This is just my version of a Frederick Douglass quote: "Power concedes nothing without a Demand."
Basically, power gives up nothing without being made to do so. Anything that you get without struggle is worthless.
I know that the things that I value the most are the things that were painful for me to obtain. My children came to me through struggle. My relationships with my parents came through work and struggle. I fight the hardest for the things I want the most.
In the sixties, black folks had a lot of role models to look to. It was our age of Transformation. Like the Industrial and French Revolution at the same time. Black folks had a lot of room to decide what direction the community was going to take, instead of Black people deciding our own directions and priorities we let our lust for materialism and our desires to be "Fully American" push us as communities that were not neccesarily healthy for us. Now we are facing super high unemployment and incarceration and for the most part, our children have no sense of who they are. We want to assimilate into a society that has never wanted "us". What America wants from Black people is our labor and the money that our labor produces. It has no interest in our well being as a community or our cultural values as a people. Even worse, we as a people have very little idea what our cultural values are.
Anyway back to my original topic. On what basis do we have to demand anything from America? And what do we have to give? What is the worth of African Americans? Is it just our language, our music? What do we feel we have to give?
The classic example of the Open Hand and the Closed Fist would be Malcolm X and Dr. King.
Dr King came with a message of mutual love, tolerance and respect, appealing to the "Christian Conscience" of what he called our "Sick white brothers". He spoke in the highest terms about the founders of the United States and frequently quoted their writings in his addresses.
"A third source that we must look to for strong leadership is from the moderates of the white South. It is unfortunate that at this time the leadership of the white South stems from the close-minded reactionaries. These persons gain prominence and power by the dissemination of false ideas and by deliberately appealing to the deepest hate responses within the human mind. It is my firm belief that this close-minded, reactionary, recalcitrant group constitutes a numerical minority. There are in the white South more open-minded moderates than appears on the surface. These persons are silent today because of fear of social, political and economic reprisals. God grant that the white moderates of the South will rise up courageously, without fear, and take up the leadership in this tense period of transition. "
Dr. Martin Luther King
"Give Us the Ballot," Address Delivered at the Prayer Pilgrimage for Freedom17 May 1957, Washington, D.C.
He seemed to truly believe in his heart that America would experience a change of heart and welcome African Americans with open hearts once the ridiculous evil of racism was made plain. Dr King came with the Open Hand.
"The white man -- The white man is too intelligent to let someone else come and gain control of the economy of his community. But you will let anyone come in and take control of the economy of your community, control the housing, control the education, control the jobs, control the businesses, under the pre-text that you want to integrate. No, you outta your mind."
-Malcolm X
"Ballot or the Bullet"
Malcolm represented a much more pragmatic approach. He simply said that the human rights of African Americans had been and was still being denied and that this was no longer acceptable. He demanded that African Americans be treated as human beings based on the nothing other than our basic humanity. He was also quick to point out that other groups of Africanas around the globe had taken it upon themselves to demand equal rights and justice at the business end of a firearm. In his famous speech the He represented the Closed Fist.
Here we have struggled, but is this what our foremothers and forefathers were struggling for? Are we as a people, even headed in the right direction? Are we following the American Dream and if so, is that a dream that we want to follow? What are our priorities and values? What is it that makes us, as African Americans, these descendants of the enslaved-what is it about us that makes us different from any other group of people here in these United States. I feel we need to take a huge step back and really examine ourselves, check our priorities, decide on a direction and some credible leaders and and then move forward with some unity. Right now, our efforts are individualistic and selfish and we cannot hope to prosper or have any kind of self determination while that mentality prevails.
I know I have a lot of questions and few answers, but I feel that we really need to make some real changes.
Peace to the Peaceful
Monday, December 26, 2005
Friday, December 23, 2005
The Festival Of Mass Consumption
Christmas is a bullshit device used against people to make us consume. There is no such thing as Santa Claus. Christmas is a fraud.
All of these statements are true. It really upsets me that something as beautiful as Christmas (which is supposed to commemorate the birth and subsequent life of the Birth of Christ) into this thing that forces us to consume. I am all about living a good life and loving my family, but I will not participate in a thing that makes us a slave to the marketplace.
Having said that, it does feel good to give gifts and be around my family. I got to see an aunt yesterday, who I had not seen in years. She's seven grandchildren deep into it, and she still looks fabulous. That's my Aunt Cookie (Judith). Love ya Auntie.
Speaking of Aunts-
This is the Hoover familys' first Christmas without Mary Hoover. GOd Bless you Auntie. We are all thinking of you and ways to continue your work and honor your legacy.
All of these statements are true. It really upsets me that something as beautiful as Christmas (which is supposed to commemorate the birth and subsequent life of the Birth of Christ) into this thing that forces us to consume. I am all about living a good life and loving my family, but I will not participate in a thing that makes us a slave to the marketplace.
Having said that, it does feel good to give gifts and be around my family. I got to see an aunt yesterday, who I had not seen in years. She's seven grandchildren deep into it, and she still looks fabulous. That's my Aunt Cookie (Judith). Love ya Auntie.
Speaking of Aunts-
This is the Hoover familys' first Christmas without Mary Hoover. GOd Bless you Auntie. We are all thinking of you and ways to continue your work and honor your legacy.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
The heart of a woman
Is a hard thing to keep. It's easy to get a woman to have sex. The much harder thing is to get a woman to trust you, to believe in you. Maybe it's just me, I've definitely been a filthy bastard to a lot of women and done things that I am ashamed of. I've cheated, lied to and stolen from women whom I "loved" and had some of those things done to me. What I have learned is that women are used to being mistreated because of the kind of behavior that I showed. It's almost expected. I learned to have low expectations for myself and I got too used to disappointing women. Now I am learning how not to disappoint anyone. Just to set realistic expectations and really push myself to do things that I think are hard or impossible. I find that I am really feeling a lot better about myself and my potential in life.
Sex
Is easy. It's one of the easiest things in the world. It's natural and we all want it. If a woman has an interest in you, thinks you are a nice guy, and she likes you, it's likely that she will have sex with you. At least once. She will at least think about it.
All you have to do usually:
1) Listen-Women are social and they find it sexy when a man can focus on them and make them the center of attention.
2)Smell good-Grooming is vital. Women are sensual and they really respond to men who stimulate their sense of smell. You can be big, small, whatever women like men who groom and smell good.
3)Be Honest-Just be real. You like this woman, and you want to see her naked and do a bunch of really nasty stuff with and to her.
4)Take your time-Don't rush her. Even if she knows you want some booty (and we all do) she doesn't want to feel like that's all she wants. If you are patient and consistent, it will happen.
5)Be discreet-Especially don't make her feel like you are going to tell everyone when it does happen.
When you do get some booty-Perform. Be the best. If you blow her mind, she'll be back.
This is the easy stuff. Being a good lover is not hard, being a good man is.
Peace to the Peaceful.
-M
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
All the lonely people
The net is a huge meeting place, for lonely ass people including me. I spend a lot of time on the Net, just looking at people wondering what kind of life they lead, reading their posts, participating in anonymous online discussions with people that I have no intention of ever meeting . Im on myspace, craigslist, listservs, etc. So much of it is driven by sex, it's sad. Not that I don't like seeing female flesh, but is that really how that person wants to be perceived?
i don't know where I was going with this, but...anyway. The bottom line is, if you don't want people to think you are a whore, don't present yourself as one.
Okay, I have to update more often. How about this?
An actor, famous for playing gangsters, flips out and starts really doing the shit that gangsters do in movies? Why hasn't anyone asked The Sons and Daughters of Italy to comment? Why is there no hullabaloo about the mob? Why no public conversation about art imitating life? Why?
http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/12/11/officer.shot.ap/
Let Mekhi Phifer shoot a cop..the NAACP will have to open a new office just to deal with that shit. Lillo must not be too smart in real life. His agent must be a lazy ass person. How could you let your client be out robbing houses? Or did this kid really want to be a gangster? Acting wasn't enough for him? It's enough for 99% of all the gangster rappers. Who was he doing this for? He must have a bad dope habit. Dumb ass. Just some random thoughts.
Whatever.
Peace to the peaceful.
i don't know where I was going with this, but...anyway. The bottom line is, if you don't want people to think you are a whore, don't present yourself as one.
Okay, I have to update more often. How about this?
An actor, famous for playing gangsters, flips out and starts really doing the shit that gangsters do in movies? Why hasn't anyone asked The Sons and Daughters of Italy to comment? Why is there no hullabaloo about the mob? Why no public conversation about art imitating life? Why?
http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/12/11/officer.shot.ap/
Let Mekhi Phifer shoot a cop..the NAACP will have to open a new office just to deal with that shit. Lillo must not be too smart in real life. His agent must be a lazy ass person. How could you let your client be out robbing houses? Or did this kid really want to be a gangster? Acting wasn't enough for him? It's enough for 99% of all the gangster rappers. Who was he doing this for? He must have a bad dope habit. Dumb ass. Just some random thoughts.
Whatever.
Peace to the peaceful.
Death for the peacemaker
Tookie Williams died, and I hope that his soul is allowed to pass on to peace. I hope that he truly did find redemption, because our barbarous state stopped him from breathing. They stopped him from trying to change the world. I never knew him, never met him, no reason I ever would have, but I really hope that he is in the middle of a beautiful experience.
Our government apparently does not believe in redemption, does not believe in the sanctity of human life and is not at all interested in rehabilitation, but we all knew this. I did not know Tookie, and certainly there is a lot of information that we will never know, but if there were some doubts about his guilt or the circumstances surrounding the crimes of which he was convicted and killed for, his death should have been stayed.
I don't believe in the death penalty. I don't think that we should hide behind "the state" to get what we want. If someone takes a life and death is to be the sentence, then guilt should be ironclad sure, the death should be quick and one of the victims' families' should carry it out-on television. It shouldn't be this thing that we hide behind closed walls, if so many people support this barbaric thing, then we should really show how proud we are as a nation to be assassinating "the guilty."
Alternatively, we could suspend all of this killing and attack the root causes of murder. If we attacked joblessness, drug addiction and the mental health issues that plague our communities then I am sure the murder and incarceration rates would go down. Instead we put people in jail and murder them. I pray for the day when all Americans, all of us, will have to reckon what we profess to believe against what we allow to happen in our names.
Peace to Stanley's soul.
-M
Our government apparently does not believe in redemption, does not believe in the sanctity of human life and is not at all interested in rehabilitation, but we all knew this. I did not know Tookie, and certainly there is a lot of information that we will never know, but if there were some doubts about his guilt or the circumstances surrounding the crimes of which he was convicted and killed for, his death should have been stayed.
I don't believe in the death penalty. I don't think that we should hide behind "the state" to get what we want. If someone takes a life and death is to be the sentence, then guilt should be ironclad sure, the death should be quick and one of the victims' families' should carry it out-on television. It shouldn't be this thing that we hide behind closed walls, if so many people support this barbaric thing, then we should really show how proud we are as a nation to be assassinating "the guilty."
Alternatively, we could suspend all of this killing and attack the root causes of murder. If we attacked joblessness, drug addiction and the mental health issues that plague our communities then I am sure the murder and incarceration rates would go down. Instead we put people in jail and murder them. I pray for the day when all Americans, all of us, will have to reckon what we profess to believe against what we allow to happen in our names.
Peace to Stanley's soul.
-M
on my path
I think I have always known that my life is meant for some specific purposes. I have always been told as much anyway. My parents, grandparens, mentors, all told me that I was special. So I knew, but I wasn't sure exactly what I had to do, so I wouldn't do anything for long. I would do something for a little while and then I would quit. Now that has changed. I have 2 kids, so the major purpose of my life is to ensure their success any way I can. Mostly that involves me making sure that I am stable and dependable. That's been hard for me, to be stable and dependable. I know I am a little bit crazy, I've been in plenty of therapy. Trust me, I know I have issues, but I'm much better than I was. Somehow, I didn't figure this out after the birth of my son. I tried, I went into the Navy in search of stability, but that was a bad decision for me. I hated it, and when I came out, for a while I was better, but it didn't stick. Now, what's different? I've made a bunch more decisions that impacted my life. I have another child, a daughter and I am 11 years richer in experience than I was the first time around. I have a bunch of dreams that I am working hard to materialize. I finally realized that I am the only one ('sept God) in charge of making my life what it should be.
Nobody is about to come over to my house and pay all my bills, write my stories, poems and essays and get out and promote me. No one is going to say "hey you are an amazing guy-here's a house for you and your kids to live in" nope, not going to happen.
My dad is a really wise dude and he passed on some great information to me.
The speech went something like this:
"Boy, when you graduate you got three choices. You can go get a job and get the hell out of my house. You can go to the military and get the hell out of my house, or you can go to college and get the hell out of my house. Either way, when you graduate, you are getting the hell out of my house." I graduated Central High School June 10th, 1988. On June 15th, 1988 I was at UC Santa Cruz. My dad was gracious enough to let me come back home when I needed to, but I did get the hell out of his house. Another thing he taught me is that "There is no such thing as 'fair'" so it's useless to complain about things not being fair.
The third bit of wisdom from my father that I have been thinking about is "Life is hard, get over it. Nobody owes you shit." That's a big one. Life is hard, and if we are we are waiting around for others to do things for us, we are hurting ourselves by denying our own ability to take care of ourselves. We set bad examples for people looking up to us, and we learn to walk around with our hands held out. We must be more like the Honorable Marcus Mosiah Garvey, and learn to do for ourselves.
Okay having said that, I will tell you that I do believe in Reparations. The Western built much of its' wealth on the backs of slave labor and Africans worldwide are still paying for that. No amount of money can pay back the damage thats' been done in the name of profit, but we Africans can purposefully use our money to build up a strong infrastructure in the African community. We need education, healthcare, mental health and addiction counseling, financial counseling and real wealth building enterprises. We have to decide what are the aspects of our communities are positive and what has to go. It is entirely up to us to reclaim our children and make sure that we have a future as a people. If we go looking to the government or anyone else to do these things, we will meet failure every single time. If we take a long view as to what success could look like, we stand a better chance of success.
Our communities did not arrive here in this sad state. All of this has happened over time, and it is only over time that we can become healthy. It is a process that is going to take several generations to remedy this situation , but if we start NOW, we will get a lot done.
To make all of this more personal, I have dedicated myself to getting out of debt, being honest in my life and truly working hard to stay motivated and to realize my dreams.
Peace and Love
M
Nobody is about to come over to my house and pay all my bills, write my stories, poems and essays and get out and promote me. No one is going to say "hey you are an amazing guy-here's a house for you and your kids to live in" nope, not going to happen.
My dad is a really wise dude and he passed on some great information to me.
The speech went something like this:
"Boy, when you graduate you got three choices. You can go get a job and get the hell out of my house. You can go to the military and get the hell out of my house, or you can go to college and get the hell out of my house. Either way, when you graduate, you are getting the hell out of my house." I graduated Central High School June 10th, 1988. On June 15th, 1988 I was at UC Santa Cruz. My dad was gracious enough to let me come back home when I needed to, but I did get the hell out of his house. Another thing he taught me is that "There is no such thing as 'fair'" so it's useless to complain about things not being fair.
The third bit of wisdom from my father that I have been thinking about is "Life is hard, get over it. Nobody owes you shit." That's a big one. Life is hard, and if we are we are waiting around for others to do things for us, we are hurting ourselves by denying our own ability to take care of ourselves. We set bad examples for people looking up to us, and we learn to walk around with our hands held out. We must be more like the Honorable Marcus Mosiah Garvey, and learn to do for ourselves.
Okay having said that, I will tell you that I do believe in Reparations. The Western built much of its' wealth on the backs of slave labor and Africans worldwide are still paying for that. No amount of money can pay back the damage thats' been done in the name of profit, but we Africans can purposefully use our money to build up a strong infrastructure in the African community. We need education, healthcare, mental health and addiction counseling, financial counseling and real wealth building enterprises. We have to decide what are the aspects of our communities are positive and what has to go. It is entirely up to us to reclaim our children and make sure that we have a future as a people. If we go looking to the government or anyone else to do these things, we will meet failure every single time. If we take a long view as to what success could look like, we stand a better chance of success.
Our communities did not arrive here in this sad state. All of this has happened over time, and it is only over time that we can become healthy. It is a process that is going to take several generations to remedy this situation , but if we start NOW, we will get a lot done.
To make all of this more personal, I have dedicated myself to getting out of debt, being honest in my life and truly working hard to stay motivated and to realize my dreams.
Peace and Love
M
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
My education
So, on Monday 12/5 I took my last final. I'm done. It's a wrap. It's been a long time. Seventeen years ago, I started my college education. I went almost all the way through, but I didn't finish my last quarter. I had some personal problems and I left without finishing. For years, I meant to go back, but I always put it off. I would just lie when I was asked if I had a degree, funny and lucky for me that no one evert checked . In some way, I felt like I would never finish. But this year a lot of things happened. I started acting like a real father to my kids, my Aunt Mary died, and I turned 35.
So I finally went up to the University to take care of business and get my degree. I have to say that it was difficult, being a 35 year old among much younger people.
anyway, blah blah....
So I finally went up to the University to take care of business and get my degree. I have to say that it was difficult, being a 35 year old among much younger people.
anyway, blah blah....
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Hurt feelings
Yup, I was really hurt last night when I made that entry. Not that many people gain access to my inner circle. When I do let people in the door, the understanding is that they will tread carefully.
I can take criticism, but there is something, but I have to feel like it is motivated by the other persons' desire to see me progress and grow, not just because they don't approve of what I am doing or how I live my life.
Last night, I was so angry, but it did push me to see that I have to protect myself more while I am doing all of these other new things with my education, my writing and my life.
No matter what, I refuse to be a fake person. I refuse to behave like someone or something that I am not.
I am far from perfect. Much closer to really fucked up, but I am better now than I was and I continue to improve and get better.
No matter what anyone says, no matter who turns their backs on me, I will move forward.
im out. Bitches.
I can take criticism, but there is something, but I have to feel like it is motivated by the other persons' desire to see me progress and grow, not just because they don't approve of what I am doing or how I live my life.
Last night, I was so angry, but it did push me to see that I have to protect myself more while I am doing all of these other new things with my education, my writing and my life.
No matter what, I refuse to be a fake person. I refuse to behave like someone or something that I am not.
I am far from perfect. Much closer to really fucked up, but I am better now than I was and I continue to improve and get better.
No matter what anyone says, no matter who turns their backs on me, I will move forward.
im out. Bitches.
i no longer really give a fuck
nobody reads this thing anyway, and I need to vent, so ima just get all this shit off my chest. I am a really sensitive person. I'm a man, but I swear I'm more sensitive than most women, what I mean is that my feelings get hurt real quick. I have thin skin. I admit it. It's a weakness and I hate it.
I was in love, I thought with someone. It didn't work out, but we decided to be friends...Bullshit. Now I'm hearing all kinds of bullshit from her about what kind of man I am and what kind of man I am not, and not for the first time I wish that I was more like my brother. I wish I could just not give a fuck. So not to be someone that I am not, but who I am, the side that I show to people, that isn't working anymore, because the world is walking all over me and I am tired of feeling this way. I'm not a soft dude. Actually, yes I have been a soft dude. I am a pushover, soft ass man and that is part of the reason I keep getting fucked over by women, because I have been too weak and just let them act any way they wanted.
That person died tonight. Nobody will see that motherfucker ever again, and if you think I am an asshole, now you fucking know why.
I am tired of being a nice person, being "emotionally open" and all this shit. Years of being a nice guy and not taking care of myself, of leaning on women and being codependent has led me to two kids, no money in the bank, bad credit and living at my uncles house.
I don't give a fuck. I'm writing this right now, to send a message to myself, I can no longer live the way I have been living, because it has not gotten me where I want to be.
So from now on, fuck it. It's me and my kids. The people who understand me and don't try to use my nature against me. Thank you and God Bless You. The people who understand me, perceive me as weak and then use that against me, God Help You. I will never ever give my trust, my friendship, my affection and definitely not my love to ANYONE ever again who hasn't first proven themselves, beyond a shadow of a doubt, to be someone who deserves my friendship. I have been down on myself and lonely and feeling like shit for a long time and that is one of the reasons why I haven't made good decisions-always looking out for someone to love, instead of just loving and building me up.
I'm done with feeling like that. Even as I write this, I feel myself closing off, like I'm pulling up the drawbridge and new rampart walls are going up. I know, even writing this, that I have probably come off as needy (true) and weak (needy and low self esteem). But at least I know. This woman was so foul to me tonight, the shit that she said to me so fucked up, I'm really angry and I'll be honest with whoever is reading this, i'm hurt. Not crying hurt, but just completely confused and feeling like this whole love thing is bullshit. I want to be completely alone, because as well as I can fuck, as big as my dick is, as well as i can do all that pornstar shit, it doesn't mean anything, it is not protecting me from all this fucking loneliness. So what is going to protect me? I don't know, but I am pretty sure that I am going to just sit and be with me and relearn how to just be happy by my own self. But I am 35 and I want real companionship. I want to build a life with a woman I can trust, respect and love and she will trust, love and respect me. Women do not respect where I am now. I know all the reasons, and most of them I thought had to do with money, but they really go much deeper. It's me and the shit in me that I have not figured out. yet. I don't give a damn what any woman says. She wants a man with money. Money is important, and when you don't have any in this world, you are not a winner. You are that other thing. A loser. I am tired of being a loser. A person who no one has any real expectations of. I am tired of losing jobs, money, cars, women and friends. I have lost so many friends. I feel like shit.
You know when I feel okay? When I am with my kids, when I am high, and when I am in the ocean. My kids give me unconditional love, and I see the best of myself in them. When I smoke weed, I feel like I get to step outside myself, slow down and just think about things so I can figure shit out and plan my next steps. Also I feel happier, I can laugh, I have a big laugh, but I haven't really laughed sincerely and honestly in I don't know how long. When I am in the ocean, I feel like I am home. If I could breathe underwater, I would just go into the ocean and not look back. I am surrounded by the Ocean and I listen to it. She has a music that you can hear, beneath the whoosh of the waves and the shhh of the sand and rocks. The ocean sings to me.
yes I may just be a little depressed and a lot crazy. But I will get over it. I deserve to have a great life, one beyond all my dreams and ambitions. I deserve to be loved, but I must learn to give myself the love and respect that I want from others. Do I sound like a therapist? Good, because I am not going back to any of them. None of them have ever told me anything I didn't already know about myself anyway.
Fuck!!!!! Why does life have to be so damn hard? Why do I HAVE to go through this painful ass shit?!! Please God tell me that I am not going to feel like this all the time.
Maybe someone will read this and think "Damn that's a lot, that's too much." But you know what? I'm sick and I am trying my best to get well. This is one of the only things that I know I do well, is write, so let me write, try to figure myself out and heal my life and what you can do for me is just leave me the fuck alone.
I was in love, I thought with someone. It didn't work out, but we decided to be friends...Bullshit. Now I'm hearing all kinds of bullshit from her about what kind of man I am and what kind of man I am not, and not for the first time I wish that I was more like my brother. I wish I could just not give a fuck. So not to be someone that I am not, but who I am, the side that I show to people, that isn't working anymore, because the world is walking all over me and I am tired of feeling this way. I'm not a soft dude. Actually, yes I have been a soft dude. I am a pushover, soft ass man and that is part of the reason I keep getting fucked over by women, because I have been too weak and just let them act any way they wanted.
That person died tonight. Nobody will see that motherfucker ever again, and if you think I am an asshole, now you fucking know why.
I am tired of being a nice person, being "emotionally open" and all this shit. Years of being a nice guy and not taking care of myself, of leaning on women and being codependent has led me to two kids, no money in the bank, bad credit and living at my uncles house.
I don't give a fuck. I'm writing this right now, to send a message to myself, I can no longer live the way I have been living, because it has not gotten me where I want to be.
So from now on, fuck it. It's me and my kids. The people who understand me and don't try to use my nature against me. Thank you and God Bless You. The people who understand me, perceive me as weak and then use that against me, God Help You. I will never ever give my trust, my friendship, my affection and definitely not my love to ANYONE ever again who hasn't first proven themselves, beyond a shadow of a doubt, to be someone who deserves my friendship. I have been down on myself and lonely and feeling like shit for a long time and that is one of the reasons why I haven't made good decisions-always looking out for someone to love, instead of just loving and building me up.
I'm done with feeling like that. Even as I write this, I feel myself closing off, like I'm pulling up the drawbridge and new rampart walls are going up. I know, even writing this, that I have probably come off as needy (true) and weak (needy and low self esteem). But at least I know. This woman was so foul to me tonight, the shit that she said to me so fucked up, I'm really angry and I'll be honest with whoever is reading this, i'm hurt. Not crying hurt, but just completely confused and feeling like this whole love thing is bullshit. I want to be completely alone, because as well as I can fuck, as big as my dick is, as well as i can do all that pornstar shit, it doesn't mean anything, it is not protecting me from all this fucking loneliness. So what is going to protect me? I don't know, but I am pretty sure that I am going to just sit and be with me and relearn how to just be happy by my own self. But I am 35 and I want real companionship. I want to build a life with a woman I can trust, respect and love and she will trust, love and respect me. Women do not respect where I am now. I know all the reasons, and most of them I thought had to do with money, but they really go much deeper. It's me and the shit in me that I have not figured out. yet. I don't give a damn what any woman says. She wants a man with money. Money is important, and when you don't have any in this world, you are not a winner. You are that other thing. A loser. I am tired of being a loser. A person who no one has any real expectations of. I am tired of losing jobs, money, cars, women and friends. I have lost so many friends. I feel like shit.
You know when I feel okay? When I am with my kids, when I am high, and when I am in the ocean. My kids give me unconditional love, and I see the best of myself in them. When I smoke weed, I feel like I get to step outside myself, slow down and just think about things so I can figure shit out and plan my next steps. Also I feel happier, I can laugh, I have a big laugh, but I haven't really laughed sincerely and honestly in I don't know how long. When I am in the ocean, I feel like I am home. If I could breathe underwater, I would just go into the ocean and not look back. I am surrounded by the Ocean and I listen to it. She has a music that you can hear, beneath the whoosh of the waves and the shhh of the sand and rocks. The ocean sings to me.
yes I may just be a little depressed and a lot crazy. But I will get over it. I deserve to have a great life, one beyond all my dreams and ambitions. I deserve to be loved, but I must learn to give myself the love and respect that I want from others. Do I sound like a therapist? Good, because I am not going back to any of them. None of them have ever told me anything I didn't already know about myself anyway.
Fuck!!!!! Why does life have to be so damn hard? Why do I HAVE to go through this painful ass shit?!! Please God tell me that I am not going to feel like this all the time.
Maybe someone will read this and think "Damn that's a lot, that's too much." But you know what? I'm sick and I am trying my best to get well. This is one of the only things that I know I do well, is write, so let me write, try to figure myself out and heal my life and what you can do for me is just leave me the fuck alone.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Governor S. do you believe in Redemption?
I sent this to Arnold today.
A letter to Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger,
This could be your Best Last Chance, but maybe no one has pointed it out to you because they do not think the way I do.
My dear Governor. You have a crisis of conscience in front of you. The people do not believe in you anymore. We see that you are simply like your best character, the Terminator, a cold blooded programmed killer that discovers his human self. You are telling the people sir, that you are not this person that you are entirely guided by your own will.
You have seen, the world has witnessed a civil miracle, a social force in the person of Mr Stanley “Tookie” Williams. Stanley Williams is a man who has struggled with the impulse to be his worst, to be non human. He has lived for years in a place where the best way to be is to be nonhuman, like your character. He has been recognized by the highest authorities that he has regained his humanity, that he has been redeemed. People that knew you in your former life, they have told you that he is a good man. Do you not believe in your friends? Would you personally kill a man like this in your movies? Wouldn’t that be so terribly unfair? Well sir, this is real life and you have the ability to save a real human life. You can do this or you can kill Stanley Williams.
For me, I do not understand. Yes I do, Yes I do. You do not know what to do. Let me talk to you about an alternate way of seeing things. I mentioned earlier that the people do not believe that you think for yourself and here is an opportunity to demonstrate otherwise. Now you can show everyone-that you are not programmed except by your own conscience that you are not just going to kill this man even though that he has been “okayed”. This is not a decision that you will regret.
If it has not been made clear to you then let me make it clear to you now. Black people will love you for this. We will, (because we love show, we love to welcome the redeemed) rally behind you. We will at least listen, you will have earned our ear. There will be millions of people listening who didn’t listen to you before. You will have shown us that you too are human. We are a very loyal people you know, and we love our heroes. Maybe you learned this when you made your movies and we little black boys lined up to pay and see you deal with the bad guys. I spent many a Saturday in your company, sir. You remain, despite whatever your politics are and real life actions have been, my very favorite all time Action Hero. You were a Hero to many of us-I never understood why you wanted to become a Politician. Yes I do, Yes I do.
In any case Sir, here is your chance to be about the business of serving the masses. The most of us, instead of the least of us. Even those of us who do not vote, those of us who are afraid, those of us who need the most help from those of you in power. You may be on the road to becoming “The Real Peoples’ Champ”.
I wonder Sir, where your true intentions are. The role of an elected official is to represent the people, not just those who elect them or those who who support the politicians. You are in office to be a Governor, a politician for all of us, not just for the wealthy, powerful and vocal. You have a chance to be a Governor for the most of us, not who has the most money.
I wish that I knew you well enough to have this conversation with you in person, or at least on the phone. I hope that these words reach you and that you consider carefully what you will do and say. I do not want a form letter reply or some Xeroxed and stamped BS letter. I want you to tell me as my elected official, why you make whatever decision you decide to make. I am no one, and certainly your decision is between you and your God, but I still want to know why. I am so happy to hear that you have granted a hearing, but this can’t be a political move, it has to be real and sincere.
I am praying for you and for all of our souls. I am praying for Tookie. I believe in the power of prayer and spirit. I hope Sir, for all of our sakes that you are a believer in these things too. I pray that these words reach your heart and that you choose life for Mr. Williams.
Thanks so much. God Bless you,
Malcolm Hoover
East Palo Alto, CA
A letter to Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger,
This could be your Best Last Chance, but maybe no one has pointed it out to you because they do not think the way I do.
My dear Governor. You have a crisis of conscience in front of you. The people do not believe in you anymore. We see that you are simply like your best character, the Terminator, a cold blooded programmed killer that discovers his human self. You are telling the people sir, that you are not this person that you are entirely guided by your own will.
You have seen, the world has witnessed a civil miracle, a social force in the person of Mr Stanley “Tookie” Williams. Stanley Williams is a man who has struggled with the impulse to be his worst, to be non human. He has lived for years in a place where the best way to be is to be nonhuman, like your character. He has been recognized by the highest authorities that he has regained his humanity, that he has been redeemed. People that knew you in your former life, they have told you that he is a good man. Do you not believe in your friends? Would you personally kill a man like this in your movies? Wouldn’t that be so terribly unfair? Well sir, this is real life and you have the ability to save a real human life. You can do this or you can kill Stanley Williams.
For me, I do not understand. Yes I do, Yes I do. You do not know what to do. Let me talk to you about an alternate way of seeing things. I mentioned earlier that the people do not believe that you think for yourself and here is an opportunity to demonstrate otherwise. Now you can show everyone-that you are not programmed except by your own conscience that you are not just going to kill this man even though that he has been “okayed”. This is not a decision that you will regret.
If it has not been made clear to you then let me make it clear to you now. Black people will love you for this. We will, (because we love show, we love to welcome the redeemed) rally behind you. We will at least listen, you will have earned our ear. There will be millions of people listening who didn’t listen to you before. You will have shown us that you too are human. We are a very loyal people you know, and we love our heroes. Maybe you learned this when you made your movies and we little black boys lined up to pay and see you deal with the bad guys. I spent many a Saturday in your company, sir. You remain, despite whatever your politics are and real life actions have been, my very favorite all time Action Hero. You were a Hero to many of us-I never understood why you wanted to become a Politician. Yes I do, Yes I do.
In any case Sir, here is your chance to be about the business of serving the masses. The most of us, instead of the least of us. Even those of us who do not vote, those of us who are afraid, those of us who need the most help from those of you in power. You may be on the road to becoming “The Real Peoples’ Champ”.
I wonder Sir, where your true intentions are. The role of an elected official is to represent the people, not just those who elect them or those who who support the politicians. You are in office to be a Governor, a politician for all of us, not just for the wealthy, powerful and vocal. You have a chance to be a Governor for the most of us, not who has the most money.
I wish that I knew you well enough to have this conversation with you in person, or at least on the phone. I hope that these words reach you and that you consider carefully what you will do and say. I do not want a form letter reply or some Xeroxed and stamped BS letter. I want you to tell me as my elected official, why you make whatever decision you decide to make. I am no one, and certainly your decision is between you and your God, but I still want to know why. I am so happy to hear that you have granted a hearing, but this can’t be a political move, it has to be real and sincere.
I am praying for you and for all of our souls. I am praying for Tookie. I believe in the power of prayer and spirit. I hope Sir, for all of our sakes that you are a believer in these things too. I pray that these words reach your heart and that you choose life for Mr. Williams.
Thanks so much. God Bless you,
Malcolm Hoover
East Palo Alto, CA
Monday, November 14, 2005
The end of White Guilt-Towards a Luv based movement
Whatever. I was at a great party this weekend, in the Oakland home of my girl-Iz Fabulous. It was a bday party for one of her housemates, but it was like the New Bohemian Power Summit up in that piece.
I am always happy to be around young people and there were plenty of young beautiful people at this party. On the front porch there was a group of about one dozen Oakland youth posted on the steps talking about hip hop. They were super goofy, all that young twenties late teen exuberance bundled up and bursting through. They were rapping and dancing some, nowhere close to the beat from the music upstairs, but they were on their own vibe totally in their own cool little Oakland world, content to entertain each other with the stuff they just made up right there. They were mostly white kids and It's not that these kids were performing, they were having fun in a way that was completely natural to them. They were dancing and rapping, two things that white kids are not supposed to do well. And they were doing it well, to death as a matter of fact. They were not aping Hip Hop, those kids were Hip Hop.
It's not new. There are plenty of "white people" in hip hop, people who love it just as much as anyone else. Everyone has their reasons, but what it made me think about is the fact that this Hip Hop, this real Hip Hop is a love based movement. I am not talking about the Hip Hop that is a festival of homicide, genocide and suicide, sexism and homophobia. (though some of that music bumps too) I am talking about the Hip Hop that reaches into your heart and turns your experiences into something vibrant and real, that other people can share and take part in. Hip Hop can be a beautiful thing and at this party I saw that Hip Hop is alive and well in the hands of the Oakland Youth.
Nobody needs to come to those kids and tell them how racism is bullshit. They know, they naturally have multi racial friendships and an ability to look at race, class and gender in ways that most of us older folk have to go to college to learn. It is these kids that Dr. King was talking about when he spoke of "content of character" They take up Social Justice issues because they see what life can be like when we put our humanity before our skin color. I am not saying that race and privilege do not play a factor, but at least we acknowledge and interrogate their influences. If those kids had been mostly Black, Spanish speaking, Filipino or Polynesian youth I would have been impressed, but I was super impressed coz they were white. I know that's fucked up, but it's true.
I've spent a lot of time with these East Bay people. The Bay Area is already a special place, full of culture, education, natural beauty, history and innovation. I love it here in the Bay, especially Oakland, because it is a city of neighborhoods, people still try to get to know each other and the feel of the city is still down to earth and grounded.
Whatever, I don't know where I was going with that strain of thought, I had to get up and teach my class...I'm writing this hours after I started, but ironically, the same story is on the radio about the guy Tion Seck from Senegal on "All Things Considered" on NPR.
I started writing this installment with the intention of talking about White Guilt. White guilt is useless and self indulgent. It is not useful for building or sustaining any kind of lasting movement. We can't go very far if our rallying cry is "Blame Whitey!" Anyone who reads this blog or knows me, understands that I do not cut white America any slack at all, I really believe that the dismantling of white privilege is going to bring us closer together as human beings. Right now, white people are taught that they need to do what it takes to preserve white privilege, because keeping white people on top is what keeps all of society in such good shape. If we do not preserve and perpetuate the social and economic status of white people, all of us will suffer. yup. There have been, there are now and hopefully always will be white folks who buck against this. All of the white people that I have in my "inner circle of friends" are people like that.
Those of us who want Peace, Freedom, Equality and Justice, we want that for everyone. As a male, I believe in and fight for the liberation of women because I think the world will be better off if women are granted all the benefits and privileges that men receive. I know that we as a human race will develop by leaps and bounds if we stop praying at the altar of the "Great White God" The allegiance of a critical mass of white people is absolutely neccessary in this process, but if we as people of color just stopped treating white people like some kind of superhumans, if we stopped teaching our kids to be intimidated by them, stopped treating their women like they are the most beautiful, stopped looking to Europe for all the answers, if we just started to trust ourselves more, we will make a lot of progress in killing that mentality.
back to my thoughts about white guilt...
that shit is just not useful. Not in the long term. We cannot come together as people from making people feel like crap. The way to build a movement with white people is to find those white people who can genuinely appreciate and enjoy the humanity of all people and to use those people to educate other white people. White people need to tell other white people about their shit. People of color can call it out all day, we are probably preaching to the choir. Anyway, I just want life to be good for all people. I don't want to replace the power of white people with some black people just because "I want my turn", everyone deserves to have the best life that they can make for themselves and their community. White supremacy, sexism, classism, all those things are holding us all back from reaching our potential as human beings.
That's really enough of a ramble for today. Peace to the Peaceful.
I am always happy to be around young people and there were plenty of young beautiful people at this party. On the front porch there was a group of about one dozen Oakland youth posted on the steps talking about hip hop. They were super goofy, all that young twenties late teen exuberance bundled up and bursting through. They were rapping and dancing some, nowhere close to the beat from the music upstairs, but they were on their own vibe totally in their own cool little Oakland world, content to entertain each other with the stuff they just made up right there. They were mostly white kids and It's not that these kids were performing, they were having fun in a way that was completely natural to them. They were dancing and rapping, two things that white kids are not supposed to do well. And they were doing it well, to death as a matter of fact. They were not aping Hip Hop, those kids were Hip Hop.
It's not new. There are plenty of "white people" in hip hop, people who love it just as much as anyone else. Everyone has their reasons, but what it made me think about is the fact that this Hip Hop, this real Hip Hop is a love based movement. I am not talking about the Hip Hop that is a festival of homicide, genocide and suicide, sexism and homophobia. (though some of that music bumps too) I am talking about the Hip Hop that reaches into your heart and turns your experiences into something vibrant and real, that other people can share and take part in. Hip Hop can be a beautiful thing and at this party I saw that Hip Hop is alive and well in the hands of the Oakland Youth.
Nobody needs to come to those kids and tell them how racism is bullshit. They know, they naturally have multi racial friendships and an ability to look at race, class and gender in ways that most of us older folk have to go to college to learn. It is these kids that Dr. King was talking about when he spoke of "content of character" They take up Social Justice issues because they see what life can be like when we put our humanity before our skin color. I am not saying that race and privilege do not play a factor, but at least we acknowledge and interrogate their influences. If those kids had been mostly Black, Spanish speaking, Filipino or Polynesian youth I would have been impressed, but I was super impressed coz they were white. I know that's fucked up, but it's true.
I've spent a lot of time with these East Bay people. The Bay Area is already a special place, full of culture, education, natural beauty, history and innovation. I love it here in the Bay, especially Oakland, because it is a city of neighborhoods, people still try to get to know each other and the feel of the city is still down to earth and grounded.
Whatever, I don't know where I was going with that strain of thought, I had to get up and teach my class...I'm writing this hours after I started, but ironically, the same story is on the radio about the guy Tion Seck from Senegal on "All Things Considered" on NPR.
I started writing this installment with the intention of talking about White Guilt. White guilt is useless and self indulgent. It is not useful for building or sustaining any kind of lasting movement. We can't go very far if our rallying cry is "Blame Whitey!" Anyone who reads this blog or knows me, understands that I do not cut white America any slack at all, I really believe that the dismantling of white privilege is going to bring us closer together as human beings. Right now, white people are taught that they need to do what it takes to preserve white privilege, because keeping white people on top is what keeps all of society in such good shape. If we do not preserve and perpetuate the social and economic status of white people, all of us will suffer. yup. There have been, there are now and hopefully always will be white folks who buck against this. All of the white people that I have in my "inner circle of friends" are people like that.
Those of us who want Peace, Freedom, Equality and Justice, we want that for everyone. As a male, I believe in and fight for the liberation of women because I think the world will be better off if women are granted all the benefits and privileges that men receive. I know that we as a human race will develop by leaps and bounds if we stop praying at the altar of the "Great White God" The allegiance of a critical mass of white people is absolutely neccessary in this process, but if we as people of color just stopped treating white people like some kind of superhumans, if we stopped teaching our kids to be intimidated by them, stopped treating their women like they are the most beautiful, stopped looking to Europe for all the answers, if we just started to trust ourselves more, we will make a lot of progress in killing that mentality.
back to my thoughts about white guilt...
that shit is just not useful. Not in the long term. We cannot come together as people from making people feel like crap. The way to build a movement with white people is to find those white people who can genuinely appreciate and enjoy the humanity of all people and to use those people to educate other white people. White people need to tell other white people about their shit. People of color can call it out all day, we are probably preaching to the choir. Anyway, I just want life to be good for all people. I don't want to replace the power of white people with some black people just because "I want my turn", everyone deserves to have the best life that they can make for themselves and their community. White supremacy, sexism, classism, all those things are holding us all back from reaching our potential as human beings.
That's really enough of a ramble for today. Peace to the Peaceful.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Its been a long time
I shouldn't have left you....
You all know the rest.
Let me see, what do I want to share:
1. The world is expensive
2. The youth are amazing
3. Music will change the world
4. Life is what you make it
5. Honesty really is the best policy
6. It hurts but love hard anyway.
It hurts, but love hard anyway.
I was dating this woman for a while, a few months. She and I didn't work out, and I don't even really have anything to be mad about. It wasn't the right time, we are both busy, I have 2 kids...It was a lot and it hurts because we do really care for one another, but it is not going to be. This happened a while ago, but I ran into her on the street briefly and it just made me think. I may have done some things differently, but for the most part I acted the way that I thought I should have. Anyway, it didn't work, and it hurts but I love hard anyway. Be true to your heart.
Honesty
Just don't lie. You don't always have to tell the whole absolute ugly stinking truth, but you should not lie. Trust me, it's a bad habit that is really hard to break. I am used to lying a lot to get out of things, and it's just not a good policy. Better you tell the tuth now, and take waht happens then be found out later and have to deal with that. I would rather someone tell me the truth and hurt me in the short term, rather than lie to me and me find out later.
Expensive
Bills are kicking my ass. I know that bills are kicking a lot of peoples' asses so I won't sit here and complain. At least I have a job, that I am good at, I am grateful for and I enjoy, so i know that I can pay them all eventually, but right now, in the short term, it's a lot. I know too, that money just represents energy and when I find a way to better channel that energy the same way I channel my creative energy, more money will come.
I claim that right now.
Amazing Youth
I went to a show this weekend in Oakland. It was amazing. There was dancig, raaping and singing. I am happy to report that real hip hop is alive and well in Oakland, Ca . The youth have it well in hand. Big Ups to Mr. Know it All. They were at such a high level, I was totally in awe. Anyway keep your ears open for BUMP records. They are doing it movin....
Music will Change the World
Perhaps it is just me. Music alone cannot make people stop being greedy or feed the hungry or help the needy, but it can and does move the human spirit. Moving the spirit is the first step to changing society, so it is important that our music makers create music that is sincere (not neccesarily positive) and from the heart. I don't care if its corrido, rap, salsa, bhangra, or the blues-real music transcends all boundaries and touches all people.
Life is what you make it
This is hard for me to say to people who don't have the opportunities that I have been given, a good family, great education, good community support, etc. But having said that, I will also say this-I know what it is to be poor and to struggle. I have been poor and struggling and I am still broke right now. But I also know that as I lift my head and try to make the life I have for myself in my head real, somehow these opportunities to do more keep presenting themselves. I prayed a while ago that if God would just show me the way, just light up my path for me, I would walk it. I promised my maker that I would do my best to stay on target. I am trying that now, and it seems to be working.
Peace and Blessings lovedones.
-M
You all know the rest.
Let me see, what do I want to share:
1. The world is expensive
2. The youth are amazing
3. Music will change the world
4. Life is what you make it
5. Honesty really is the best policy
6. It hurts but love hard anyway.
It hurts, but love hard anyway.
I was dating this woman for a while, a few months. She and I didn't work out, and I don't even really have anything to be mad about. It wasn't the right time, we are both busy, I have 2 kids...It was a lot and it hurts because we do really care for one another, but it is not going to be. This happened a while ago, but I ran into her on the street briefly and it just made me think. I may have done some things differently, but for the most part I acted the way that I thought I should have. Anyway, it didn't work, and it hurts but I love hard anyway. Be true to your heart.
Honesty
Just don't lie. You don't always have to tell the whole absolute ugly stinking truth, but you should not lie. Trust me, it's a bad habit that is really hard to break. I am used to lying a lot to get out of things, and it's just not a good policy. Better you tell the tuth now, and take waht happens then be found out later and have to deal with that. I would rather someone tell me the truth and hurt me in the short term, rather than lie to me and me find out later.
Expensive
Bills are kicking my ass. I know that bills are kicking a lot of peoples' asses so I won't sit here and complain. At least I have a job, that I am good at, I am grateful for and I enjoy, so i know that I can pay them all eventually, but right now, in the short term, it's a lot. I know too, that money just represents energy and when I find a way to better channel that energy the same way I channel my creative energy, more money will come.
I claim that right now.
Amazing Youth
I went to a show this weekend in Oakland. It was amazing. There was dancig, raaping and singing. I am happy to report that real hip hop is alive and well in Oakland, Ca . The youth have it well in hand. Big Ups to Mr. Know it All. They were at such a high level, I was totally in awe. Anyway keep your ears open for BUMP records. They are doing it movin....
Music will Change the World
Perhaps it is just me. Music alone cannot make people stop being greedy or feed the hungry or help the needy, but it can and does move the human spirit. Moving the spirit is the first step to changing society, so it is important that our music makers create music that is sincere (not neccesarily positive) and from the heart. I don't care if its corrido, rap, salsa, bhangra, or the blues-real music transcends all boundaries and touches all people.
Life is what you make it
This is hard for me to say to people who don't have the opportunities that I have been given, a good family, great education, good community support, etc. But having said that, I will also say this-I know what it is to be poor and to struggle. I have been poor and struggling and I am still broke right now. But I also know that as I lift my head and try to make the life I have for myself in my head real, somehow these opportunities to do more keep presenting themselves. I prayed a while ago that if God would just show me the way, just light up my path for me, I would walk it. I promised my maker that I would do my best to stay on target. I am trying that now, and it seems to be working.
Peace and Blessings lovedones.
-M
Friday, October 14, 2005
White People Should be Ashamed
This is just a repost of what I wrote on Craigslist last week.
I'm appalled. I mean I am really fucking angry. It's not a surprise to me, really the way *some* white people post here on CL. I mean this is a racist, classist world and the Bay Area, with all of our talk of enlightenment is no different. Those of you who know better should be up in arms against these assholes, because it makes all of you look bad.
It's just that today, for whatever reasons, it grates on me even more than usual. I like CL, I really do, and it bothers me to my core that this is not a place that we can have intelligent and civil discussions about race and class. I mean, damn. Anyone with half a brain can look at the facts and the way that whites act as a group and see that often, in acting in their own self interest, they ignore what is good for everyone else. So many people seem to think that we as a nation are beyond racism, that it's gone. It may not be legal or socially acceptable, but a deep hatred, fear and distrust for people of African descent is thriving in the hearts of "our sick white brothers" as Dr. King called you. I know this, I always have, but I continue to try to think that someday White America will wake up and do a better job of being human beings. But that is not my job. Dr King and many of his contemporaries really tried to appeal to you dumb motherfuckers, but you didn't listen, it just didn't make sense to you. It's not my job to try and convince you of my humanity, integrity or intelligence. I don't think that those among you who are racist are going to change. I also don't think as many people do, that a mass race war is going to help.
Killing only kills people, it is not going to change anything, a lot of people will die and the polemicists and radicals on either side will be justified in their hate. I am a Christian and my faith teaches me that killing is wrong period, but not everyone feels the way I do, and you know what? Today, reading the posts I understand. I really have to dig deep today, to not feed into your hate mongering jokes and posts.
I know something that you apparently do not. We did not get here like this. African people did not leave Africa as slaves. We did not come here over 216 years of importation and human breeding a broken people. African slavery and colonialism was a united and deliberate effort by the Catholic Church the European Monarchy and mercantile class of the nations of Europe to undermine, destabilize and depopulate Africa. It is no coincidence that the most corrupt African countries today are the same regions where most of the slaves were taken from. A great number of the monarchs, scholars and skilled laborers were brought to the west in chains, and then scattered across the Americas.This has been documented by Europeans, Africans, and Americans for a long time now. Africa is in such a terrible state because of 1)European greed 2)Lack of political sophistication and 3)The greed of the African leadership. It's absolutely frustrating that the leadership of the African continent cannot get their shit together enough to unite and throw off the yoke of European imperialism. This whole debt forgiveness thing is a sham. How can the world powers pretend that the Africans owe them anything? What about the Trillions in stolen capital that people who were enslaved represent? What about all of the African wealth stolen during the colonial years. Europeans still control most of the industrial capital in Africa! Europeans and Americans are directly responsible for the situations that created so much debt and destabilization in the first place!
The contemporary state of Black America is the fault of a multi generational campaign of government sponsored, assisted and condoned white supremacy and terrorism. From the slave importers, to the Ku Klux Klan, the Black Codes, the Jim Crow laws, to COINTELPRO. This is an undeniable truth and none of you revisionist history motherfucking assholes are going to successfully argue with me about that. I know for a fact that the cultures that we came to this country with were systematically destroyed. A people cannot sustain itself without their own culture. Hip Hop is not, should not be a sustaining culture of African people. It's cool, I love it, but it is no substitute for the majesty of having your own religion, language, social codes and history-the whole toolkit of a culture. I look at the various Asians, but especially the Chinese. No matter what they went through, they were able to maintain their beautiful culture, so they survived whatever was thrown at them. The indigenous people of the US and African people our cultures were destroyed by the white man in America. This too, is undeniable. I have no land to call my own. I have no language to call my own. I have no idea by what names and concepts my ancestors called our Gods. This is not because of the natural cycle of assimilation, but because of a concerted effort by White people to break the spirits of Africans in the enslavement process.
African Americans now for the most part have completely abandoned whatever vestiges of "Africaness" we had as a community. The traditions of extended family, service, collective responsibility, self improvement-all or most of that has been forgotten, rooted out, cast to the side, and yes those of us that remember are working hard to change that, and there is some hope, but it just makes it worse that there are so many ignorant white people that sit around and point the finger at a situation that was created to benefit them in the first place.
Only a broken people can suffer like we have and not struggle and strive for wholeness. This was done to us. White America has broken the spirit of Black America, but only Black America can repair itself. It kills me to see a grown man in the street, drunk at 11am, begging for money. It kills me to see so many of our young people pursuing self destruction at breakneck speed. I hate it, but I do not hate my people. There will be redemption, but we as Black people, have to work at it consciously and diligently. Our answers, our hope, our future is definitely not in the hands or hearts of white people. Our hope lies within ourselves, but we will not find it if we keep walking around with our hands out and our heads down. That effort only assists those who hate us.
I know that a lot of you are going to email me-go ahead do whatever, but I know that none of you racists are man enough to meet me and say to my face what you feel, none of you are willing to engage someone who is not afraid of you, not intimidated by you in conversation. I don't give a fuck about you and I am not afraid of you, I am singularly dedicated to the upliftment of my people.
And before you get started, my stepmother is white, and she is one of the best human beings I have ever known. She and my father have been married for almost thirty years. But even she has struggled with the ideas that her family raised her with. White supremacy is a disease, we all suffer from the effects of it, and we would all be better off without it. I will also say this. Poor white people, poor people in general-you are not the enemies of African people. Our enemy is mutual, but like the figurative devil that he is, he hides behind lies and tries to pit us against one another. The liberation of African people is the liberation of all people. I believe this with all my heart. This is what I fight for.
This IS rants and raves, I get to say whatever the hell I want.
I'm appalled. I mean I am really fucking angry. It's not a surprise to me, really the way *some* white people post here on CL. I mean this is a racist, classist world and the Bay Area, with all of our talk of enlightenment is no different. Those of you who know better should be up in arms against these assholes, because it makes all of you look bad.
It's just that today, for whatever reasons, it grates on me even more than usual. I like CL, I really do, and it bothers me to my core that this is not a place that we can have intelligent and civil discussions about race and class. I mean, damn. Anyone with half a brain can look at the facts and the way that whites act as a group and see that often, in acting in their own self interest, they ignore what is good for everyone else. So many people seem to think that we as a nation are beyond racism, that it's gone. It may not be legal or socially acceptable, but a deep hatred, fear and distrust for people of African descent is thriving in the hearts of "our sick white brothers" as Dr. King called you. I know this, I always have, but I continue to try to think that someday White America will wake up and do a better job of being human beings. But that is not my job. Dr King and many of his contemporaries really tried to appeal to you dumb motherfuckers, but you didn't listen, it just didn't make sense to you. It's not my job to try and convince you of my humanity, integrity or intelligence. I don't think that those among you who are racist are going to change. I also don't think as many people do, that a mass race war is going to help.
Killing only kills people, it is not going to change anything, a lot of people will die and the polemicists and radicals on either side will be justified in their hate. I am a Christian and my faith teaches me that killing is wrong period, but not everyone feels the way I do, and you know what? Today, reading the posts I understand. I really have to dig deep today, to not feed into your hate mongering jokes and posts.
I know something that you apparently do not. We did not get here like this. African people did not leave Africa as slaves. We did not come here over 216 years of importation and human breeding a broken people. African slavery and colonialism was a united and deliberate effort by the Catholic Church the European Monarchy and mercantile class of the nations of Europe to undermine, destabilize and depopulate Africa. It is no coincidence that the most corrupt African countries today are the same regions where most of the slaves were taken from. A great number of the monarchs, scholars and skilled laborers were brought to the west in chains, and then scattered across the Americas.This has been documented by Europeans, Africans, and Americans for a long time now. Africa is in such a terrible state because of 1)European greed 2)Lack of political sophistication and 3)The greed of the African leadership. It's absolutely frustrating that the leadership of the African continent cannot get their shit together enough to unite and throw off the yoke of European imperialism. This whole debt forgiveness thing is a sham. How can the world powers pretend that the Africans owe them anything? What about the Trillions in stolen capital that people who were enslaved represent? What about all of the African wealth stolen during the colonial years. Europeans still control most of the industrial capital in Africa! Europeans and Americans are directly responsible for the situations that created so much debt and destabilization in the first place!
The contemporary state of Black America is the fault of a multi generational campaign of government sponsored, assisted and condoned white supremacy and terrorism. From the slave importers, to the Ku Klux Klan, the Black Codes, the Jim Crow laws, to COINTELPRO. This is an undeniable truth and none of you revisionist history motherfucking assholes are going to successfully argue with me about that. I know for a fact that the cultures that we came to this country with were systematically destroyed. A people cannot sustain itself without their own culture. Hip Hop is not, should not be a sustaining culture of African people. It's cool, I love it, but it is no substitute for the majesty of having your own religion, language, social codes and history-the whole toolkit of a culture. I look at the various Asians, but especially the Chinese. No matter what they went through, they were able to maintain their beautiful culture, so they survived whatever was thrown at them. The indigenous people of the US and African people our cultures were destroyed by the white man in America. This too, is undeniable. I have no land to call my own. I have no language to call my own. I have no idea by what names and concepts my ancestors called our Gods. This is not because of the natural cycle of assimilation, but because of a concerted effort by White people to break the spirits of Africans in the enslavement process.
African Americans now for the most part have completely abandoned whatever vestiges of "Africaness" we had as a community. The traditions of extended family, service, collective responsibility, self improvement-all or most of that has been forgotten, rooted out, cast to the side, and yes those of us that remember are working hard to change that, and there is some hope, but it just makes it worse that there are so many ignorant white people that sit around and point the finger at a situation that was created to benefit them in the first place.
Only a broken people can suffer like we have and not struggle and strive for wholeness. This was done to us. White America has broken the spirit of Black America, but only Black America can repair itself. It kills me to see a grown man in the street, drunk at 11am, begging for money. It kills me to see so many of our young people pursuing self destruction at breakneck speed. I hate it, but I do not hate my people. There will be redemption, but we as Black people, have to work at it consciously and diligently. Our answers, our hope, our future is definitely not in the hands or hearts of white people. Our hope lies within ourselves, but we will not find it if we keep walking around with our hands out and our heads down. That effort only assists those who hate us.
I know that a lot of you are going to email me-go ahead do whatever, but I know that none of you racists are man enough to meet me and say to my face what you feel, none of you are willing to engage someone who is not afraid of you, not intimidated by you in conversation. I don't give a fuck about you and I am not afraid of you, I am singularly dedicated to the upliftment of my people.
And before you get started, my stepmother is white, and she is one of the best human beings I have ever known. She and my father have been married for almost thirty years. But even she has struggled with the ideas that her family raised her with. White supremacy is a disease, we all suffer from the effects of it, and we would all be better off without it. I will also say this. Poor white people, poor people in general-you are not the enemies of African people. Our enemy is mutual, but like the figurative devil that he is, he hides behind lies and tries to pit us against one another. The liberation of African people is the liberation of all people. I believe this with all my heart. This is what I fight for.
This IS rants and raves, I get to say whatever the hell I want.
Back to school and other musings
I recently returned to school after being out for 13 years. I participated in my graduation ceremony, but I never went back to take the 3 classes that I needed to graduate. There was just so much going on, I couldn’t focus to make it happen. I took some classes at
So here I am, in 2005 taking my last class so I can finally graduate and get my BA. It’s really humbling, being around so many bright young people. I was never as “on it” as these kids are, so I am learning. I am learning from my classmates, my instructor and my section leader, who happens to be a guy close to my age.
Education should be a tool that serves the cause of personal and communal Liberation. What we have now, what passes for education in most of our schools is training, training that doesn’t do anything but perpetuate the conditions that our communities find themselves in. A true education is one that serves to increase the intellectual capacity of the educated. A real education transmits skills that empower young people to become independent and self sufficient. I tell my students that education is a two way process, that their job is to learn, and the teachers’ job is to teach. If they are not learning in school, the failure is the teachers and the students.
-Afrikan Proverb
I write that on the board every day when I teach. I know my students look up to me, and so I try to teach by example. I want them to know that I am basically just an older version of them. I have gone through a lot of the same things they go through and came through on the other side ok. The other day I explained to my kids about the love that I have for them as my students. I have brilliant kids, but for whatever reasons, many of them are not making it in the schools here. It is not for lack of brainpower, all teachers have had some brilliant students who just don't make it. But the saddest thing is that these kids don't know how brilliant they are, they think that these grades mean something, that they really judge how smart the kids are. My young people desperately need to understand that they are beautiful, that they are brilliant, that they deserve all the best things in life. I am a grown man of 35. It has taken me my whole life to unlearn all the shit that I learned while I was trying to make it.
Somehow, I never learned to expect the best from myself, and I got used to being lax and lazy. I relied way too much on my natural intelligence and just getting over. That doesn't work for the long term. At some point, natural talent, or intelligence is not going to be enough, and hard work has to kick in.
That being said, I am teaching that to my students. We write, we talk, and they are learning to demand more of themselves.
I wanted to write here about a true friend, Child. Child is a music producer, DJ extraordinaire. I have a few friends who DJ professionally but I've been kicking it with him pretty tough for a couple of years now.
Anyway, I really respect the opinions of my friends. I went to his house last week to read some of the stuff that I've been writing. I expected to get an honest opinion, but I got something way more than that. He basically told me that I was not incredible, that my stuff was predictable and sounded like a whole lot of other stuff out there. It really threw me off, because all this time I've been thinking I am a pretty good writer. Apparently not. I am, but not incredibly so. Childs' advice to me was to write more like I talk, that would be better. He said that I am more compelling in person, that he would rather hear me talk about something that I am passionate about rather than read my poetry. Damn, right? No it was great!
So now, I am still going ahead with my book, fuck it, it's still my shit. I still think that what I write is relevant, but what I have to do more is to push myself to make my writing sound more like me when I am just sitting around with my folks.
My only aim is to communicate to have an impact with what I have to say.
Okay that's enough for now.
Peace to the Peaceful
-M
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Mary Eleanor Rhodes Hoover
This summer, my family buried one of the greatest African women to grace this planet. My Aunt Mary. You can google her name and see all the stuff she did. She was a pioneer in literacy, a leader in the thinking about Black Linguistics (Ebonics), a revolutionary educator, an awesome mom, etc. She was deep. Look her up for yourself. I want to take some time and space to tell you who she was to me.
Auntie was my other mother. There are a few women who I can say mothered me (my mom Brendah, my Stepmother, Hope, my best friends moms) but no one was like my Aunt Mary. She was, beside my mom, my first teacher. She had me reading and writing at age two. It is probably because of her, that I am a writer today.
Okay that's enough of that.
My Aunt Mary.
It's been a while and so now I can write about it. My Aunt Mary passed away this summer, and I tell you she was a giant. She was one of those people who everyone knows, she was often called on to speak about Ebonics and/or literacy. Aunt Mary was a genius. You can google her and read about all that other stuff online somewhere else. I want to write about who she was to me. I read her obit at the funeral. It was really long, I like to talk and by the time I finished reading it, I was tired. She did a lot for a lot of people. Spent her whole life serving African people worldwide, but like I said, you can read all about that somewhere else. I want to tell you, who ever reads this, what she meant to me.
Aunt Mary always, always, always believed in me. She taught me to read and write at the age of two, thus kickstarting my lifelong love of learning. My cousins used to joke that my favorite word was "why?" and it was probably because "why?" leads to the best reading, the best conversations, the best of a lot of things starts with "why?" Mary taught me to always question, even if the person you were asking was an elder. It is all in the way you ask the question, not the question you ask.
She never judged me. Even when I was terrible, just screwing up and running around acting like an asshole, she had a way of letting me know that I was not acting in the best interests of myself, our family or our people, that was not disparaging. It wasn't that she wasn't the kind of person to call someone out. There's a lot of people out there who didn't like her precisely because she would call them on their shit. Preferrably in public. No for me, she knew that I would just get defensive and shut down. She was a fierce black nationalist, and she loved African people with a love shown by few people these days. Which leads me to the next thing-service.
Aunt Mary told me once "If you are not on this earth to serve Black people and you see the state that we are in, what are you here for?! If you are not serving to uplift your people, you are weighing us all down!"
This message was communicated so clearly at her homegoing/funeral. She did so much for us, I can only hope to pick up some of her work.
Auntie was my other mother. There are a few women who I can say mothered me (my mom Brendah, my Stepmother, Hope, my best friends moms) but no one was like my Aunt Mary. She was, beside my mom, my first teacher. She had me reading and writing at age two. It is probably because of her, that I am a writer today.
**CORRECTION**
My mom, Brendah taught me to read and write, not my aunt Mary. My mom is also an excellent writer and if talent is genetic then I got whatever talent I have with words from her. My memory is really faulty and sometimes I misremember things....Sorry Mom. You're an awesome mom. You always have been.Okay that's enough of that.
My Aunt Mary.
It's been a while and so now I can write about it. My Aunt Mary passed away this summer, and I tell you she was a giant. She was one of those people who everyone knows, she was often called on to speak about Ebonics and/or literacy. Aunt Mary was a genius. You can google her and read about all that other stuff online somewhere else. I want to write about who she was to me. I read her obit at the funeral. It was really long, I like to talk and by the time I finished reading it, I was tired. She did a lot for a lot of people. Spent her whole life serving African people worldwide, but like I said, you can read all about that somewhere else. I want to tell you, who ever reads this, what she meant to me.
Aunt Mary always, always, always believed in me. She taught me to read and write at the age of two, thus kickstarting my lifelong love of learning. My cousins used to joke that my favorite word was "why?" and it was probably because "why?" leads to the best reading, the best conversations, the best of a lot of things starts with "why?" Mary taught me to always question, even if the person you were asking was an elder. It is all in the way you ask the question, not the question you ask.
She never judged me. Even when I was terrible, just screwing up and running around acting like an asshole, she had a way of letting me know that I was not acting in the best interests of myself, our family or our people, that was not disparaging. It wasn't that she wasn't the kind of person to call someone out. There's a lot of people out there who didn't like her precisely because she would call them on their shit. Preferrably in public. No for me, she knew that I would just get defensive and shut down. She was a fierce black nationalist, and she loved African people with a love shown by few people these days. Which leads me to the next thing-service.
Aunt Mary told me once "If you are not on this earth to serve Black people and you see the state that we are in, what are you here for?! If you are not serving to uplift your people, you are weighing us all down!"
This message was communicated so clearly at her homegoing/funeral. She did so much for us, I can only hope to pick up some of her work.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Got an artist...looking for a printer
Nommo. Word Sound Power. Visualization. Quantum mechanics. Prayer. All linked. I am on a magical path. I'm back in school and it's greater than I ever imagined. There are folks at the University who are really helping me and I keep running into people who push me along, give me good information, link me up with other good folks. It is all working out, somehow or another. I prayed on it, I visualized it, I claimed it. It is real and happening right now.
My book is coming along well, I'm getting some people to do the art and now I'm trying to find the best printer. The brother who is going to do the cover, Marlon, is a great artist...check him out at www.marloningram.com
I have a cousin who is an amazing painter and he is going to do some work for the book too. In the meantime, I have to keep editing and writing. I have almost all of the pieces written, but I keep finding new ones to put in or wanting to change something. As soon as I reach that magic number, 144, I'm done, it's a wrap.
WORK-or "I am all that I am, not all that I seem!"
It's hard to call it work. I love what I do for money. I teach a life skills class to kids from my community at an adult school. My students come to our program after school and stay in our classrooms until 6pm. It's great. We get the kids that are failing, are kind of wierd misfits, or just fell behind. Whatever. They are brilliant and I love working with them. All this week these two young women have been coming in and doing a class on sexual assault-getting the kids to define it, talking about the effects of sexual assault, the social aspects of it. It's great and they negotiate a very difficult topic exceedingly well. I wouldn't want to do it. Now my kids for the most part are some ghetto ass young people. I expect greatness from them, no I demand that they be great when they are around me, but hey, they're still teens and wadareyagonnadew? Teens are prone to act up if they think they can or if they feel uncomfortable. It's "Oh this is making me uncomfortable, so I am going to act up in here, normalize this situation so I do know how to handle it.." Well, this week I have seen my kids really engage in intelligent, thoughtful conversation and anaysis. I wish that their regular teachers could see the way that they attacked that really difficult topic this week. Boys and Girls, I was really impressed. It's not just that, I mean I know that a lot of them have crazy situations at home, but they persevere. We offer them a lot of support, but the light and the love that we get from them, that's priceless.
They've labeled our babies-generation X,Y, Z AKA Smiling Happy Fools, but I know that they are nothing less than Shining Diamonds and Precious Jewels.
It kills me that my kids are not getting the best education. Every day, when they come to class, as part of the check in, i get them to tell me something that they learned in school. If they have nothing to say, I tell them drop out now and go get a GED. You are wasting your time if you're just showing up and sitting in class. I try to teach them that they have to be active in their own educations. Teachers have to sometimes be reminded that we are there for our students, not ourselves. Getting them to talk about what they learned in school is also a good self reflective excercise. I can remember going home from school some days and feeling like I didn't learn anything. Not because the teachers were not attempting to teach, I was just not a cooperative learner.
Many of my kids come from immigrant families-Tongan and Mexican. It's very good for me to work with Poly and Mex people because I am learning a lot from the kids about their cultures. Everyone is not the same. Hip Hop has done a great job of uniting the youth, but it has not made everyone the same. Even if they do all call each other Nigga...
Whatever I am tired. Goodnight Moon.
For my students. I posted this poem last year, but ima post it again, because I like it so much.
My book is coming along well, I'm getting some people to do the art and now I'm trying to find the best printer. The brother who is going to do the cover, Marlon, is a great artist...check him out at www.marloningram.com
I have a cousin who is an amazing painter and he is going to do some work for the book too. In the meantime, I have to keep editing and writing. I have almost all of the pieces written, but I keep finding new ones to put in or wanting to change something. As soon as I reach that magic number, 144, I'm done, it's a wrap.
WORK-or "I am all that I am, not all that I seem!"
It's hard to call it work. I love what I do for money. I teach a life skills class to kids from my community at an adult school. My students come to our program after school and stay in our classrooms until 6pm. It's great. We get the kids that are failing, are kind of wierd misfits, or just fell behind. Whatever. They are brilliant and I love working with them. All this week these two young women have been coming in and doing a class on sexual assault-getting the kids to define it, talking about the effects of sexual assault, the social aspects of it. It's great and they negotiate a very difficult topic exceedingly well. I wouldn't want to do it. Now my kids for the most part are some ghetto ass young people. I expect greatness from them, no I demand that they be great when they are around me, but hey, they're still teens and wadareyagonnadew? Teens are prone to act up if they think they can or if they feel uncomfortable. It's "Oh this is making me uncomfortable, so I am going to act up in here, normalize this situation so I do know how to handle it.." Well, this week I have seen my kids really engage in intelligent, thoughtful conversation and anaysis. I wish that their regular teachers could see the way that they attacked that really difficult topic this week. Boys and Girls, I was really impressed. It's not just that, I mean I know that a lot of them have crazy situations at home, but they persevere. We offer them a lot of support, but the light and the love that we get from them, that's priceless.
They've labeled our babies-generation X,Y, Z AKA Smiling Happy Fools, but I know that they are nothing less than Shining Diamonds and Precious Jewels.
It kills me that my kids are not getting the best education. Every day, when they come to class, as part of the check in, i get them to tell me something that they learned in school. If they have nothing to say, I tell them drop out now and go get a GED. You are wasting your time if you're just showing up and sitting in class. I try to teach them that they have to be active in their own educations. Teachers have to sometimes be reminded that we are there for our students, not ourselves. Getting them to talk about what they learned in school is also a good self reflective excercise. I can remember going home from school some days and feeling like I didn't learn anything. Not because the teachers were not attempting to teach, I was just not a cooperative learner.
Many of my kids come from immigrant families-Tongan and Mexican. It's very good for me to work with Poly and Mex people because I am learning a lot from the kids about their cultures. Everyone is not the same. Hip Hop has done a great job of uniting the youth, but it has not made everyone the same. Even if they do all call each other Nigga...
Whatever I am tired. Goodnight Moon.
For my students. I posted this poem last year, but ima post it again, because I like it so much.
Freedom Fighter
The little brothers and sisters they call upon when they need some battles fought
When someone's got to get gassed or shot
And whether you believe it or not
They are training, mining and finding our children in these inner city schools
They’ve labeled them generation “XYZ” aka Shining Happy Fools
But I know that they are nothing less than Shining Diamonds and Precious Jewels
The masters tools?
We are going to take them and remake them.
Lawmakers creating all these new laws to control our lives
While we steady innovatin on how to break them..
And when I see my people I’m yelling “As Salaam Alaikum”
Whether you’re Muslim or not
Because for you, my brother? Peace. Love. Happiness.
Your back is all I got.
In case you forgot, you wanted to know what I thought, what I was thinking
Is that you’re beautiful. You are beautiful.
The most amazing thing I have ever seen is the smile of an African child with uninterrupted dreams.
One who can say “I am all that I am! Not all that I seem!”
And I am going to continue along these themes
They say that “Freedom is a road seldom traveled by the multitudes”
but who among the masses wants to remain a slave?
Raise your hand if you want to be listened to and raise a fist if you’re willing to be brave.
As for myself, I will only march and parade behind the flag that Freedom and Justice wave.
They want to control your soul, so they say its only Jesus, but I know its only Gods' loving Grace that saves.
But sometimes I have questions, so I bend my knees and raise my head and hands to the sky.
I get down, I beg, I plead and I ask God “Why?”
But I already know the answer, I always have.
The truth lies right before me,
And so I pledge to walk this walk
To Fight this fight
To live this life
Of a Freedom Fighter
Until the day I die.
Reading this for the umpteenth time. I should write another poem to go along with this one. okay now I really am going to sleep.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Damn! I like to write.
I just posted something on Craigslist in the Rants and Raves section. It's not the best thing I've ever written, really off the top of my head, but that's what a Rant is right? In any case, I've been reading CL for a few years and the white people who post on there, some of them are just 0ff The Hook racists. This shit is crazy! They just joke and call us all kinds of names. Well I was having a particularly hard morning, so I just got tired of no one standing up for Black folks and I fired this off....
http://www.craigslist.org/pen/rnr/101870595.html
Peace to the Peaceful
-M
http://www.craigslist.org/pen/rnr/101870595.html
Peace to the Peaceful
-M
Thursday, September 29, 2005
middle class black kid becomes platinum rapper
Kanye West is not so unusual. He is not the first middle class kid to become a famous rapper. Some of the most popular hip hop artists come from very solid middle and working class families. Think Ice Cube, whose family forced him to go to college before he could go and hang out with NWA, think Will Smith, whose father was a judge in Philly, think LL Cool J-who used to brag that he got "2 bikes" every Christmas. Nowadays in Hip Hop, everyone claims a previous life of poverty, but that ain't always the truth.
I like Kanye because he is not apologizing for who he is. In that way he is a lot like 'Pac. Pac was another man who was very honest about his struggles with what he knew what he should do, and what his desires and passions told him to do.
Kanye is so incredible because he is telling the truth of his life, what he feels. He said "George Bush doesn't care about Black people" but he isn't the only person thinking that. We have all been thinking that since the very beginning. I am not fooled by Condi or Colin or Alberto or anyone else in his cabinet. I have only heard them talk about economic justice for people of color and poor people since the Hurricane blew the covers off the bed.
But anyway back to Kanye
Kanyes' beats are so nasty. He has a great musical ear. I hear Stevie Wonder and Donnie Hathaway influences a lot in his music. He makes me go back to the old music and listen to it a lot. His beats slap and they have a groove unlike anything else being made right now. He honestly is not the best rapper, but he's okay and better than a lot of other so called MCs out there. His sincerity and honesty, plus the fact that many of us can identify with the way he feels. He talks really honestly about his feelings about women and the way the world is. What young man isn't thinking about the world and his future in it? Of course we want the Shiny Things, but at what cost? Of course we want to be faithful to our women, but damn these other women look good. Kanye is showing that it is okay to be a complex human being.
The Funny thing
is that Kanye was well on the way to taking his place among the black bourgeousie of America. He was in college, his mom is a professor, all he had to do was graduate and find a job. He could have done his music thing on the side, but he chose to leave school and become a producer/rapper. His personal aspiration was the same as the countless thousands of kids for who college is/was a far off hope. He shares a lot with the common, everyday black guy. He likes women, cars and being looked at and listened to.
Anyway, I'm listening to a Democracy Now! broadcast with Suheir Hammad. Damn. Some people are writers but they are not good performers (me), others can perform but can't seem to write for shit. Suheir is in a third category. She's not a performer, but she is an excellent reciter and poet/writer. She caresses each word, a pleasure to listen to.
done for now
Peace world.
I like Kanye because he is not apologizing for who he is. In that way he is a lot like 'Pac. Pac was another man who was very honest about his struggles with what he knew what he should do, and what his desires and passions told him to do.
Kanye is so incredible because he is telling the truth of his life, what he feels. He said "George Bush doesn't care about Black people" but he isn't the only person thinking that. We have all been thinking that since the very beginning. I am not fooled by Condi or Colin or Alberto or anyone else in his cabinet. I have only heard them talk about economic justice for people of color and poor people since the Hurricane blew the covers off the bed.
But anyway back to Kanye
Kanyes' beats are so nasty. He has a great musical ear. I hear Stevie Wonder and Donnie Hathaway influences a lot in his music. He makes me go back to the old music and listen to it a lot. His beats slap and they have a groove unlike anything else being made right now. He honestly is not the best rapper, but he's okay and better than a lot of other so called MCs out there. His sincerity and honesty, plus the fact that many of us can identify with the way he feels. He talks really honestly about his feelings about women and the way the world is. What young man isn't thinking about the world and his future in it? Of course we want the Shiny Things, but at what cost? Of course we want to be faithful to our women, but damn these other women look good. Kanye is showing that it is okay to be a complex human being.
The Funny thing
is that Kanye was well on the way to taking his place among the black bourgeousie of America. He was in college, his mom is a professor, all he had to do was graduate and find a job. He could have done his music thing on the side, but he chose to leave school and become a producer/rapper. His personal aspiration was the same as the countless thousands of kids for who college is/was a far off hope. He shares a lot with the common, everyday black guy. He likes women, cars and being looked at and listened to.
Anyway, I'm listening to a Democracy Now! broadcast with Suheir Hammad. Damn. Some people are writers but they are not good performers (me), others can perform but can't seem to write for shit. Suheir is in a third category. She's not a performer, but she is an excellent reciter and poet/writer. She caresses each word, a pleasure to listen to.
done for now
Peace world.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Fire Burn, Water Run
A retrospective on the events of the past few weeks.
Fire Burn, Fire Burn
Fire Burn
The Burning Bush
The Bush is on Fire
The whole House is on Fire
And the people in New Orleans need water
But the government let the motherfucker burn anyway
The wizards' curtain is falling down.
Finally, all the rest of the clowns are falling out of the trickmobile.
Surely, someone will talk.
Someone has to leak the story.
Someone has to leak the government. Someone leaked Enron, someone leaked Chevron, Someone leaked Vietnam (and died a lot).
The government has a way of making outspoken people gone, quiet, or at best irrelevant and compromised.
America only promises one thing-you can die here. America has a lot of shit that will kill your ass, will attempt to hijack and kidnap you.
Americas greatest crime and best talent is that if you buy the lie (American Dream)
America will separate you from yourself. You will be far from your origin-If you buy the lie. If you do not, then you will not be happy here in America.
The American Dream is just that-a fantasy held to be true because of widespread mass delusion that this is a fair and just society. So far, very few people have lived the American Dream, but I know a lot who share the American Nightmare experience.
I am poor and suffering in America. My children are ill, my elders are dying, and my people, people who look and and live just like I do, are in dying on international television. My children are killing one another in the streets. Everywhere I look, there is pain and no one cares. Are we not also Americans? Do we not deserve the love and compassion of our fellow Americans? These compassionate conservatives have talked the talk, now it is time to walk the walk. Poor people got completely washed out and no one seems to care. This shit is evil. Once again, America shows her ass to her most vulnerable and least listened to, least cared about citizens.
“Black America suffers today on NPR” we’re taking your calls.
“Katrina kicks poor niggas in the ass today on KPFA”
“Niggas die as America looks on; get it first here on CNN”
That’s the news
That’s entertainment. What we like to see, this is not reality TV, this is real life.
White America likes to see a nigga suffer. The CNN commentator says-“They did not evacuate, It is their own fault…” What?!
They are calling them "refugees"
“I didn’t know? We could not have known? Noone knew? All llies. They knew. I knew, they all knew. ABC GE NBC KBHQ ABCDEF-Stuck on F for “we fucked up, fuck you. Fuck yeah” Devil ass Devil ….
Of course the niggas is still acting up. How come you remove everything I have, everything, remove all I have because I am in the way of the wave of the destruction-I am worthless? I-we-these people are the sons and daughters of the slaves
They are my costars in this, the Amerikan nightmare. For us, this sweet life is incredibly sour.
So yes, fire burn, flood run wild
New Orleans is Flooded and Burning
Baghdad was burning and looted
LA was looted and burned
Detroit looted and burned
Watts burned and looted
New York bombed and burned some
It all fell down
London burned
Were they really so surprised? If you strip away everything, every thing is washed away, and there is no hope, what am I supposed to do? 500 cops in New Orleans left the job. 2 killed themselves. Can you see that even when the lawmakers lose hope, what is the ordinary citizen to think?
Homeland Security takes over FEMA. Wanna know why? Because in times of crisis, poor motherfuckers do not act like they are supposed to. There will be unrest from the natives. They become an internal threat.
What they need is a department of “Nigga Act Right” Chief Head Nigga in Charge of the NAR-Colin Powell.
I know looking at all this water I am not the only one thinking of Noah. I would bet that when it is all rebuilt, that New Orleans will be either a really fly, model city with super fly ass stuff or the expense required to recreate the city for these people will constantly be questioned. Cause you know what? Niggas is going back to the NO. They are going to get fat ass FEMA checks-there are going to be numerous fraud allegations, incriminations, indictments. “She bought a Fendi bag with her FEMA card….”
How can you convict a person for doing what they think they should to save their life? How can you put a dollar value on someones’ life? How much for the drowned crack baby? For the 95 year old grandmother who died on her rooftop? For the little girl in the wheelchair who was unable to fight the rising water?
Niggas in Need(NiN) + DISASTER-(the law) * (-hope)=mass motherfucking chaos (squared) /FAITH
A sister on the television called it genocide and at first I disagreed but now I change my mind. This shit is so diabolical.
Fire Burn, Fire Burn
Fire Burn
The Burning Bush
The Bush is on Fire
The whole House is on Fire
And the people in New Orleans need water
But the government let the motherfucker burn anyway
The wizards' curtain is falling down.
Finally, all the rest of the clowns are falling out of the trickmobile.
Surely, someone will talk.
Someone has to leak the story.
Someone has to leak the government. Someone leaked Enron, someone leaked Chevron, Someone leaked Vietnam (and died a lot).
The government has a way of making outspoken people gone, quiet, or at best irrelevant and compromised.
America only promises one thing-you can die here. America has a lot of shit that will kill your ass, will attempt to hijack and kidnap you.
Americas greatest crime and best talent is that if you buy the lie (American Dream)
America will separate you from yourself. You will be far from your origin-If you buy the lie. If you do not, then you will not be happy here in America.
The American Dream is just that-a fantasy held to be true because of widespread mass delusion that this is a fair and just society. So far, very few people have lived the American Dream, but I know a lot who share the American Nightmare experience.
I am poor and suffering in America. My children are ill, my elders are dying, and my people, people who look and and live just like I do, are in dying on international television. My children are killing one another in the streets. Everywhere I look, there is pain and no one cares. Are we not also Americans? Do we not deserve the love and compassion of our fellow Americans? These compassionate conservatives have talked the talk, now it is time to walk the walk. Poor people got completely washed out and no one seems to care. This shit is evil. Once again, America shows her ass to her most vulnerable and least listened to, least cared about citizens.
“Black America suffers today on NPR” we’re taking your calls.
“Katrina kicks poor niggas in the ass today on KPFA”
“Niggas die as America looks on; get it first here on CNN”
That’s the news
That’s entertainment. What we like to see, this is not reality TV, this is real life.
White America likes to see a nigga suffer. The CNN commentator says-“They did not evacuate, It is their own fault…” What?!
They are calling them "refugees"
“I didn’t know? We could not have known? Noone knew? All llies. They knew. I knew, they all knew. ABC GE NBC KBHQ ABCDEF-Stuck on F for “we fucked up, fuck you. Fuck yeah” Devil ass Devil ….
Of course the niggas is still acting up. How come you remove everything I have, everything, remove all I have because I am in the way of the wave of the destruction-I am worthless? I-we-these people are the sons and daughters of the slaves
They are my costars in this, the Amerikan nightmare. For us, this sweet life is incredibly sour.
So yes, fire burn, flood run wild
New Orleans is Flooded and Burning
Baghdad was burning and looted
LA was looted and burned
Detroit looted and burned
Watts burned and looted
New York bombed and burned some
It all fell down
London burned
Were they really so surprised? If you strip away everything, every thing is washed away, and there is no hope, what am I supposed to do? 500 cops in New Orleans left the job. 2 killed themselves. Can you see that even when the lawmakers lose hope, what is the ordinary citizen to think?
Homeland Security takes over FEMA. Wanna know why? Because in times of crisis, poor motherfuckers do not act like they are supposed to. There will be unrest from the natives. They become an internal threat.
What they need is a department of “Nigga Act Right” Chief Head Nigga in Charge of the NAR-Colin Powell.
I know looking at all this water I am not the only one thinking of Noah. I would bet that when it is all rebuilt, that New Orleans will be either a really fly, model city with super fly ass stuff or the expense required to recreate the city for these people will constantly be questioned. Cause you know what? Niggas is going back to the NO. They are going to get fat ass FEMA checks-there are going to be numerous fraud allegations, incriminations, indictments. “She bought a Fendi bag with her FEMA card….”
How can you convict a person for doing what they think they should to save their life? How can you put a dollar value on someones’ life? How much for the drowned crack baby? For the 95 year old grandmother who died on her rooftop? For the little girl in the wheelchair who was unable to fight the rising water?
Niggas in Need(NiN) + DISASTER-(the law) * (-hope)=mass motherfucking chaos (squared) /FAITH
A sister on the television called it genocide and at first I disagreed but now I change my mind. This shit is so diabolical.
Monday, September 19, 2005
Update
I haven't seen Laila for more than two weeks. I probably could have seen her on Sunday, for the day, but it just didn't work out. I have to take Laila shopping, it's getting cold out here. I gotta send Aaron some stuff too.
new poems
Faith
1.
He flung his black body
out into space
hoping that someone
who had a vested interest in his survival
would catch him
2.
She picked up the phone, crying
hoping that hope and help
would answer.
And not for the first or last time
She told them
How she was afraid
and how he had hit her
And not for the first or last time
They begged her to leave
before she got kilt.
Black Superman
S is for Superman
Black Superman like
my daddy who say
"the Poor cannot afford to be sick"
and
"Boy if you had a brain you'd be dangerous"
But I am already dangerous
I am a Black Superman too.
Sing
Sing your soul angel songs
to the midnite Lords of sky and earth
Sea and Space
Their battle dance
sends shivers down my spine
here
I see only the costs of bloodshed and war
Where before I saw peace and prosperity
there have been many battles here
new poems
Faith
1.
He flung his black body
out into space
hoping that someone
who had a vested interest in his survival
would catch him
2.
She picked up the phone, crying
hoping that hope and help
would answer.
And not for the first or last time
She told them
How she was afraid
and how he had hit her
And not for the first or last time
They begged her to leave
before she got kilt.
Black Superman
S is for Superman
Black Superman like
my daddy who say
"the Poor cannot afford to be sick"
and
"Boy if you had a brain you'd be dangerous"
But I am already dangerous
I am a Black Superman too.
Sing
Sing your soul angel songs
to the midnite Lords of sky and earth
Sea and Space
Their battle dance
sends shivers down my spine
here
I see only the costs of bloodshed and war
Where before I saw peace and prosperity
there have been many battles here
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Writing my first book
I don't know if I wrote about it here before, but I am writing my first book. It's called 144. Short for 144 Poems and Essays for God, Love, Peace, Justice and Hip Hop. It's not even fair to say that I am writing a new book, I am really just editing it, pulling together stuff that I have written over the last 20 plus years.
My concept is to put together 144 of my favorite pieces with artwork from artists and photographers. I have some work from Tempt, Twist and some other local heroes. I have some photos that I've taken, alot of cool stuff to put in the book. I think it will be successful.
Some of the poems that are on this blog will be in the book: My enemy, She thug, I do not Love America. All of those will be included.
Peace to the Peaceful
-M
My concept is to put together 144 of my favorite pieces with artwork from artists and photographers. I have some work from Tempt, Twist and some other local heroes. I have some photos that I've taken, alot of cool stuff to put in the book. I think it will be successful.
Some of the poems that are on this blog will be in the book: My enemy, She thug, I do not Love America. All of those will be included.
Peace to the Peaceful
-M
Monday, September 12, 2005
my daughter one year
Today is my daughter Lailas' one year birthday. This is the time when I reflect on how much life has changed for me in the past year. Laila, like Katrina pulled the covers off of a lot of stuff. She has made me look at my self as a man. I am a much better person than I ever have been. I have more energy, I am more focused and more honest. Her presence has made me really want to be a better person. It is taking a lot of effort, because I have been such an irresponsible asshole for so long, I have all these bad habits to break, but honestly I feel much better about who I am.
Anyway, Laila is a beautiful child. She recently began walking and she says a few words "Baba", "Dada", "Laila" and of course she has her own baby language. She talks to me a lot, she lets me know whenever she needs something. She has a great face, her expressions are not like anyone elses. I am really excited to hear her start talking using actual language that I can understand. Half of her family speaks Spanish, so I hope that she will retain Spanish a she gets older.
I want her to be a really strong, independent and cultured child. She is already really independent. She will climb around and really work to get what she wants. If she wants to get down from her bed, she will crawl over and hang down until she drops and then go do whatever it is that she feels like she needs to do. It's a great thing to watch this child develop. The hardest thing is not being in the same household with my children.
I know in this modern day, single parenthood is normal. We split custody, pay child support and generally move through life as part time parents. But we pt parents are missing out on a lot. We miss out on learning from our coparents. We miss out on the side that our child shows around the other parent. We miss out on countless small moments of learning and development with our children. I hate that-missing those small moments.
The best I can do is to keep moving forward, trying to be a good guy and maintaining consistent contact with my daughter and her mom.
I have both of my kids part time and it is not a situation that I advise. We are not supposed to visit our children until they leave our homes. We are supposed to go to sleep and wake up to our kids every day.
Next weekend, we are going to do some really fun stuff. I am totally in love with my baby girl.
Anyway, Laila is a beautiful child. She recently began walking and she says a few words "Baba", "Dada", "Laila" and of course she has her own baby language. She talks to me a lot, she lets me know whenever she needs something. She has a great face, her expressions are not like anyone elses. I am really excited to hear her start talking using actual language that I can understand. Half of her family speaks Spanish, so I hope that she will retain Spanish a she gets older.
I want her to be a really strong, independent and cultured child. She is already really independent. She will climb around and really work to get what she wants. If she wants to get down from her bed, she will crawl over and hang down until she drops and then go do whatever it is that she feels like she needs to do. It's a great thing to watch this child develop. The hardest thing is not being in the same household with my children.
I know in this modern day, single parenthood is normal. We split custody, pay child support and generally move through life as part time parents. But we pt parents are missing out on a lot. We miss out on learning from our coparents. We miss out on the side that our child shows around the other parent. We miss out on countless small moments of learning and development with our children. I hate that-missing those small moments.
The best I can do is to keep moving forward, trying to be a good guy and maintaining consistent contact with my daughter and her mom.
I have both of my kids part time and it is not a situation that I advise. We are not supposed to visit our children until they leave our homes. We are supposed to go to sleep and wake up to our kids every day.
Next weekend, we are going to do some really fun stuff. I am totally in love with my baby girl.
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Saul Williams
Yesterday, I went to the Power to the Peaceful festival in San Francisco. I hadn't been in SF for over a month and then to go when there were all those people around me high and drinking and stinking like BO and patchouli oil.....well it wasn't the ideal experience. But whatever I was walking around people watching most of the time anyway.
My buddy had backstage passes so that's where I was when I met Saul.
What a great experience. I shared some work with him and the other brothers that were there and it was only after Saul and this brother Selassie went, that I realized how monotonal and unexciting I sound. I need to find someone to help me step it up. If I want to move to the next level as a performer.
As a writer, he really is one of my models right now. In any case, Ima send him some writing and hope that he sends me some input back.
I am really encouraged about my writing, I am finding a lot of good material to edit and Im writing some new stuff too.
Is anyone reading this? Let me know.
Peace to the Peaceful
My buddy had backstage passes so that's where I was when I met Saul.
What a great experience. I shared some work with him and the other brothers that were there and it was only after Saul and this brother Selassie went, that I realized how monotonal and unexciting I sound. I need to find someone to help me step it up. If I want to move to the next level as a performer.
As a writer, he really is one of my models right now. In any case, Ima send him some writing and hope that he sends me some input back.
I am really encouraged about my writing, I am finding a lot of good material to edit and Im writing some new stuff too.
Is anyone reading this? Let me know.
Peace to the Peaceful
Thursday, September 08, 2005
damn
I'm tired. I have come to the recent conclusion is that the best thing to do is to always walk in my own truth. I don't need to be anyone elses' Malcolm. I only need to be my own man, and it does not matter if anyone else likes me, agrees with me or thinks that I am okay. I am doing what I need to do and that's all I need to do.
Peace to the Hurricane victims.
-M
Peace to the Hurricane victims.
-M
Friday, September 02, 2005
The Worst thing to be in America is poor
Ultimately it's about money here in the United States. It's not about where you live or who you vote for, it's just about how much money you have. The wealthy people do not suffer in the ways that those of us who don't have money do. Look at New Orleans, the face of Hurricane Katrina is that of a young black woman suffering with her family. The wealthy citizens of New Orleans (no matter the race) got the hell out. God Bless them. But who was thinking about all of those people who could not afford to leave, who had no cars, who had no relatives to go and stay with? Who thought about them? No one did.
Maybe the Mayor, maybe the Governor, the Congresspeople, local officials. Maybe they actually didn't know it was going to be this bad. But no matter, it is really bad and our response as a naton has been extremely slow. The level of compassion is so low, I can't even say I am ashamed or dissapointed, but I hate to show the rest of the world that this is how pathetic America really is.
We can rush to bomb some people. We can hurry up to destroy, but when it comes to saving the lives of Americas' most needy, we are slow to react. Quick to destroy, slow to build.
It is also absolutely a matter of race. White America has been feeling like it is carrying the burden of Black Americans for the past 20-25 years. The problems of Black Americas poverty are trotted out on a daily basis for all of the world to see. Welfare, Joblessness, crime, broken families, poor social skills, delinquent youth, etc. All of the world thinks that these are only black peoples' problems here in the US, but these are the problems of any people that have been systematically denied advancement. Look at any people anywhere who are subject to poverty and you will see similar symptoms. Black folks are not the only ones who live low, look at the poor white people on daytime television. They didn't learn how to act stupid from black folks, that's just how they know how to be.
I am listening to the radio and most of the people that they have on speak with that thick, southern accent, their dialect is real deep south. They are not your typical NPR guests. I know much of America is cringing at hearing their "yaknowahimeans" and "yalls" on tv and radio. I know that they don't even want to know that people still talk like that. I know that they're thinking couldn' t they have found someone better? But you know what? The truth is painful. These are the people who couldn't get out. The ignored folks who live in the bottoms. It is these people who need the help most. Not just now in the times of Hurricane relief, but for the next few generations. These are the people who need support to get good educations, to make healthy life choices, to lead peaceful productive lives. These people are the direct descendants of the enslaved Africans, the ones who never had education, who didn't leave the South during the Great Migration in the forties. They are Americas dirty secret and all the Hurricane did is wash away the covering so that the world could see them.
Maybe the Mayor, maybe the Governor, the Congresspeople, local officials. Maybe they actually didn't know it was going to be this bad. But no matter, it is really bad and our response as a naton has been extremely slow. The level of compassion is so low, I can't even say I am ashamed or dissapointed, but I hate to show the rest of the world that this is how pathetic America really is.
We can rush to bomb some people. We can hurry up to destroy, but when it comes to saving the lives of Americas' most needy, we are slow to react. Quick to destroy, slow to build.
It is also absolutely a matter of race. White America has been feeling like it is carrying the burden of Black Americans for the past 20-25 years. The problems of Black Americas poverty are trotted out on a daily basis for all of the world to see. Welfare, Joblessness, crime, broken families, poor social skills, delinquent youth, etc. All of the world thinks that these are only black peoples' problems here in the US, but these are the problems of any people that have been systematically denied advancement. Look at any people anywhere who are subject to poverty and you will see similar symptoms. Black folks are not the only ones who live low, look at the poor white people on daytime television. They didn't learn how to act stupid from black folks, that's just how they know how to be.
I am listening to the radio and most of the people that they have on speak with that thick, southern accent, their dialect is real deep south. They are not your typical NPR guests. I know much of America is cringing at hearing their "yaknowahimeans" and "yalls" on tv and radio. I know that they don't even want to know that people still talk like that. I know that they're thinking couldn' t they have found someone better? But you know what? The truth is painful. These are the people who couldn't get out. The ignored folks who live in the bottoms. It is these people who need the help most. Not just now in the times of Hurricane relief, but for the next few generations. These are the people who need support to get good educations, to make healthy life choices, to lead peaceful productive lives. These people are the direct descendants of the enslaved Africans, the ones who never had education, who didn't leave the South during the Great Migration in the forties. They are Americas dirty secret and all the Hurricane did is wash away the covering so that the world could see them.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Life is hard sometimes
It just is, and that's a hard thing to accept. I have some issues, I know I do. I got all kinds of things to work out, but I am doing it. I've made a lot of progress love, but like I said, life is hard. I look around, I am working, I am writing, I am pushing myself to work even when I least feel like it, and I am not taking the crap that I used to take.
I am also being honest. I am not the man that I used to pretend to be. I need to take my ass to church.
I sent my son home today and I see so much of myself in him. It's true that we pass on to our kids what we don't work through. I see him struggling with things that I still struggle with in my adulthood. We are both absent minded, sensitive people. I see that he also has some esteem issues and that's something that I struggled with.
I don't know what the point of this post is, but I am just trying to get the stuff out of my head so I can process it.
He's a great kid though and I want the best for him. I am determined to do the best I can for him, which means pushing harder than I've pushed to this point. People want to say that it's not the money you give, but having money and not having to worry about things like healthcare or healthy food, or having enough space, all those things lend themselves to a high quality of life.
I want to give my kids the life they deserve, and I get really frustrated with myself because money is so short. I am accustomed to struggling, but this struggle is one that I am really tired of.
My faith is my strength. I will abide in that.
Peace
I am also being honest. I am not the man that I used to pretend to be. I need to take my ass to church.
I sent my son home today and I see so much of myself in him. It's true that we pass on to our kids what we don't work through. I see him struggling with things that I still struggle with in my adulthood. We are both absent minded, sensitive people. I see that he also has some esteem issues and that's something that I struggled with.
I don't know what the point of this post is, but I am just trying to get the stuff out of my head so I can process it.
He's a great kid though and I want the best for him. I am determined to do the best I can for him, which means pushing harder than I've pushed to this point. People want to say that it's not the money you give, but having money and not having to worry about things like healthcare or healthy food, or having enough space, all those things lend themselves to a high quality of life.
I want to give my kids the life they deserve, and I get really frustrated with myself because money is so short. I am accustomed to struggling, but this struggle is one that I am really tired of.
My faith is my strength. I will abide in that.
Peace
Friday, August 05, 2005
some new poems
Untitled 1
Hot bullets + your young lungs=the end of breathing
Too many young black men
Line up to hold and carry
Black burners
That hold hot bullets
Specially designed to pierce your young flesh
Non discrimination when and where they choose to enter, to meet your vital organs
They rush to remove the air from your lungs and replace it with blood
They want to push you closer to the ground
So now it’s you or the 15 year old with the hand grenade, who knows that he is going to die and is intent on taking you with him. He has concentrated his whole lifes meaning into an explosive power held in his right hand and he is intent on taking you with him.
It is not my fault!” You scream as he runs towards you, because you signed up to be here, “To be all that you could be” in this place 17thousand miles away from your front step and the car you bought with your “signing bonus” you don’t even get cheap gas, you won’t ever drive it again and if you die, who will pay it off? But it is your fault because you signed up for bullet proof vests, concrete bunkers, internet phone calls home and halfway armored wannabe HUMVEES.
And now, looking at this boy who has your death in his eyes, who has his death day written on his heart, and all you want to do is go home, fuck the mission, you want to live. You want to go to home, which is the very place that you signed up to escape from.
But niggas is dying all over the world and now it’s contest about where, how and who gets to kill you-the block or the battlefield. For most of us the block is the battlefield, so you choose your battles and die well.
-M 8/05
The color of power
What’s the color of power? Coz whiteboys walking around in my neighborhood don’t look too scary. Don’t look too dangerous, don’t look too tuff. And niggas in boardrooms often look constipated and emasculated-but I seem to remember that Frederick Douglass was a rider. I seem to recall that Nat Turner, Toussaint, Fanny Lou Hamer and Sojourner They was some real troopers, no they were commanders, they had real power.
They did not wait, for their freedom, for other people to tell them they were free. They stepped up to the plate and demanded theirs.
Untitled 2
We b cookie cutouts
Bboy
Black revolutionary
Tupac ologists
Ride for ours
Day and night
Night and Day
We West Coast East Coast Midwest Downsouth to overseas
Us be them that light the world on fire
We roll it up
Smoke it
Leave a trail behind us
Blaze one for all to follow
Believe that
Because we be that
Cookie cutter
Black revolutionaries
Give high fives to
Set fire to minds
And flesh if necessary
Remix-wait for the
Remix they brewin now in K to Eights
Worldwide
It’s going to be so fucking cold….
We be cookie cutter
Bboy revolutionaries
Dance furiously
Tear the roof off the motherfucker
Us light up the night with our bodies and voices
Dance so hard our sweat glisten and glow
We shinin-no diamonds needed
We bold, we strong, we cold
We leave our names on walls
Our stories fly through the air And our love is eternal.
-M
untitled 3
You have been black for 5110 days
I have been the same for 12 410 days
And together we have less 20, 000 of not being Negroes
Of not being deemed human here in our place of residence
Where we are supposed to believe in, sign up for “Homeland Security”
The Patriot Act does seem to be
Designed for others
And I worry about that.
But America the Beautiful
She better not move too fast
Because it’s a lot of us
Citizens/resident aliens
That still got internment camp dreams
And real strange forearm tattoos
America been busy bracing herself
For the invasion that already happened
But US got a hard on for fat culos
And brown nipples
Nappy hair and brown skin
Stay hot
-M
Untitled 4
Today Reagan died
And I am really waiting on them to
Half mast the President
Whole bunch of residents
Highly disaffected
Feel betrayed and rejected
Really disrespected
But Dubya
Couldn’t care less
Carefree nights and
Days
A real Texas Killing machine
“I remember” says the Alamo
to the young Mexican rifleman
You will bear arms once again
Mijo-fear not.
You will fight again.
Hot bullets + your young lungs=the end of breathing
Too many young black men
Line up to hold and carry
Black burners
That hold hot bullets
Specially designed to pierce your young flesh
Non discrimination when and where they choose to enter, to meet your vital organs
They rush to remove the air from your lungs and replace it with blood
They want to push you closer to the ground
So now it’s you or the 15 year old with the hand grenade, who knows that he is going to die and is intent on taking you with him. He has concentrated his whole lifes meaning into an explosive power held in his right hand and he is intent on taking you with him.
It is not my fault!” You scream as he runs towards you, because you signed up to be here, “To be all that you could be” in this place 17thousand miles away from your front step and the car you bought with your “signing bonus” you don’t even get cheap gas, you won’t ever drive it again and if you die, who will pay it off? But it is your fault because you signed up for bullet proof vests, concrete bunkers, internet phone calls home and halfway armored wannabe HUMVEES.
And now, looking at this boy who has your death in his eyes, who has his death day written on his heart, and all you want to do is go home, fuck the mission, you want to live. You want to go to home, which is the very place that you signed up to escape from.
But niggas is dying all over the world and now it’s contest about where, how and who gets to kill you-the block or the battlefield. For most of us the block is the battlefield, so you choose your battles and die well.
-M 8/05
The color of power
What’s the color of power? Coz whiteboys walking around in my neighborhood don’t look too scary. Don’t look too dangerous, don’t look too tuff. And niggas in boardrooms often look constipated and emasculated-but I seem to remember that Frederick Douglass was a rider. I seem to recall that Nat Turner, Toussaint, Fanny Lou Hamer and Sojourner They was some real troopers, no they were commanders, they had real power.
They did not wait, for their freedom, for other people to tell them they were free. They stepped up to the plate and demanded theirs.
Untitled 2
We b cookie cutouts
Bboy
Black revolutionary
Tupac ologists
Ride for ours
Day and night
Night and Day
We West Coast East Coast Midwest Downsouth to overseas
Us be them that light the world on fire
We roll it up
Smoke it
Leave a trail behind us
Blaze one for all to follow
Believe that
Because we be that
Cookie cutter
Black revolutionaries
Give high fives to
Set fire to minds
And flesh if necessary
Remix-wait for the
Remix they brewin now in K to Eights
Worldwide
It’s going to be so fucking cold….
We be cookie cutter
Bboy revolutionaries
Dance furiously
Tear the roof off the motherfucker
Us light up the night with our bodies and voices
Dance so hard our sweat glisten and glow
We shinin-no diamonds needed
We bold, we strong, we cold
We leave our names on walls
Our stories fly through the air And our love is eternal.
-M
untitled 3
You have been black for 5110 days
I have been the same for 12 410 days
And together we have less 20, 000 of not being Negroes
Of not being deemed human here in our place of residence
Where we are supposed to believe in, sign up for “Homeland Security”
The Patriot Act does seem to be
Designed for others
And I worry about that.
But America the Beautiful
She better not move too fast
Because it’s a lot of us
Citizens/resident aliens
That still got internment camp dreams
And real strange forearm tattoos
America been busy bracing herself
For the invasion that already happened
But US got a hard on for fat culos
And brown nipples
Nappy hair and brown skin
Stay hot
-M
Untitled 4
Today Reagan died
And I am really waiting on them to
Half mast the President
Whole bunch of residents
Highly disaffected
Feel betrayed and rejected
Really disrespected
But Dubya
Couldn’t care less
Carefree nights and
Days
A real Texas Killing machine
“I remember” says the Alamo
to the young Mexican rifleman
You will bear arms once again
Mijo-fear not.
You will fight again.
Monday, May 09, 2005
What makes a man?
It is not age. There are a lot of old boys running around. On TV, we see these guys who got rich riding skateboards and playing video games. The lines between men and boys are increasingly becoming blurry. It is not money. There are plenty of poor people who are amazing men, who take care of their responsibilities and do what needs to be done. I think it has a lot to do with responsibility. Learning to be responsible, thoughtful about circumstances and to have initiative, these are some of the makings of a man, an adult.
I feel like I am WAY behind the curve. I need to cultivate better self discipline, and a better work ethic. I can't beat up on myself too much, but I know that I can be doing a lot more than I am doing now.
In any case, that's todays submission.
I feel like I am WAY behind the curve. I need to cultivate better self discipline, and a better work ethic. I can't beat up on myself too much, but I know that I can be doing a lot more than I am doing now.
In any case, that's todays submission.
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
A change in perspective
is sometimes all you need to change your life. A wake up call to the rest of your life. Me, I've had to lose everything several times to know what is most important in life. What is most important to me is my relationship with God, my role in my family and my role in the community. Everything else outside of those areas is secondary, tertiary-don't mean much.
I am still changing, growing and becoming the man that I ultimately want to be. It's not easy, but the harder I am learning to work, the better I am becoming.
Lately, I have been increasing my technical abilities, upgrading my skills. I've been building my website, learning to edit video, and do stuff in Photoshop.
I'm lazy though, and the hard thing for me is to sustain my energy around work. I could blame it on my ADHD, but that sounds too much like scapegoating and excuse making.
On and on, I am just making my way in the world, and I hope to leave it better than it was when I got here.
I am still changing, growing and becoming the man that I ultimately want to be. It's not easy, but the harder I am learning to work, the better I am becoming.
Lately, I have been increasing my technical abilities, upgrading my skills. I've been building my website, learning to edit video, and do stuff in Photoshop.
I'm lazy though, and the hard thing for me is to sustain my energy around work. I could blame it on my ADHD, but that sounds too much like scapegoating and excuse making.
On and on, I am just making my way in the world, and I hope to leave it better than it was when I got here.
Friday, April 01, 2005
Laila Nichole
I love my daughter. She is the most wonderful little girl I have ever seen. She is gorgeous. So much has happened around the birth of my daughter, but I know that whatever sacrifices I have to make, it will be worth it. She's amazing. She has a great 3 tooth smile, beautiful bright shining eyes and a super strong voice. She is kind of crawling, but I can barely put her down when she's anywhere near me.
Thank you God for Laila.
Thank you God for Laila.
Sunday, March 27, 2005
Philly
Goals
Im here, in my other hometown Philadelphia. It is my sons Bday/Easter/Parents Anniversary. My son is 11 today, its Easter Sunday and my dad and stepmom celebrate 27 years of marriage today. Hurray. There are several reasons for me to rejoice but I am fighting feeling like shit. I am not in the place where I want to be and I keep stumbling. I have to find a way to make the things I want happen. I have to get into graduate school and simultaneously increase my income this year by at least $15,000. I have to get another car, I have to find an apartment and I have to at least start to get out of debt.
That's the personal stuff.
My son is a good kid. I brought his buddy Marcelo, out here with me and they are having a really good time. I can tell that my son has been getting really spoiled by his mom because he acts really differently around me-she babies him. He acts like a baby around her, but I guess that's what moms do. I wouldn't know. My parenting situation has been less than ideal, both as a child and as a parent, but I do know what I have to do to continue to improve.I will not dwell on the negative. I recognize that I have some very significant challenges but that is all they are is challenges. Nothing can defer me from my purpose. Nothing.
Philly is a good place to be when you need a reality check. The environment here does not allow people to bullshit or be caught up in fantasy. This city is all about keeping it real. My family has been talking to me about some very real stuff, encouraging me, but also letting me know what is real and what is fantasy. I have always been an impressionable person and the things that I hear from people I really internalize. That is one the reasons my teachers would say "He doesn't listen". I may have not been able to articulate that about myself, but when you are unsure as to who has what intentions about you, it is best to listen to your own inner guidance rather than be influenced in the wrong direction. Positive reinforcement is something that I thrive from. It doesn't have to be praise, but just an acknowledgement of my direction is enough. I was really touched, a few weeks ago when one of the elders in my community, Baba Omowalle Satterwhite told me that I was doing a good job with my work in the community.
At the same time, I am self directed. As much as I listen to the opinions of others, I do not let others make decisions for me. I have always marched to tbe beat of my own oddly tuned drum. I am not a good follower, because I tend to see things differently than most people and my vision of the way things should be tends to be idealistic and non conformist. I make people uncomfortable because I will call things out and say what is on folks hearts, but they don't have the words to say. These, I know are positive traits that I am using to push myself forward. I don't worry as much about accolades, its a great affirmation that I am doing what I should, but when it gets hard and there is no one there to push me forward, it is my faith in God and the purpose which I was put here for that moves me forward.
Im here, in my other hometown Philadelphia. It is my sons Bday/Easter/Parents Anniversary. My son is 11 today, its Easter Sunday and my dad and stepmom celebrate 27 years of marriage today. Hurray. There are several reasons for me to rejoice but I am fighting feeling like shit. I am not in the place where I want to be and I keep stumbling. I have to find a way to make the things I want happen. I have to get into graduate school and simultaneously increase my income this year by at least $15,000. I have to get another car, I have to find an apartment and I have to at least start to get out of debt.
That's the personal stuff.
My son is a good kid. I brought his buddy Marcelo, out here with me and they are having a really good time. I can tell that my son has been getting really spoiled by his mom because he acts really differently around me-she babies him. He acts like a baby around her, but I guess that's what moms do. I wouldn't know. My parenting situation has been less than ideal, both as a child and as a parent, but I do know what I have to do to continue to improve.I will not dwell on the negative. I recognize that I have some very significant challenges but that is all they are is challenges. Nothing can defer me from my purpose. Nothing.
Philly is a good place to be when you need a reality check. The environment here does not allow people to bullshit or be caught up in fantasy. This city is all about keeping it real. My family has been talking to me about some very real stuff, encouraging me, but also letting me know what is real and what is fantasy. I have always been an impressionable person and the things that I hear from people I really internalize. That is one the reasons my teachers would say "He doesn't listen". I may have not been able to articulate that about myself, but when you are unsure as to who has what intentions about you, it is best to listen to your own inner guidance rather than be influenced in the wrong direction. Positive reinforcement is something that I thrive from. It doesn't have to be praise, but just an acknowledgement of my direction is enough. I was really touched, a few weeks ago when one of the elders in my community, Baba Omowalle Satterwhite told me that I was doing a good job with my work in the community.
At the same time, I am self directed. As much as I listen to the opinions of others, I do not let others make decisions for me. I have always marched to tbe beat of my own oddly tuned drum. I am not a good follower, because I tend to see things differently than most people and my vision of the way things should be tends to be idealistic and non conformist. I make people uncomfortable because I will call things out and say what is on folks hearts, but they don't have the words to say. These, I know are positive traits that I am using to push myself forward. I don't worry as much about accolades, its a great affirmation that I am doing what I should, but when it gets hard and there is no one there to push me forward, it is my faith in God and the purpose which I was put here for that moves me forward.
Sunday, March 20, 2005
I met Steve Jobs!
I met Steve Jobs yesterday, and I was a little dissapointed. I am absolutely sure that he has people coming up to him all the time totally gushing about how thankful they are for his contributions, but I have to tell you-It's rare for me. I gave him the kind of adulation I reserve for people like Grandmaster Flash. Okay when I met GMF, I was a little bit high and I actually cried-but he still didn't look at me crazy. Steve Jobs has changed the world. He wrote one of the 1st video games-Pong. He is responsible along with Wozniak for making computing more accessible. They actually wanted normal people to be able to use technology to better their lives, not just the geeks.
Steve Jobs, along with his crew at Pixar, revolutionized the way that we look at film and animation. He was the guy behind the Mac and that was another quantum leap for computing. He brought Apple back from the brink of obscurity and made it strong again. The guy has done a bunch of stuff that has directly impacted me as an individual, creatively and professionally and I really am grateful to him for purusing his vision in the world because it has made my life better. I wanted to tell him that, but I think I came off a little too strong and Stan like. It also doesn't help matters that I work for a competing company, but hey what can I say? If Apple was setting up learning labs for low income kids, I'd be the first person to sign up. But they haven't (yet) so I get in where I fit in and work with PCs. But in my heart, I will always be a Mac dude.
In any case, he was not in any hurry to get to know me any better.
No Worries, it's not that often you get to meet Living Legends.
Steve Jobs, along with his crew at Pixar, revolutionized the way that we look at film and animation. He was the guy behind the Mac and that was another quantum leap for computing. He brought Apple back from the brink of obscurity and made it strong again. The guy has done a bunch of stuff that has directly impacted me as an individual, creatively and professionally and I really am grateful to him for purusing his vision in the world because it has made my life better. I wanted to tell him that, but I think I came off a little too strong and Stan like. It also doesn't help matters that I work for a competing company, but hey what can I say? If Apple was setting up learning labs for low income kids, I'd be the first person to sign up. But they haven't (yet) so I get in where I fit in and work with PCs. But in my heart, I will always be a Mac dude.
In any case, he was not in any hurry to get to know me any better.
No Worries, it's not that often you get to meet Living Legends.
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
Support Young Black Authors
A longtime associate of mine, Adisa Banjoko "The Bishop of Hip Hop" wrote a book "Lyrical Swords". I just ordered it and I expect it to be an excellent read. Adisa is one of the best young writers in any genre and unlike too many so called hip hop writers today, he is a lifelong bboy, someone who can say that they have actually taken part in and added to hip hop. Too many hip hop journalists today are just hacks. They suck. Here is the link to Adisas' blog.
http://www.lyricalswords.blogspot.com/
http://www.lyricalswords.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
This is personal/Why?
I just re read some of my Blog posts and realized how personal some of this information is. Well what can I say? I have my struggles just like anyone else and I don't know what good it is to hide them. I am a human being, I've made mistakes, but I won't repeat them. I hope that people don't read this and think that I am trying to sound like someone that I am not. I am in a kind of recovery, in that I am rediscovering myself and spending time on intentional self development.
In a lot of ways I have been a bastard, and that is not the person that I want to be remembered for. I honestly don't think that I have done my lifes work yet. I have definitely begun it, I am on task now, but if I die today, my work will not be done.
Why?
A lot of times I look at the kids around me and I get angry because I don't understand what the hell happened. I do understand that the present condition of the black community is the result of generations of deterioration. I understand that drug addiction, economic sabotage, Jim Crow, slavery, etc. All these are reasons why our children are walking around celebrating their/our destruction. I know. But it hurts so bad. I don't understand why more people don't feel the way I do.
I am not mad at 50 Cent, Jadakiss, whatever gangster rapper people are listening to. I am not mad, I like to release just as much as anyone else. I like Jadakiss-a lot. What I don't like is that there is no balance, there are not enough people talking about other things to offer variety in the music and the culture. Too much of anything is a bad thing. One of the reasons that "conscious rap" became such a cliche is that everyone was doing it and many of the peopple rapping didn't even believe what they were saying, they were just doing it because that's what was hot. Gangster rap is the same way today.
All these brothers talking about this stuff, you know most of them are lying. You have to be a really cold, soulless human being to do half of the stuff they talk about, but it's cool these days. It has become cool to dance, make songs and films, create art that not only chronicles but celebrates our own destruction as a people.
What is going on people? Please lets wake up and stop this.
Peace
Malcolm "First Citizen of Nairobi, California" Hoover
In a lot of ways I have been a bastard, and that is not the person that I want to be remembered for. I honestly don't think that I have done my lifes work yet. I have definitely begun it, I am on task now, but if I die today, my work will not be done.
Why?
A lot of times I look at the kids around me and I get angry because I don't understand what the hell happened. I do understand that the present condition of the black community is the result of generations of deterioration. I understand that drug addiction, economic sabotage, Jim Crow, slavery, etc. All these are reasons why our children are walking around celebrating their/our destruction. I know. But it hurts so bad. I don't understand why more people don't feel the way I do.
I am not mad at 50 Cent, Jadakiss, whatever gangster rapper people are listening to. I am not mad, I like to release just as much as anyone else. I like Jadakiss-a lot. What I don't like is that there is no balance, there are not enough people talking about other things to offer variety in the music and the culture. Too much of anything is a bad thing. One of the reasons that "conscious rap" became such a cliche is that everyone was doing it and many of the peopple rapping didn't even believe what they were saying, they were just doing it because that's what was hot. Gangster rap is the same way today.
All these brothers talking about this stuff, you know most of them are lying. You have to be a really cold, soulless human being to do half of the stuff they talk about, but it's cool these days. It has become cool to dance, make songs and films, create art that not only chronicles but celebrates our own destruction as a people.
What is going on people? Please lets wake up and stop this.
Peace
Malcolm "First Citizen of Nairobi, California" Hoover
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)