened to, not being paid attention to and that they should be or we will reap the whirlwind of their dissatisfaction. It is their world that we are holding for them. I heard a woman say the other day, that she has an organization, 7 Generations. Her organization, http://www.7generations.org/About%20Us/aboutUs.html when they are making decisions, keeps in mind what the possible impacts are or could be of that decision 7 generations down the line. Are we taking that same care when we make decisions about our lives today? No. I'm not. That's asking me to think 200 years in the future. Who the hell knows where my family will be in 200 years? I should be thinking that way though. I'll make that shift and start telling other people. You do the same. We should be able to shift the consciousness of the whole society if we do this the right way. You know, like "Pay it Forward".

The Beautiful Young People

It is my job to love and take care of the youth in my community. I have been a teacher, a counselor, an after school program director. I have several years of solid experience dealing with not only East Palo Alto Youth, but young people from around this nation and the entire world. One of the most important lessons that I have learned is sincerity. I may not always have the best words, or the right words, but young people that I work with know that my heart is absolutley in the right place. That I am on their side, and that I love them. So many people reached out to me when I was a young man, if for no other reason than payback, I owe it to my kids to give them the chances and exposure that was given to me. I was going to write more, but I lost the moment.
I'll close by saying that we absolutely must believe in our youth, and make the social investments to prove to them that we care, because as it stands, I don't think that we show them that at all.
All Power to the People