I'm out

okay I moved my blog to a new address/new name/new focus.
It's www.deepculture.blogspot.com
see you there

truth in advertising

.When people ask me how I am I really have to say that "I'm fine" because things are good. We are working on our house, slowly, slowly its coming along. I have a very supportive group of family and friends. I am looking for a new place to work, but I think the right thing is going to come jsut at the right time. I should say do "my" work, because I do the same thing everywhere-work with the kids. It's my own form of ministry, its my calling. I've been working with kids for almost 18 years...wow. It's time for me to up the game a little, this is the time for me to start my graduate degree, so no matter what, in 2007 i'm going back to school.
I've been spending every day with my daughter and that is a great blessing. She is a beautiful, beautiful, amazing and glorious human being. I love my daughter with all my heart.

One of the great lessons I have learned in life is that everyone struggles. It is a part of our humanity. Our greatest stories are about our struggles, and our triumphs. So, the issue cannot be that we struggle, but how we handle our struggle. This is what defines us, our responses and strategies in dealing with our struggles.

I've been doing some serious personal exploration and purging this year. I feel good about the coming year.

Uplift the youth.

now...you know that's cold

I got laid off on Monday. dammit. I guess I should be, I could be like......"FUCK!!!!". but you know what? I'm not. I'll be fine for money. i am fine. it's cool. it was a "clarification of the relationship" the organization had a grant, it wasn't renewed, that grant funded my position, no grant, no Malcolm. I can't even take that personally.
anyway. I gotta go run and get my baby! That's the best thing...spending time.

power to the peaceful

WTF? Meditations on 30+

I'm gaining weight. From the age of 17 to just recently, my weight went from a low of 135 to an all time high of 192. And that was just once, on a scale that was not mine. This morning, as I was getting dressed, I went through three pairs of pants before I found a comfortable pair. wtf is that? I know exactly what it is. That 30 plus. I don't look any different really, but I weigh 210. I weigh 210 at 6 foot even. And I have a bunch of grey hair. wow.
I guess I could be freaking out, but what makes me anxious (and not really) is that I have to get some new jeans. My shirts are getting a little tight too.
I am going to have to get back on my morning excercise regimen, because I have lost the definition I had. blah, blah, blah.
It's all part of growing older. I like the way I look, I don't feel heavy at all and so I am happy.

better

I just heard, via email that a friend of mine lost his older brother. damn. I'm an older brother and I don't like to think about what that would be like, to lose one of my siblings. I was thinking too, about how important relationships are. My friend that lost his brother, we've had some troubled waters, and the love is deep, but we really haven't spent any quality time in years. It's mostly my fault, a result of my refusal to be responsible. I think that he's forgiven me, but it's never been the same. I miss you Stefan. See you soon.

The general state of my life these days has made me less care free, more serious about the important things in my life, like my primary relationships (family and friends), finances, and my career. I don't know what God has planned for me, but all of a sudden I am looking at life very differently. I may not have all the time I thought I had to get this thing done.

I haven't been the best son, brother or friend that I could be. I have done some people really wrong in my life, but I am in no way an evil person. I want to do right, but I've made some bad decisions. I am not going to make any big pronouncements about huge life changes, because I've already made some important changes in the ways I live my life.

I pray for the time, resources and opportunities to make right what I have made wrong in the past.

I'm not a complete trainwreck, I don't hate myself, I'm not depressed or think that I am a bad person. I am a good person who made some very bad decisions. I have to live with the consequences of those decisions, the best way I can. I continue to be a frontline soldier for the health and success of our young people. I believe in them because people believed in my crazy little ass. I know that they are all we have and it is worth far more than we invest to make sure that they have what they need to succeed.

To the many people that have been hurt by my actions, irresponsibility, deceit, dishonesty, inaction, or just in general crazy ass behavior, I am truly sorry. I've driven a lot of people away by the way I've acted. I understand.

Peace to the Peaceful,
keep me in your prayers.

Dinner

Last night, I went to a fellowship Dinner with some local youth activists. It was a great meal and a great night. The folks are part of the younglife family.
I got to eat some great Tongan food, hang out with some people I knew, met some new folks, and enjoy a cool conversation.

I do it for the kids

I've just spent the last two weekends in the presence of some really brilliant people. Most of them were under the age of 20. You know how you just do some things and then when you finish, you realize that you've grown? Well that's what this past weekend and the weekend before last were like.
I won't even get into it here, it's too big for me to process just yet. But I will tell you this; I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing with my life. This weekend was the proof. That is not to say that I don't have big improvements to make or that I have all my shit together.
But I will say this, I know that I am living my purpose.

Some Highlights:

Having my daughter there with me.
Two of the kids playing a totally impromptu tribute one on drums and the other on the piano to a departed elder Baba Sakisa Thompson.
At the end of camp, during their final proposals-having my kids proposal for 2.2 million dollars funded by the mock City Council. They had the smallest commission with only two people.

The possibility walks.
Reuniting with my friend Muriithi Alafia, after years and years of just talking on the phone.
I will revisit all this, I just need some time to get it all straight in my head.

God Bless the kids.

Manhood aint easy

just like pimpin ain't easy, neither is being a man, but being a boy is. You don't have to do shit, everyone understands when you don't quite make it. No one expects that boy to be able to come up with money for emergencies that are not his when he's broke. No one expects that boy to take on responsibilities for things and people that he did not create.
As a man though, I take on these challenges enthusiastically. I will not accept failure from myself. There are no excuses. I find myself a new person in the same skin.
I am much happier than I have been in a long time.

Life is not easy, but it is good.

Honor

Money.Power.Respect. That's the key to life.
Or so says Lil Kim. I disagree. At least those are not the keys to mine. Certainly they are important, but not the only or most important things. The problem is that too many people think that way. Where do honor, faith, love and loyalty fit in? I have been working with kids for a while now, long enough to feel like a seasoned veteran, but not long enough to feel like I know what's going on all the time. Who is teaching our kids to be honorable, faithful, loving and loyal? I have always believed in honor, and it is one of my core values. I've had some lapses, certainly, but I believe there is a lot to be said for living a life where money is not placed at the center of life.
To be honorable is to be trustworthy, a person who will "walk the talk." To be honorable is to be a person who will do the right thing, even when no one is looking or no one is there to congratulate you. I am very concerned that in this materialist, self centered, godless culture that we live in, that this value is not being transmitted to our kids.

I was going to write more, but really there's not much more to say.
Love,
M

2moro is not promised

Mpozi died. He was one of my childhood friends. We weren't super close, I emailed him recently, and he never emailed me back, I don't think he even remembered me. He lived down the street from my cousins. We were about the same age, but even we were little kids, Mpozi was beyond us. He was one of those kids who was just "good." never got in trouble, never started any mess. He was real sensitive too, I remember he had big ole glasses and when he got teased, he would just say something like "I need them to see" and look at the person like "why would you tease me about that?" Everyone liked Mpozi, and everyone seemed to know him. He was a good brother. Ima miss him alot, even though I haven't seen him or talked to him in years. I've been following his career and I tell you, he was a genius in everything he did.

His dad, I remember was really into being conscious. He has a brother named Paul Robeson. Mpozi was a brilliant photographer, and I mean brilliant. His photos captured a lot more than what he was aiming at or what came out on the paper. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.
info
Live on in the stars Mpozi. Live on.

Church

I went to church again this Sunday. Two Sundays in a row. It's a nice church, Abundant Life Christian Fellowship. It's led by Pastor Paul, who studied under one of the very few pastors that I have ever trusted and loved in my life, Bishop Milton C. Grannum. It's a big church, too and very diverse, Asians, Blacks, White people, Latinos, Polynesians, everybody. The first Sunday I went, an Indian guy gave the sermon.
They even have cool childcare. Laila was tired and grumpy, so I took her out and walked around. We ended up at the childcare center, it was full of happy kids and Laila jumped right in. I didn't go back to the service, I just watched her play.
Church, for me is a place to be around other people who believe as I do, but it isn't a place that I go to find God or answers or anything, really other than community. My experiences with God and prayer are the foundations of my faith. It seems a little sacreligious but really I would believe in God, even if I hadn't ever read a Bible.
The church used to be where I went to find God and Answers, but I've found that He is always around and the answers more often than not, just need to be waited on. My problem is that I am short on patience.
I am learning, the hard way it seems, to be patient.

I saw Superman

it was dumb. That dude was playing Christopher Reeve playing Superman. I don't know about you all, but I didn't go to see someone channel Christopher Reeve, who I always thought was a corny Superman anyway. And the movie was poorly written.
I was dissapointed and I would've gone to get my money back, but I had free passes.


Like my crooked glasses?
I couldn't care less really. I am so much happier with myself than I was when I was in my 20's.


Life is good.
-M

I do not celebrate Fraud and the Lie

I do not love America.

I do not tear up at the sight of the red white and blue. Fireworks on the fourth of july, just remind of me of wars of aggression against foreign people. Independence day is a farce because my people were in no way free. On thanksgiving I say prayers for the blood of the indigenous slain and dispossessed.
The Pledge of Allegiance is like acid in my mouth. I will not speak lies about this country. I will not speak lies about this country. I will not believe this countries lies.
I cannot rationalize the Westward expansion or the growth of industrial capitalism, nor can I comprehend the human feelings behind rationalizing the slave trade. No amount of strangeness or animosity could make me think what happened to us was in any way okay. I think that if I were white and linked in any way to the oppression of indigenous or African people, I would not be able to live a quiet life.
Some people say “Well it is a whole lot better here than any other place.” I don’t bother to argue, but I do wonder how many of the people that say that have ever lived any other place. And what makes it better? Is it the cable television? Is it the shopping? Is it the “freedoms”? Or is it just the fact that if I can manage to secure a place in the Middle Class, that I can get enough stuff to insulate me from the things that make me feel uncomfortable? I can get a job that will take me from in front of the kids who grew up in tabloid television homes. I can move into a neighborhood where there are not as many homeless people. I can eat Japanese, or Chinese or Indian or Soul food, any time I want. I can consume a whole lot more than I can in other places. I can send my son to a school where I can be reasonably certain that he is going to get a basically sound education. Are these the things that make America “better?” I have heard a lot of people say that it is the diversity of the people here in the US, this is one of the things that makes America great. Most places where I go, there are still a majority of white people just outside the door of that place, so that to me doesn’t count. A little pocket here and there, a few belts of cosmopolitan behavior, which does not matter to me. None of these things make me feel in my heart that America is the best place for me.
What would make me love America is if I felt like America loved me. If America really valued me and people like me. If I felt like America wasn’t super eager to throw my sons' precious life in front of some bullets, if America showed me in some real substantive way that I was a valuable citizen. That what I said mattered, that the issues of my community were American issues, and then I would maybe begin to love America.
Instead America has never loved me, she has always, always, always treated me and others like me, as if we didn’t matter, like what we have to say is not that not that important. I am forever “special interest” America has loved my labor, my music, my food, my body, my blood, but she has never loved me. She has never loved me enough to say that she was sorry for hurting me, for abusing my children, for treating us, my special interest group, like we were beneath the regard of the rest of her “regular” citizens.No, America has never loved me, never respected me, never treated me well at all. She has always treated me like shit, has always turned a deaf ear to my pleas and when I did love her, she didn’t love me back.

ouch.angr brns. ppl r dumb

That's txgtmsg-the new language that kids are using...not just for cell phones. It's an interesting exploration of language, of writing. very few tenses, a lot of implied meaning. I am sure someone has done a study on it.
http://home.bluemarble.net/~langmin/miniatures/texting.htm
I was right someone has. txtng
"nothing's original"
-nasir jones

In any case.
I hurt myself tonight. I let my emotions, my imagination and my insecurities get the best of me. That happy trifecta of intense feelings took me to a place that I do not like to go. I had to leave my house and get some fresh air. It wasn't cool. I really felt like, for a cool minute that I was going to really get so angry that I started acting stupid. Then a friend of mine called me and gave me some insight into myself and the situation and I calmed down a lot. As soon as we hung up, in fact I felt a lot better. I have to just deal with reality, not with what I think I know or how my feelings make me think. Just the facts.
I wish I was a Klingon sometimes.
*I actually have been called a "Clingon" but for different reasons

God Life Love Work Family

What's new?
I still haven't gone to a church. I don't know why I am being so stubborn. I need to go. Sunday. I'll make it.
I have to move, because my uncle is renovating the house and renting it out. I'd love to stay, but I can't afford the entire house alone. Sucks, but I know a couple of the kids whose family is moving in and they're great kids. I met the mom on Sunday. Nice Lady, really sweet. I feel good about leaving the house and knowing that they are going to be in it.
Love-Complex.
Work-I started coming to work earlier, partially because I have to be out early. There is a guy working on our house and he comes EARLY in the am. But what I find is that I get a lot done.
Family-my daughter is growing really well. Her mom is a great mom, I'm just trying to be a good Dad. I am going to have to buy a plane ticket to PA so I can see my son.
I miss him and need to get a better handle on our situation before it is entirely too late.
Power to the Peaceful and God Bless ya.
-M

Dissonance

just real quick..I know that I have written here before about my mantra "I Am Because We Are", basically, the individuals state is directly related to the state of the community in which that individual is located, and vice versa. For example, I can not be healthy if my community is unhealthy. If my community is wealthy then I, too am wealthy.
I am involved in an effort by the community of East Palo Alto to reclaim our youth. One of the initiatives is to employ our young people, and to that end, we have found jobs for over one hundred youths this summer! It's an amazing thing, really. I have to tell you that I am a little scared. Most of these kids have never worked and have no real idea what it is to work.
OK...I started this over a week ago and never finished it. The project is going fine. Of course there are issues, but we haven't had any major blowouts and the kids for the most part are amazing.
God is good.

Ask

And you shall receive. I have been going through some drama. But you know what? I am managing to stay ahead of a lot of craziness and do well.
I feel a shift has happened inside. My focus is now where it should be-on making a life for my family, not just doing what I want to make me feel good.
It just so happened that a lot of the things I wanted to do that made me feel good were good things for me to do anyway. Many of the things I liked to do were not good for anyone.
It's part of growing up.

A while ago I had this idea to start a youth serving organization and just now, I am getting it off the ground. We are calling it "The East Palo Alto Unity Project" and I have managed to raise a little bit of money for it. I am ecstatic right now because someone decided that an idea that I had is worth investing their money in. I believe that this organization is going to positively impact the lives of everyone who gets involved.

The goal of the org is to build leadership from the grassroots right here in EPA. There are other organizations who do this, LTA, YCS, and they do a great job. I want to leverage the work they do, and add on.
Our program has three components
1 Bi Weekly Dinners
Twice a month, the EPAUnity Project community will meet for a sit down dinner. At these dinners participants will be engaged in discussion about topics that are relevant to them.
2 Community Service
Every month, the participants will work on either an ongoing community project or a small weekend project. All of the CS projects will be identified, planned and executed by the youth with support from adults.
3 Travel
In the Summer, my goal is to take the participants to Costa Rica for 6 weeks of cultural excahnge, Spanish Immersion Learning and to implement a community service project.

Love

If there is one thing that I learned from my father it's that there is no such thing as "fair". I know that we reap what we sow. I've done a lot of not to cool things to women in life, so I guess it's my turn to be on the receiving end of some sorrow.
I'm not going into too deeply, but my heart hurts. I'm trying to figure it out, but I don't have any answers.
I'm not really in any position to do anything for anyone, I know. I'm not even keeping my head above water, but having these feelings is hard. I don't think I've experienced anything like this since I was a teen. I am completely distracted and I want to be around her all the time.
That would be great if the feelings were mutual. Shit. I don't know.

Gunsmoke and other things

I'm listening to Project Groundations' "Nothing to Prove" right now and it is simply the best thing that I have heard in a very long time. It's all Roots music from the Virgin Islands. Pure Love from the Beginning to the End. Gunsmoke is the name of the track I was listening to when I started writing this. Go online and get it. www.ProjectGroundation.com

What else? I sent off my manuscript to be edited. I know that I am going to have to do a lot of work on it, so I'm waiting for it to come back.
Oh yeah, I love my daughters mother. She's amazing.

Power to the Peaceful
-M

Depth Perception

Maybe it's me or maybe it's really happening. It seems to me that the level of discussion around meaty topics, real things is deepening. It seems that for the last ten years or so, our (Americans) intellectual interrogation of the media, the government, authority in general has been very low. We get information and accept that information as fact with little or no questions, or if we do ask questions, they are superficial and meaningless.

We watch reality tv to find out what real life is like. Real life is what we experience, each of us as individuals have our own experiences that make up our lives. What is disturbing to me is that the television is in too many cases, the main socializer ouf the youth. I have this expression; "They learned to be Black from TV" I am, more and more meeting people who feel alienated from their own communities feeling like they don't fit in, because they are not like the people on television. Even worse than that would be the alienation of another because that person does not fit into what someone else thinks should be.

I have lived most of my life in Black communities. I have lived on both coasts and spent a lot of time in the South. I come from parents who were both born in and lived for significant amounts of time in the segregated South. My parents were activists. I was named after Malcolm X. I've been to Africa, and I am usually the darkest person in any room that I enter, no matter who else is there. I am about as Black as you can get, culturally and complexion wise, and I have had my identity questioned more times than I can count. I learned how to be Black from my family and our friends, not from TV or books or any second or third source.

What I know is that Black folks are the same whereever we are. We are the same not because we all watched the same thing on BET, but because we really do have a deep culture that permeates our social lives. We all know that the mother is the spiritual head of the Black family, that our God is at the center of that, we all have skin color issues, we trip off the grade of our hair, we cut consonants out of words, we love music, dancing, and storytelling. We do indeed have a common culture, but fewer and fewer people know what it is, because, I believe we adults are letting television raise our kids and not spending enough time on cultural transmission.

We are letting corporate America teach our own kids what their culture should be. We are truly in a battle for the minds and hearts of our kids and we are losing.

No doubt there is a lot of hard work to be done. It took a long time for us to get into the situation we find ourselves in now, but if more of us start doing the work that needs to be done, we will succeed. Success means that our children will not go hungry, we will eradicate that 70% high school dropout rate, we will have healthier families, incarceration rates will go down, domestic violence and drug addiction will go down.
okay, I have some more work to do....

Si se puede.
-M

me

The DeBow Men

L-R Malcolm, Rahsaan, Paris, Jason
My moms family name is DeBow. These are all my male first cousins on her side. I'm the oldest of 8 grandchildren. Between the 8 of us, I think we have something like 12 kids. Funny thing, My mom and her sisters each had one son and the one son had 5 girls. Crazy huh?

Anyway.

My Enemies, thoughts on May 1st and other things.

I am pretty sure that I have posted this before, but Ima repost it here today, because I watched a great documentary this afternoon. It's called "Loose Change" and it very intelligently and systematically examines the events of September 11th, 2001. You can watch it on Google video.

No one has to work very hard to convince me that there are people in the US who are conducting a war on the rest of us. As an African American and a student of history I know that there have been many times in US history when the government has done some terribly heinous things to the citizens to further it's own purposes.

I truly believe that 911 was an event orchestrated to make the American people accept a campaign of war against made up enemies, justify unprecedented defense spending and usher in a new era of American nationalism based on fear and prejudice. That is what has happened. The emphasis is being shifted now though from Arabs to Mexicans and other immigrants. We cannot allow this to happen.

Monday I was in San Jose, California for the "Day without Immigrants" and I saw tens of thousands of people unified to demand that the US treat them as human beings, not "illegals". The arguments are complex, they demand a lot of thought and consideration. The issues and the people wrapped up in the issues demand that we listen and consider more than we have, more than we have in our own little heads and sets of experiences. If we want a just solution to this problem, then we as a nation have to engage in intelligent dialogue and actively listen to one another, not throw sound bites at one another, yell and scream or rely on our often racist knee jerk reactions. Immigrants are human beings. We are treating them like plague carriers or drones. Their children will grow up and be Americans, just as we have. Who cares if they speak only one language? English is in no danger of dying out. If they have enough infrastructure in their communities that they never have to learn English and deal with English speakers, yet still lead productive happy lives, I say more power to them. It is not hurting me or mine. Nobody is going to suffer because some Mexicans don't want to learn English. Nobody is suffering because they may have had to learn some Spanish. Get over yourselves already.
Immigrants are not my enemy, my enemies are the ones who are making the decisions that are making this world unliveable for the future generations.


My Enemy
My enemy
My enemy does not pray to Allah
Or Jesus
Does not recognize the Holy Authority of the Prophet Moses
Or the Buddha
My enemy does not wear elekes for the Orishas,
Does not fear, love or respect Shiva.
My enemy prays to the small temporary gods
Money and Power
He marches into my home
Brandishing a rifle in one hand
And a bible in the other
(my God does not need to rely on scare tactics)
His forked tongue caresses my ear
With a hot sweet poison
That kills slowly but surely
My enemy is not the guise of fair skin
But those with greedy hearts who would trade my life for cash
Who ruthlessly murder our unborn possibilities
Who lustily slaughter potential
My enemy teaches you and yours
that you were born better
and forever
will be better than me and mine
For no real reason at all, no real reason at all
My enemy drops airplanes on America
With people like congressmen and senators
In them
and then calls it an accident
all in the name of power, patriotism
My enemies renamed greed
"compassionate conservatism"
And imperialism "democracy"
My enemies tell lies as truth
And truth as lies
Spin world crazy world spin
These lies they tell inject themselves into the bloodstream
Slow but sure poison
Hot, yet sweet in my ear
My enemy is preparing the world for
slaughter
Like the fatted calf,
And calling it pre emption
In the names of Safety and Democracy
My enemies are the enemies of
God
Truth
Righteousness
Justice
Love
Life
My enemy does not read poems like this.


It looks like I will have all the money I need to get my car out by this Friday. This whole thing has been a tremendous lesson. I knew I could get by without my car, but what I did not know is how much God smiles on me and allows me to learn these hard ass lessons. What did I learn? Take care of tickets and bills upfront. Paying on the backside is way too damn expensive.

Another unrelated comment. B-I love you alot. I really do. I hope that you have patience with me and that you see me for who I truly am. I love you unconditionally. You have given me some gifts that no one else could have, and I am grateful. You and the kids are my inspiration for being a better man. Thank you for your honesty and your friendship.
I know you read this from time to time and I hope that you will see this and know that I am talking about you.

Power to the Peaceful and those who would make this world a better place no matter what the cost.
M

Never Forget

just thinking about the state of African people in the world today....
We didn't leave Africa as willing immigrants, most of us.
There have been billions of words written about it, I'm not going to say anything new.

100th Post

This is my 100th post, and I'd like to celebrate it by....well whatever. It's my 100th post.
I feel much better than I did the other day after my car got towed because I wasn't taking care of all my business when I needed to. Thanks God, for giving me some direction.
I will say that I have learned this lesson. It really is better to take care of stuff upfront and get it done than to have it come back later and bite you in the ass like these tickets did with my car.
Now I have to just find a new place to live.
Send me your good thoughts.
Power to the Peaceful.
-M

It really is about me

I know that. Okay, I am bad with paperwork. I admit that it is a weakness of mine. I do my taxes late, I turn in timesheets at the last minute, and I forget to pay tickets. Those first two symptoms are inconvenient, but there are workarounds. That last one got my car towed in SF today.
Damn.
I need my car, but even more than that, I have to get my life to the point where I am not in crisis from minute to minute. I do not want to be anyones' "cause." Like "oh let's go save Malcolm" because I have been that before, saved and other peoples' causes. I don't think that it was all that good for me, to get saved so much.
Not that I don't need help, we all do at various times. I just don't want to feel like this anymore, I want to stand completely on my own two feet, not on someone else's shoulders. I have people who rely on me to be strong and I have to be able to help them to be strong. I can't keep creating these situations by my inattention.
God Help Me, because I don't know what to do.
-M

Poems for you

Black Body
He flung his black body
out in space
on the hope that someone
who had a vested interest
in his health
would catch him

The Pledge
I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands.
One nation under God with Liberty and Justice for All.

Bullshit.

I pledge non allegiance to the rag, the flag of the Unlimited Bullshit that is Amerikkka.
I promise never to forget the genocide of it's native people.
Leading them from Gods plains to Mans' steeples.
I shall always remember the theft of the Afrikan millions that made White trillions.
I promise never to forget the American non concern with the Japanese intern.
I promise to always remember who turned their back on the fleeing Jew, you.
I promise not to forgive the inhumanity perpetrated on the citizens and denizens of this land that are labeled Amerikan.
Many nations without a God with Liberty and Justice for the Rich.

girl, interrupted
young lady, you are the promise of sweet womanhood converted into something ugly. Your young body betrays itself
you look like something that you are not yet. A woman.
Your mind twisted and convinced that you are grown, coz you got ass and titties bigger than your mamas
coz men want to get close to you and get in between your thighs
coz you look like something you are not.
your short fifteen years have certainly been brutal, but sweetheart, they have not prepared you to adequately nurture yourself, much less any other

a woman loves herself
she knows her magic
you do not yet know yours

but back to you little mama
your mind is too precious to waste
on bullshit
but these “men”, these super predators who call themselves men
who rush to wait for you just outside the school zone
who only want to press their sweaty dead flesh against yours
only want to steal away your beauty, your youth
they only want to wear you for a little while
they will wear you out
Their time has passed and the little trinkets they give you
the little pieces of gold nothing that they trade you for your time
and pussy
cannot replace what they steal from you
They will tear you apart

“I been fucking niggas like you”
she said to me
“who the fuck is you to tell me? Nigga you ain’t shit”
and I said
“sweetheart. yes, you been fucked. By a lot of niggas. but you don’t know nobody like me. All I want from you is for you to love yourself enough to be okay without them niggas.”
They will destroy you

And I ain’t shit
I must not be because I do not have enough power to save you. I cannot be in enough places at once to keep you safe from those nasty motherfuckers. I do not have enough power, my arms are not long and wide enough to hold you close. To love you through your precious childhood

I ain’t shit
but I wish I was.
the cold part is you ain’t gon’ be shit either when they finished with you.

My students are off the hook!

I'm in my office, hiding right now. These kids are really on one today. I know, it's sunny, the weather is beautiful, they're beautiful, sap is rising, birds are singing, whatever! These kids are really acting like Babays kids....smoking, cursing, shooting dice....all the things they know that they're not supposed to do here.
I'm not on one for no reason, I tell my kids that people have the wrong impression of them, and that they have to be in charge of managing what they do. They can't, we can't hope to control what people think of us, but we can decide to not do things that will make people think ill of us.

Maybe a lot of it is the way I was raised and the way I was as a young person. The last thing I wanted people to think of me is that I was up to no good, or a criminal or anything like that. For a little while, I was up to no good, and that kind of attention was really unwelcome. So part of me is saying to them "You're stupid. Why are you calling all this attention to yourself?" Another part of me is thinking "Damn kids! When I was younger, we would have never (fill in the blanks)" and then another part of the dialogue is "people are going to look at you and think that you are less than amazing, beautiful, intelligent and wonderful and they are going to not treat you well."
So what am I to do?

Rape

So some people got arrested in the Duke University rape scandal. I have to say that I don't know what happened, but clearly something messed up happened. In all the years that I have been watching the news and taking interest in things like this, I don't think I've seen this much energy dedicated to defending alleged rapists in the press. The coach resigned. The University canceled the season. Clearly something was terribly wrong.
I have to ask the obvious question: If it was a black basketball team and a white stripper said that she got raped, what would the response look like?

My experience tells me that America would be in an uproar. I know that the value of Black Life in the United States and the world is low. We don't as a people, seem to even value ourselves very much, so how can we expect anyone else to? What will it take for us to see ourselves and one another as the precious, irreplaceable beings that we are?

Today

It's warm outside and the air here in EPA smells so good. There's all kinds of craziness in the air. It's spring. Yesterday I saw two young brothers get arrested. It went like this: I was driving around EPA about to go to Oakland and I saw two of my students, one in the car, one sitting in the window. I asked them if they needed a jump or some help, left my car to go check it out and the police rolled up 4 deep. Turns out the car was stolen. Damn.
What the hell? I don't know what happened, if they stole the car or what, but somewhere along the line yesterday, those boys made a series of bad choices.
It kills me to see our kids in these situations these dumb ass circumstances that they don't have to endure. So much of it, so much failure is built into our consciousness, we don't know we just do shit, just to do it.
Seems like that anyway.
You want to see something beautiful? Look at this rose that was growing in front of my house.

Home Again

I went out after work last night and played drums with my good friend Eric Arnold. Eric is a writer. In any case he lives in Oakland, and I was in need of some deep spiritual soothing so we took the drums out to Lake Merritt and played for a while.
I'll tell you how beautiful Oakland is. We were playing and this older white lady in a housecoat comes out and walks over to us. It's late, like 11 pm and we are two brothers in the dark, playing African drums. No white person in their right mind should approach Black people playing drums at night, it's just not safe. You don't know what could be happening-we could be calling all kinds of stuff into being, and some of us are kinda pissed. jokes, all jokes....not really.
Anyway having said that, she walks over and in the nicest way explains that although she enjoys the music, it's late and there are no apartments 200 yards down the shore of the lake.
Honestly, I just had to smile and comply. She wasn't scared, she was not at all disrespectful. I love Oakland.
The world tells us that we should all be afraid and not be real with other, hide in our houses and not talk to one another. I don't know who that lady was, but I hope she's out there showing people how to be a real human being.

The other thing is this. I don't drum to entertain other people. I drum to get in touch, to talk to my ancestors, to get in touch with the Creator. It's cool if people listen, but sometimes it throws me off. I was thinking about it this morning, because sometimes I get irritated and I stop when people listen. I like to perform, I'll always read some poetry, or talk to some folks. It's because I am not as confident about my drumming and I get thrown off, that's the real reason I don't like people to listen.

Peace to the Peaceful
your brother in the struggle,
M

More to love

I went to my (Queen Mother) Aunt Marys' memorial service. She was an amazing woman. I am thankful for her effect on my life.
I will write more about the ceremony tommorrow or the next day. But I will say that without her I would not know how to love my people as much as I do. She taught me to love my people, no matter what.
And I am going to be honest here folks, loving my people is not an option, but we are in crisis and it is tough to always be there for anyone who is in crisis all the damn time! That's what it is though.
In any case, her celebration was lovely, my daughter met three of her cousins that she had not ever seen, Lexis, Lyric and Lena. My daughters name is Laila. I swear we did not plan that, it's just L names are in with the Hoover clan these days. Lena and Lyric are fraternal twins but they all have that big ass Hoover head, so all of the girls look somewhat alike.

Big Blue Frog-my First Poem
I am a big blue frog
I am a big blue frog
I can fly though I don’t know why
I am a big blue frog.


Bleed
We Bad
Ruffle feathers like bad weather
We young stormclouds
Dark on the horizon
Bad news
Niggas want to rumble real bad
Our blood be boiling
Be wanting to
Lock hands
Put it on somebody
We really want to fuck some stuff up
But what is that gon’ do?
How we gon’ handle this?
Blood gon’ be shed
Somebody going to jail
And Somebody else going to the hospital
Stab wounds, gunshots, take a long time to heal
But not as long as our spirits will take
Spirits will long remember
What these feet and fists feel like
Balled up made hard for contact against soft flesh
We will long remember what it feels like to have stomach folded over feet
Head buzzing
Blood in our mouths
Ears and face hot
So damn hot
Our spirits will not forget
This violence, this basic betrayal
Of what is best about us
Why we forgot how to come back from the place
Where our words don’t work
So we ride back to the words on one anothers’ pain
And so it goes:
“Bleed nigga bleed! Bleed nigga, nigga bleed! Nigga Bleed till you and I die. Nigga bleed till we die. Nigga bleed”
Nigga, I want you to bleed for me,
Your blood sacrifice is going to be my penance,
You on the cross me for me and everybody like me.
I need to forget so I am going to make you bleedI am going to take it out on your flesh
Until I cant shoot no more
Until I can’t beat you no more
Until you can’t breathe no more

its 2am

what the hell am i doing up?

Congresswoman McKinney is being assaulted again

The media is a trip. Maybe it's just me and my paranoid self, seeing as I am a Black Man living in America at a time when the media has gone from being semi independent to the propagandist arm of the US government. One of the things I teach in my class is media literacy, the ability to look at and analyze the media.
Well today I turn my eye on the Associated Press and the article today on Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney, a Democrat from Georgia. Apparently, she was trying to enter the building and a Capitol Police Officer didn't recognize her, and attempted to detain her, somehow he got punched. First of all, how he didn't know who she was is beyond me. There are not a lot of Black women in Congress, so it's not like she blended into the crowd. I don't know, maybe it was a new cop. According to what I read, she wasn't wearing her pin, but she showed her Congressional ID. After that, the cop still tried to search her, and she refused. In any case, the sister did a Pac and unloaded on the cop when he tried to detain her. That's what I'm talking about! Sister Cynthia obviously is not a punk! I do not advocate socking up cops, but I also don't believe in us letting the POLICE intimidate us. She stood up for herself and now the media is trying to make her look crazy.
I am sure this is not the first time that a legislator has had a problem with the Capitol police, the issue is why isn't the cop being questioned? Why is so much attention being paid to Cynthia McKinney when we have all these Republican Congressional criminals? Why is it news that she wears an Afro and that she used to have cornrows? What about where she stands on the issues of the day? What do her constituents think?
In any case,
Power to the Peaceful


http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060403/ap_on_go_co/mckinney_scuffle

Tupac Amaru Shakur vs 2Pac

I woke up this morning thinking about Pac. I really miss 'Pac. I felt a kinship with him that continues to this day. He articulated so well my feelings about many things. He was the only person who could reach directly in our hearts and show us what is most beautiful about us and also what is most ugly. It wasn't only that, but it was this feeling that I have of being born 30 years too late. I feel like an anachronism. I look around at my people, at poor people in general and I want to do so much more than I am doing to help folks lift themselves up from where they are. But I wasn't born in 1940, 50 or 60. I was born in 1970 and I know what I know for a reason. It's frustrating to look around and it seems the masses have forgotten so much, that all of us, or most of us are just paper chasing and not paying attention to our brothers and sisters struggling. People are trying so hard to forget New Orleans and the Gulf Coast and what Katrina did, but how can we? That was the problem in the first place, those of us who made it through the traps of poverty, we forgot to bring the rest of our people along with us. How would Pac have reacted? I am quite sure that he would have blown up at President Bush way worse than Kanye did (see Letter to the President) and I am also certain that he would have been among the first people on the ground, putting his body and whatever resources he had available to bear on the situation. Pac would have been there helping people, not just talking about how fucked up it was that no one was helping. That spirit is the Panther Baby in him. I am ashamed that I haven't been doing more, but it is also true that no matter how much any one of us does, we can always give more. Angela Davis told me one time that the challenge was not to die for the revolution, but to live for the revolution.

Pac was such a complex person. I never knew him personally, but he was much more to me than a celebrity. To me, Pac was a spokesman for all the little Black boys who grew up in revolutionary households and found Hip Hop as a way to express our passions and live our lives. I miss that cat, and I hate the fact that noone has been brave enough to tell the truth, whatever that is about why he was murdered. Why did he have to die? I am fairly sure that Suge Knight and the Mafia had everything to do with it. I am no one famous, so Ima say what I feel. Suge profited from Pacs death, and the whole rest of the world lost a leader. He wasn't just a rapper or actor, he was a leader.

He wasn't perfect or all clean and tidy. He was messy as hell, he made stupid mistakes, he made people angry, he said and did hurtful things, but I think in retrospect we can all see that he was a young man trying to grow and deal with the contradiction of what he knew to be right and the attraction of what my friend Malachi calls "the Shiny Things."

When you grow up poor, when you get older and able to not live day to day, a lot of us want the shiny things. We know that money doesn't equal happiness, but we don't want to live like that ever again. It must be hard to find the balance. I think a lot of rappers just swing all the way far out. I don't know, I'm still broke and struggling. I want to know what it is like not to have to struggle, and I am determined to get there. They say that money changes people, and I tell myself that I am strong enough to resist the temptation, but damn.

The other thing is that dealing with Black people, Americans in general, is that wealth is a validator. If you have money, you have more personal authority than you do if you're broke. If I had walked up in front of those kids @ Mission High with hella bling on, a fur coat and a grill then they would have been sitting up in their seats to see what the hell I was talking about. Instead, I had on some dusty Timberlands, a dashiki and last years LRG jeans. But what I had to say and how I said it grabbed them. If I ever get it like that, I won't be Slick Rick with mine. I'm thinking more De La Soul 88....

In any case, Pac must've known that. He knew the people he wanted attention from the most listened better when he was profiling and high siding. I have heard so many rappers say that you have to hide the lesson in the music, or put the sugar in with the salt if you want people to listen. I think differently though, I think people want the truth, but they want to be able to forget about how painful their lives can be and shake their ass. There is nothing wrong with that, everybody like to shake their ass. We can't just walk around brain numb and forget that we need to take some responsibility and be about the business of making this a better world for those living and those to come.

I'm out folks. I'm taking some kids to Yuerba Buena gardens tomorrow to see the Black Panther exhibit.

Peace and Love,
M

Mission High School

I was at Mission High yesterday. I got to be the prerequisite "adult voice of reason" at a youth talent show. It really was great. My job, along with WWS magazine and Emaculent entertainment put on a High School Talent show, along with HoodStarz and Mistah FAB. I know that when I walked up to the podium, the youth (along with some of the judges, parents and teachers) were like "who is this nigga in a dashiki and suit jacket?" But once I got started, I went some other place, I really felt as if I was standing outside my body and listening to someone else. I was being used, I had notes that I followed, but I had prayed before that He give me something to touch these youth, to really get to their hearts, and I think I did.
It felt great. I opened with a poem "History" and I closed with "Freedom Fighter"
I want to do as much of that kind of stuff as I can. I met some people there, I think good things will come out of it.

I can never get past how indredibly beautiful it is to see young people happy and dancing. There was a few times when the kids just mobbed the stage, going dumb, getting hyphy, and generally just dancing their asses off. These kids mean mug so much always walking around looking unhappy, any time we can get them to smile and just be kids is like gold.

Power to those who bring Peace to the kids

My Rant

Black America is still under attack and Racism is still very much alive. Strong statements to make, but absolutely true. The recent threats of lawsuits against institutions of higher education and the dismal trend of black male incarceration and low achievement should be red flags to anyone seeking to gauge the health of the Black community.

Access to higher education has always been viewed as the way to true independence in not only the African American community, but to the whole nation. Our greatest leaders have stressed that education is the one thing, that once gained, cannot be taken away from us. Now that access is being limited once again by distributing funds once earmarked for aspiring African American Scholars, to the general student body. Why? Because the perception is that too much preference is being given to African Americans in awarding scholarship funds and that the historical effects of racism have been overcome.
The African American community has been under a consistent attack since we arrived here on these shores. Slavery, Jim Crow, a bungled attempt at integration, The Crack and HIV/AIDS epidemics, The 3 strikes laws, all these factors have had a devastating effect on our community. Our students locally have a dropout rate that has been estimated as high as 70%.

I know from my work with young people that the perception is that their opportunities are limited. The reality may be different, but somewhere along the way, the fact that they can be anything they want to be, achieve any goal that they can visualize has been lost on them. Our young people go to schools where they are met with low expectations by the school administrations and reactions ranging from amusement to hostility from the student bodies. Our young people are our most precious resource, yet we send them to places to be educated that have a dismal track record at successfully preparing our youth.

Now, the ones that do manage to make it through are being faced with the fewer resources to finance their educations. The commitment to equity and parity in this nation has been reneged on. The myriad problems of African Americans cannot be solved by any government program or initiative, but only by our own selves as African Americans. The American public must recognize though, that many of the problems that face our community were not internally generated, but created by our original status as slaves and then second class citizens. In truth, we have only been full citizens for 41 years, since the 1965 Voting Rights Act. We can not as a nation, realistically expect the effects of 346 years of institutional racism, economic deprivation and mental warfare against our community to be ameliorated in 41 years. That would be ridiculous. The problems of African Americans are the problems that America as a Nation created for us. We as African Americans are responsible for healing ourselves and our community but no one should be fooled into thinking that we are in this sad condition on our own accord.

Affirmative Action, targeted scholarships, increased academic support, specialized schools, alternative sentencing, early intervention, and mental health supports, economic incentives, parenting classes, all these things and more are desperately needed to repair the damage done to the African American community. As citizens our first impulse has been to look to the government for assistance, but we cannot expect the government to serve our needs particularly at a time when America is being referred to as “The Homeland” and we as African Americans are being pitted against our immigrant brown brothers and sisters who are being used as cheap labor just as we were. If America were my homeland then my children would be treated well. America is still treating African Americans as unwelcome immigrants. Other immigrant groups have come to this Nation and used their own internal resources to build strong communities; we have started, stalled and stopped at this endeavor several times. We hold the solutions to our own problems. We must look first to ourselves and create our own solutions. If we want our children to be successful students then we should create environments where they can learn.

We have created these structures in the past and many of them still exist today. I attended two such schools as a young student. The first was Nairobi Day School, a community run school in East Palo Alto, California. The classes were small, the students were all given indivualized attention and expectations were high. The other was Ivy Leaf School in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The approach was a little different, Ivy Leaf was a private school and Nairobi Day School was a community school, but the emphasis on learning and the expectations of excellence were not. What made those schools different was not only their Afro Centric curriculum, what made those schools different is that the teachers genuinely knew all of the students in the school, and that they treated us with love and respect. They took the time to engage us as people, to respect each and every one of us as learners.
I work with young people who have very marginal grades, as an instructor at an after school program in Menlo Park, California. I am always surprised that these brilliant young minds are not performing any where near their potential in their schools. Sure, they know that they have to get good grades, but they often tell me that what makes the environment that I create for them different from their schools is that their teachers do not care about them. They do not take the time to learn them as people. I tell my students that it’s unfair, but unfortunately, that is the way life is. Very few people will take the time to get to know them as people. When educators take the time to authentically engage these young people and take the time to create positive learning environments for the youth, great things happen. All of a sudden, it’s not so important that they’re cool. It

We should learn from our Asian and Latino brethren and create economic and educational institutions that work to our benefit and we must do the internal work that is necessary to defeat the plague of self hatred caused by the 389 years of warfare that this country has waged against us. My namesake, Malcolm X put it best when he said “Just because you sit at the table does not make you a diner.”

Faith

is the sustaining element in my life. I think sometimes about how hard life is, how unfair, but less and less I dwell on that. Life is Hard, that's all there is to it. There is suffering in life, and it is not that we suffer, we all suffer. I think the test is how we handle our suffering that measures us.

I had an interesting discussion with an older friend of mine recently and he basically said that there are people who just need to accept that others are going to dump their own shit on us, their anxieties, anger, whatever. He says that part of being a man is learning to accept that sometimes we need to be on the receiving end of all that bullshit and just learn to let it end with us. At first, I didn't want to hear it, but the more I thought about it, the more sense it makes.

We all deserve happiness, each and every single one of us deserves to be happy contented fulfilled human beings.

Most Holy Father
Help me to be brave enough to follow my path. Give me voice enough to properly say what I feel is right. Give me the courage oh Father, to make a stand when it is right and to stand silent when I have to. Help me to make my mind restful enough to hear Your loving voice.
In your most Divine Mercy, allow me to never feel the negative emotion we call "hate."
Please don’t let me ever forget the struggles that produced me. Let all my senses and my mind forever be alert and open to positive change. Let me learn to further accept the obstacles that are placed before me and let me overcome them with dignity and grace. Let my entire self create work that embodies truth and love and allow my work to be an inspiration for all who regard them I pray for these things so that I may continue to do the work that you would have me do.
Amen

Hard Days and Nights

I hate being single. nuff said.
Peace to the Peaceful
-M

I Am Because We Are

"I Am Because We Are" is the mantra by which I try to live my life. The way it was explained to me is that this statement is a basic summation of African traditional beliefs.
My own personal state is directly reflective of the state of my community, of my people. The whole statement is "I am because we are. We are, therefore, I am" If we as a people are doing well, then I do well also.
I try to live this out as best I can. I teach, I work in the community so that I can share what knowledge I have gained in life with the youth. And as I teach, I also learn. The kids share language with me, they share culture and they share practical knowledge.
As I learn and grow I become a better teacher and learner.
Peace to the Peaceful
M

B Boys

b boys
We b cookie cutouts
Bboy
Black revolutionary
Tupac ologists
Ride for ours
Day and Night
Night and Day
We West Coast East Coast Midwest Downsouth to overseas
Us be them that light the world on fire

We roll it up
Smoke it
Leave a trail behind us
Blaze one for all to follow
We put it in the air

Believe that
Because we be that
We is them
Bboys

Cookie cutter
Black revolutionaries
Give high fives to my niggas
On the block
Doin it
Us set fire to minds
And flesh if necessary

Remix-wait for the
Remix they brewin right now in
K to Eights
Worldwide
It’s going to be so fucking cold….
We be cookie cutter
Bboy revolutionaries

Dance furiously
Tear the roof off this motherfuckerwe don’t need no water…..

Us light up the night with our bodies and voices
Dance so hard our sweat glisten and glow
We shinin-no diamonds needed
We bold, we strong, we cold
We leave our names on walls
Our stories fly through the air And our love is eternal.

Penetrate

Penetrate

I want to penetrate you
Titillate, tickle and pleasure you
Until you reveal all of your soft mysteries

I want to see you unfold before me
You, the beautiful flower from some Mexican desert
Looking at you, I can see the spines, but I smell your nectar
and I just can’t seem to stay away
-I keep getting pricked and stung

I want to penetrate you
Caress you, be inside you
You are closed
But I believe that I have the key
Designed solely to unlock the oceans inside you

I want to penetrate you
Caress you
Be inside you
I want to tap, tap, tap
Tap, tap, tap
Tap, tap, tap
At the gates of you gently
Until you release your secret hidden nectar
Let it flow all over me, onto my fingers and hands into my mouth
Let me taste you.

Hold me inside your mouth
Taste you on me
Feel me deep inside you
Hold me in the deepest parts of you
Where only I have been
That place where you and I are one.

Let me in.

charcoal-a poem

charcoal
I said I was dark chocolate
And she laughed and said
“charcoal”
and suddenly she was not my girlfriend anymore

She was one of those little kids
Who teased me about staying in the oven too long
Or said my momma got pregnant by the tar baby
Or called me “The Creature From The Black Lagoon”

She said I was charcoal when I said I was chocolate
And then she had the nerve to think she was funny
It hurt, because suddenly she was not my girlfriend
But just some insensitive white person who went too far

Who didn’t understand that some jokes aren’t funny out of the mouths of white folks, at least not to me

But this is not really about her
Because I thought I was over it
I’ve gone through all the steps
Over and over about why I am chocolate,
Not charcoal.
I thought that it wouldn’t hurt, being called charcoal, but it does.

No matter how many Micheal Jordans, Denzels, Morris Chestnuts, no matter how many Don Cheadles I see,
Somewhere I am still the Creature from the Black Lagoon, still the mixed baby of a dark woman and the Tar Baby
The last boy to be picked to dance by the pretty girls, the brother whose name is always forgotten; “aren’t you so and so’s cousin?”
The one in the bathroom mirror trying to hard bristle brush my nappy ass hair into waves

I am charcoal, hard burned up, carbonized, utilitarian, a throwaway disposable item useful only for one or two things

Not Dark chocolate, something sweet and savory, to be looked forward to with anticipation, Something savored and treasured. A delight for the senses.

I thought I was chocolate and the woman who I thought both loved and understood me told me I was charcoal and laughed. Not even realizing what she just said.

But maybe I am charcoal because under pressure, A hard lump of utilitarian dark ass charcoal will become a diamond

And I been under pressure a long time.
I think I qualify
So yes I am charcoal.
And soon whether you see it or not,
Whether you think it is okay or not,
I will be a diamond.

Had a Birthday

My 36th and I have to tell you. It was great.
Peace to the Peaceful
-M

Closer to my dreams

One of the things I promised my Aunt Mary I would do with my life is that I would pursue my writing. I am almost finished, I can taste it. I have enough material, text anyway to publish my book right now, but I want it to be the best it can be for all the resources I have at hand. Which means that I have to use that hustle muscle I was talking about earlier.
I just spent a few hours pulling stuff together. I have 125 solid poems and 20 essays (they need to be polished). I am almost there, family.
It means a lot to me to get this out there to the people. It's just all in my head right now, but I can't tell you how weird it is to see my work that I have everywhere, in binders, notebooks, napkins, etc. all collected into anything cohesive. I just started advertising for graphic artists and book designers to find someone who can help me make this thing really pop. Once I get this off the ground, I am going to pour this energy into my non profit. IABWA. Monday the 13th is my 36th birthday. Damn. I am growing up so fast, I'm getting dizzy. About damn time.

Power 2 the Peaceful
M

Hustle Muscle

is my term. Don't try to jack it. The Hustle Muscle is your brain and your drive to succeed. Every single one of us has a gift, something that the Creator endowed us with that enables us to prosper. Using your hustle muscle to get ahead and on top of whatever you need to get on top of is what the good Lord intended for you, so get off yo' ass and be about yo' bidness!

Power to the Peaceful

More Poetry

Bleed
We bad
Some Niggas is so tough
Ruffle feathers like bad weather
Bad news
Niggas want to fight so bad
Our blood be boiling
Be wanting to
Lock hands
Put it on somebody

We really want to fuck some shit up

But what is that gon’ do?
How we gon’ handle this?

Blood gon’ be shed
Somebody going to jail
And Somebody else going to the hospital
Stab wounds, gunshots, take a long time to heal
But not as long as our spirits will take
Spirits will long remember
What these feet and fists feel like
Balled up made hard for contact against soft flesh
We will long remember what it feels like to have stomach folded over feet
Head buzzing
Blood in our mouths
Ears and face hot
So damn hot
We will long remember
The burn of the bullets
Bodies’ fight against hot lead
45 and nine millis

Our spirits will not forget
This violence, this basic betrayal
Of what is best about us

Why we forgot how to come back from the place
Where our words don’t work
So we ride back to the words on one anothers’ pain

And so it goes:
“Bleed nigga bleed! Bleed nigga, nigga bleed! Nigga Bleed till you and I die. Nigga bleed till we die. Nigga bleed”
Nigga, I want you to bleed for me,
Your blood sacrifice is going to be my penance,
You on the cross me for me and everybody like me.
I need to forget so I am going to make you bleed,I am going to take it out on your flesh
Until I cant shoot no more
Until I can’t beat you no more
Until you can’t breathe no more

more poetry

Loot and Burn (written in the aftermath of the LA riots)

Don’t wonder why we loot and burn
Where else do we have to turn?
You have shown us that you clearly do not care.
The man will never share what we built and he stole.
He beats us to try and show us our role.

The Great White Father
The original looter, OG Thief
But you don’t bother to tell this truth
Or promote that belief
So my children will inherit nothing but my grief

The Great White Father came in his ships, nothing but poisonous lies dripping from his filthy lips.
Took us from our land
Dragged us kicking and screaming across the sand
Brought my people to this distant and foreign land
Seemingly out of Gods’ Sight and Hand

500 years of busting my ass for you.
Don’t tell me it isn’t true, a black man was on Columbus squad in 1492
Who raised those babies? Who built those roads?
I know the stories tho’ they’re seldom told.

Don’t ask me why I loot and burn
Dammit, it’s been my turn
Whatever happened to 40 acres and a mule?
Instead we got nothing, but treated like the white mans’ throwaway tool

The only language he ever understood was violence
Any other way we tried was greeted with dead silence

Yeah, there’s more of them than there are of us.
But the Bible teaches that little David beat Goliath.
He was a mighty giant and yes, he fell.
Ours shall be a similar tale.

So, I’m taking what I need and I know I desire.
And I’m taking it just like you did, by force and with fire.
Don’t try to compare a bottle of milk or a lousy bag of rice,
To what we lost,
500 irretrievable years of our lives.

Poetry-Questions for a disgusted onlooker

Questions for a disgusted onlooker
How would you feel if the color of your skin and everything thought bad were the same?
If you had no language to call your own, no land, no name?
If everything you built were broken, and all your efforts came up lame?
What if the freedoms you fought for were attacked and denied?
The life you want constantly questioned and tried?
Why do you look at all of us and assume that we’ve never tried?
How about if the dreams you nurture went unfed and died?
What if the questions you ask always fell on deaf ears?
If your friends fell all around you, you had no family, no peers?
What if you were constantly at war?
Always harassed and followed?
What if the homeland your forefathers knew was divided, pillaged, and swallowed?
What if you were like us? The darker brother, the immigrant, the border jumper, the slave?
What would you want? How would you behave? What if the things you like to create were dismissed, treated as if all the history you know to be brutal-dismissed and rewritten as “it wasn’t that bad?”
Would you work hard, lend your voice to that of your brothers? Would you take up arms and add to the numbers of martyred others? Would you fight for “liberty or death” and your place in the sun?
Or would you take your shine now, however you got it and run?

A poem I wrote

Like I've said before, I don't know if anyone reads this thing, but here's another poem I wrote. It's called "Sick"

Sick

You make me sick
So much that my stomach churns
Whenever I think of you
My heart heaves in my chest
Skin gets hot and feverish
And my knees shake

I want to kiss you
hold you
scream your name at the top of my lungs
You make me sick

What can I do?
I think about you all the time.
In my dreams you are there
My thoughts at night, you are there

Every thing I smell
I touch
They all conspire to remind me of you

And there have been times that I swear I can't live without you
That I can not breathe without you
I am sick and you made me this way
Just by being you
You make me sick.

Dave Chappelle is a real dude

I have liked Dave Chappelle since I saw him in Half Baked, he's a great comedian. Last night, I saw him on "Inside the Actors' Studio" and it was great. He talked about the cost of celebrity, really discussed some of the bits that he did on his show, and talked some about being a muslim.
He revealed himself, more than I am used to seeing on that show, and the host James Lipton, really dug deep and asked substantive questions.

I wish that other celebrities would show their "non celebrity" side so that people could see that they have fears, go through things and grow just like the rest of us.

Right on Dave.
-M

Black History Month

Black History Month! Why?

First off, I am an African. I was born here in America, true enough. I have a passport from these United States. But I belong to a group of people far older than these United States, than Europe than even the name of the continent, “Africa” I can’t even begin to tell you how important it is for people of African descent to know their history, to understand their place in history, where we as Africans came from and how we came to be in these places, the Caribbean, North, South and Central America. It is really important to know as much as possible about our origins.

It is from this knowledge of our history, our origins, our past battles, our cultures that we gather strength. In this modern age, this new America, where we are rushing to assimilate and keep our heads down, we don’t want to stand out anymore. I want to stand out. I want people to know that I am African, I stand proudly as an African because I know who I am, I know that Slavery represented just a few hundred years of our millennia of history.

Black history is world history, but if you didn’t know the facts of course you would think that the Europeans and their traitorous African collaborators did all of us a favor by exporting us to the Americas. Most African Americans are descended from people that were valuable members of stable societies, that were kidnapped as prisoners of European sponsored wars and brought to the New World to be enslaved. We only have to read the accounts of the people who were alive at that time to know how terrible a price we paid for selling our own people to the Europeans.


The diasporic Africans, those Africans living outside of the continent of Africa, we are descended from the most skilled workers, the intelligentsia, the teachers, the people who supplied the infrastructure of West African society. Africa was depopulated so that the colonial powers of Europe could gain access to the natural resources of Africa. At first, the Europeans had little access to the interior of Africa. They were vulnerable to the environment, the diseases and often Africans would just kill them. The Africans themselves were not blameless. All power struggles to gain more power, and African people are no different. When the leaders saw that the Europeans had luxury goods, alcohol and weapons that they wanted, the traditional system of warfare completely collapsed and the entire trading life of West Africa centered around capturing people to trade with Europeans for goods. Eventually, even the most powerful leaders, teachers, artisans, were captured and traded into slavery. When we say we are descended from the best that Africa had to offer, it is based on historical fact.

Good research on the slave trade
http://www.brycchancarey.com/slavery/chrono2.htm

BBCs The Story Of Africa
http://www.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/africa/features/storyofafrica/index.shtml

PBS Africans in America
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/aia/part1/1narr1.html

What is Morgan Freeman talking about?

http://msnbc.msn.com/id/10482634/

that's my elder, so I won't be disrespectful, but I don't agree with him. May be the comments were taken out of context.

Peace to the Peaceful, All Power to the People, Ever Forward Never Backward

KNOW YOUR HISTORY.

The Good Reverend Jesse Jackson says

The State of Disunion By Reverend Jesse L. Jackson, Sr. 01-31-06 Tribune Media Services
Nothing is more costly or dangerous than a failed presidency. The powers of the office are without rival. The scope of responsibility spans the globe. When a presidency fails, we all pay the price - no matter what our politics.
As George Bush serves up his State of the Union address, his presidency is in virtual collapse. None of this will be apparent on the TV screen. The address will be "interrupted" with numerous standing ovations. The pundits will be respectful. The Democratic response will seem muted. As Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton understood, a president never looks better than on these ceremonial nights.
But beneath the bunting and the applause, this president is in trouble. And the list of catastrophes keeps on growing.
His war of choice in Iraq has gone bad. Our military is near 'snapping" says a report commissioned by the Pentagon. Iraq has become a training ground for international terrorists. The elections have produced a Shiite plurality, led by religious parties that have formed a mutual defense pact with Iran. The Iranian president has called for the destruction of Israel, and the Iraqi leaders that our soldiers are dying to defend stand by his side. The reconstruction of Iraq is a joke, with literally billions wasted or stolen, while citizens still have no stable source of electricity. We can't leave because a civil war, already started on the ground, will flare up. We can't stay because our presence simply feeds the terror and destabilization. Nobel Prize winner Joseph Stiglitz now projects the actual cost of the Iraq war at $1 trillion. That trillion dollars will not be available to pay for schools or health care or energy independence.
Iraq has undermined the war on terror. Bin Laden is still alive, but that matters little. What matters is that the US is more despised across the Moslem world. Abu Graib, rendition of suspects to other countries for "interrogation," secret prisons, the administration's tortured defense of torture - all this has fueled anger and hatred, and provided recruits for the evolving and decentralized networks of terror.
The administration has done nothing to move us toward energy independence. And by simply being in denial on global warming, it has isolated us in the world on a clear and increasingly present danger.
At home, the same sorry record of catastrophic failure. The administration's trade policies are hallowing out our manufacturing and high tech sectors. Bush has run up the largest trade deficits in the history of man, while leaving us increasingly dependent on the willingness of the Chinese to finance our spending.
The administration's top end tax cuts have failed to produce. Take away the jobs produced by government at all levels and by the military buildup, and the US has lost an estimated 1 million private sector jobs since Bush came into office. Yet those same tax cuts have helped rack up record deficits and staggering national debt.
The administration's unrelenting war on seniors continues apace. The prescription drug program confounds seniors, and will end up costing many of them more for drugs, even as it prohibits Medicare from negotiating a better price and shovels billions to HMOs. The effort to cut and privatize Social Security was blocked, but that debate blocked any sensible response to the growing crisis of pensions.
Inequality has reached record heights. The minimum wage has been frozen, while CEO salaries have soared. The administration does nothing to help labor under corporate assault, even as wages stagnate. African Americans and Latinos suffer disproportionately, even as the administration retreats from the commitment to equal opportunity.
And the ticket to the American Dream - a college education - is being priced out of reach of more and more working families. The administration and the Republican Congress are about to raise interest rates on student loans, adding to burdens that are already a stretch for most families.
Katrina exposed the administration's incompetence. But the catastrophic failure to reconstruct the Gulf Region is adding to the suffering of those who survived the storm.
And on homeland security, the independent and bipartisan 9/11 commission gives the administration failing grades in area after area. Were the administration a student, it would lose its government grant money for that performance.
The president will no doubt condemn corruption and partisanship. But the head of procurement of his budget office has been taken out of office in handcuffs. Vice President Cheney's Chief of Staff is under indictment for misleading prosecutors in the case concerning the leaking of a CIA agent's name. The president is pretending that he never knew Enron chief Ken Lay, one of his leading donors, or conservative activist Jack Abramoff, a major contributor who partied at the White House.
The list can go on. It is to no one's advantage. This isn't about an election that is nearly a year away. It is about governing. It's not about Republicans and Democrats. It's about the country. This president has three more years in office, and we will all pay dearly if the failures continue.

The Terrific twosome 

Where it all begins and ends

my two

Is with these two.These are my kids. My son is 11 and my daughter's 15 months. Notice the "Hoover head", that amazing forehead that all of us Hoovers have. It's extra brains....

Just a picture I took on my camera phone and messed with in Flash.
me

I must be

Doing the right things.
You know the popular wisdom; "When we are on our paths, the Universe will open up to us and give us things to help us along." I live the truth of that. I had a conversation with a brother the other day, he reminded me that we are our own worst enemies. I have lived that in my life as well. I have to remind myself that following my impulses are not always conducive to my long term goals, to stay away from useless drama, and to remain patient and faithful with God and myself.
I also have to push myself, because I am the only person responsible for me. Ultimately my life is going to be what I make of it. I know those are all cliches, but I am just coming to the truth of those things myself. I've changed a lot in these past two years and I am still changing. It's accelerated growth time. Soon, I'll be moving again, out of my Uncles' house and on my own again. It's strange, to be 35 and living with family, but I love it. I really enjoy my uncle. This is the most time that I have spent with him since I was a little kid. We talk and I learn a lot from him. In a way, he's been like a second father to me, and it his influence in my life, that balanced out my dads' craziness. My dad and my uncle are so much alike, it's wierd. They eat all the same foods, they have very similar personal habits and they even laugh and talk in the same ways. My dad was always the wild one, while my uncle was the steady and stable one. With my brother, Marcus and myself it's been the opposite, he much more like Bob and me like our dad, Jackie.

The core is the same though, we are all centered around our families and our communities. Much of our work is working with youth. My uncle, the tireless organizer, my brother the football coach, my dad mentors a lot of young people in and out of his work and me, the youth development and community dude.

Anyways, I have to get some work done.
Peace to the Peaceful,
Your brother in the Struggle
M

A bunch of BS

Who needs it? Not me.
Peace to the Peaceful
-M

Why I love East Palo Alto pt.1

I am putting this on Craigslist today in the Rants and Raves section.

I am a native of East Palo Alto, born right on Veterans’ Boulevard at Kaiser. My family has been based here in the Peninsula for over 60 years. My moms’ family came from Tennessee in 1940 and my dad’s side came from North Carolina in 1955. In other words, “we been living ‘ere!” I am now in my mid thirties, and after being gone from my hometown for over 10 years, I returned to work here. That was over 7 years ago, since I came back to teach at a small school on Runnymede street. I taught a class of 2nd, 3rd and 4th graders in the same classroom that I had when I myself was a kindergartner and 3rd grader.
I had, in my classroom, a young lady whose grandmother was my school principal when I’d been a student there. I had others who were the nieces and nephews, cousins of old schoolmates and kids that I’d grown up with. I was a member of a very small staff, with a principal and vice principal who dealt with me, an inexperienced but sincere teacher, like their very own son. The foundation of the school was family, centered around the students. I have been blessed to work with the youth of this community now for almost 8 years and it’s been the best 8 years of my career.

Now I work as a counselor and instructor at an adult school, still here in the community. I also live in EPA. The past few days, I’ve been out in the streets more particularly in the mornings and early evening. I am experiencing some very deep level memories. The other day I stood outside the yard of a house that I had played in as a child. The family that had lived there was close to my family. The two kids Mwosi and Kai were good friends of mine. I have a picture of me pulling Mwosi to her feet, she has an afro, a red dress, white sweater and a “Free Angela” button.

My family was then and remains now very involved in community organizing, education and politics. I miss that part of EPA, it may not have been true, but it seemed like the emphasis was on creating a great place for all of us to raise our families, to have a community that was controlled from within, and that was a place where we could enjoy ourselves. East Palo Alto at that time was a very bohemian place to live. We attracted a lot of characters, very creative people came to make their homes here. We had world class drummers, such as Baba Milonga Casquelord and Sakisa Thompson as well as world class intellects and organizers such as Dr. Mary Hoover and Dr. Faye McNair Knox, Ed Becks, Kwame Toure, Dr. James Garrett, the list goes on and on. East Palo Alto has a lot of history worth uncovering, documenting and sharing. (I have been working on that for a few years….)

In any case, this morning I remembered more about the great times that I had here as a kid. Swimming at the pool, drumming in the park, gardening with my grandmom and her neighbors and shooting bb guns in my neighbors backyard. East Palo Alto was then, a place that held so much joy and wonder for me. My childhood here was very happy.

I grew up in an East Palo Alto that had crime, but even the criminals had some kind of honor and code that they respected. Even they watched out for the kids and other people that were trying to do something positive. Today, that code still exists but not everyone honors it. I am deeply sorry that Officer May fell in the line of duty. But what makes me even more sad is the dozens of youth that fell in the streets before him. Too many of them didn’t even get a fair start in life, in this the same town that made me who I am, too many youth are not getting a fair chance.

I love the fact that my neighbors speak Spanish and play horrible ranchero music on the weekend. Directly across the street from me is an Indian family that celebrates so big, when they do it, the whole block is filled with their cars. I love the fact that there are enough Fijians, Tongans and Samoans in my community that it is actually possible to go a local restaurant and get real authentic Tongan food.

I could go on, but this is enough to tell anyone why I love my town, East Palo Alto.

Wow

I was in a car accident last night. My vehicle is hurt. The Bloo Meany sustained injuries last night at approximately 8pm in a 5 car pile up on the San Mateo Bridge. Apparently, one car stalled on the bridge, but he had very dim hazards. The second car came to an abrupt stop behind that first car, a truck hit that second car, a Benz hit the truck and then I couldn't avoid the Benz, who had swerved into the second lane to avoid the truck.

I am so happy to be alive. The guy in the truck, Mike went to the hospital. My cousin came and got me, and I went home, grateful and really happy to be alive. You know, it's funny. Yesterday I asked for a humbling experience, and something that would reconnect me to my purpose, clarify my path. Then last night, I got into a car accident. It's funny how you get what you pray for.

So, I am blessed to be alive. I walked to work today across my expensive ass hometown, and it was great. At the end of my block, there is an entrance to a wetlands trail that extends the length of my end of East Palo Alto. This morning, I walked and thought about how nice it was to be in the sunshine, breathing, using both of my legs and experiencing everything associated with being alive. I just feel good.

I picked a delicious orange from one of my neighbors' trees, just like I used to when I was a kid. I saw these dudes on the sidewalk talkin', and in EPA 99% of the time, it's cool. But I don't know everybody and saw the potential for somethign to go bad is always there. In any case, I walked past these dudes, "wahssup? ing" them as I passed through their circle. After I got a few feet away one of the cats says "You cut off all your dreads huh?" "Yeah, a while ago" "We know who you are, brother. We recognize you." I was pretty moved. I always tell people, I feel like I have a pass in EPA not because of who or what I know. It is who knows me that allows me to walk with the grace that I feel. I think that people know and respect that I am really here working for the youth, and that I love "The Town."

I had some other really good discussions too. I am trying to stay here in East Palo, but rents here are outrageous. On the one hand, I really want some distance betwen my job and the place where I live, but on the other hand I love being here, because it is my home and I love it. I know it and I feel like this town knows me. It has seen me grow up and I owe a lot to this community. I don't want to move away. I'd love to buy a house here, but I can't afford it. Anyone reading this know about a house for sale in EPA? Let me know. I'd be very good to it.
All Power to the People
Live and Grow
-M

I don't want to be a source of anything bad or negative in anyones' life and I know that I have been, that I may be right now. There's not much I can say, that I haven't already said, but there is a whole I absolutley will do. Thank you very much for your patience with me up to this point.

What I learned today

Everyday I teach, I hold a "check in" session with my students. This is the time when we transition from the world outside of class to the practices of thinking and working on improving our skills. One of the questions we answer as a class is "what did you learn today?" the expectation is that everyday, my students will have gained something valuable from school or life. Anyway, today I have my first class and I finally learned something that my friends have been telling me for years. I learned that you don't always have to show your feelings. I wear my feelings on my sleeve, meaning that usually if I don't vocalize it, you can look on my face and tell how I'm feeling. Recently, I've been going through some really emotionally rigorous times. The way I used to cope with stuff like this would be to act out, talk to all my friends, cry, do a bunch of talking and stuff. All of the coping mechanisms I learned from my mom, when I would see her deal with her problems.
But none of that behavior has changed my circumstances. What I have learned to do is to think about what is going on and then act to solve the issue. It's a simple shift, nothing big outwardly. I just decided that being active about whatever my problems are ultimately is going to make me more successful and happy. It's a more inward looking, self based solution. I look to myself first whereas before I didn't. I am more self sufficient, and I guess independent. I don't like hearing from anyone that I am co dependent, or unstable, or anything like that.
I learned that even if something really hurts, sometimes it's best just to go through it, just feel the pain, instead of avoiding it. I have been the root cause of a lot of other peoples' pain, if I feel some of the pain that I have put others through, it is only right. Maybe then, I will learn some other valuable lessons.
It's easy to get to me, to make me feel bad about somethings, I make it easy because I put my vulnerabilities out there. I've learned that I have to be very selective about who I allow to be close.
All Power to The People and Peace to the Peaceful

What the Fuck is Happening with our Government?

I'm just asking questions. I need to do some research, but if I am mistaken, someone please correct me. I thought that the "intelligence" showed that there actually was no connection between Bin Laden and the Iraqis, that Al Qaeda was not operating in any significant way in Iraq. Every time someone blows up something it's Al Qaeda. So we are to believe that they had no significant presence in Iraq before the war, but that now they are primarily responsible for the insurrection in Iraq? gedthefuckouttahere....
Now, a tape has supposedly come out with Bin Ladens' voice on it offering a conditional truce with the US government. Does anyone else think that someone is making this shit up as they go along? So they caught Saddam and no one is talking about what he has been saying, about no weapons of mass destruction, no Bin Laden connection, blah blah, blah. Still no one can seem to find Osama. They can read a newspaper from outer space, we have technology that can read the heat signature of a weed plant in a field of corn, we can listen in on international cell phone conversations, we have a 30 million dollar bounty on his head and no world government is able to find this man?! Are you kidding me? No one is that smart. Either Bin Laden is still working for the United States or, well I think that he is still working for our government. I cannot accept any other possibility.
It is HIGH TIME that we, the regular people of the United States, take the power back. We are just being lazy, letting the rich run our country. Obviously, the government is not acting in the best interests of the citizens. I really feel like "They" just want to keep us all running scared, so we have this bogus "threat indicator", secret international prison camps, a war on terror that is really a war on ideology(?) and the sum total is the American people running around scared of the monsters that our government and corporate interests partnered to create.
Please think about things and don't just react to the Boogie man. Osama is the Boogie man, Al Zaqarwi is the Boogie man. I have heard it said that Al Zaqarwi doesn't even exist. The war is being explained to the American people in the simplest possible terms, like we are a bunch of stupid babies. Maybe some of us are, but you can't fight ideas with bullets. This is not a war we will win.
This is probably seditious speech according to the "Patriot Act" but I think the most Patriotic thing I could ever do is to demand that my government not only represent me, but that my government is actually accountable to me and my fellow Americans.
Whatever-Fuck Bush and all he stands for. He is not my leader.